Tell me, is this a BF or a DP...

[DrearyDiary]

Or is there a better word?

We're both middle aged and BF seems ridiculous to me, but on occasion I've called him my "partner" and told that's wrong. The distinction seems to really matter to some people.

Been together 10 months, don't live together, highly unlikely to ever live together, but spend a lot of time together, see him more or less everyday, plan our diaries together, go on holiday together etc. Completely seperate homes and finances.

In the context you've suggested then why not say "I went to xyz with James, the man I'm dating". Alternatively say whatever you want and sod what anyone else thinks 🙂

I would never ever call anyone a fella. I think people would look at my like I had lost the plot. OP partner is fine

Oh god, I'm 36 and he's 46 and we refer to each other as 'my fella' and 'my missus' so god knows what people think of us.

Not - i couldnt give less of a shit. Call him your boyfriend, partner, whatever. Who cares? And who decided which terminology is right or wrong?

but if you are talking to friends, presumably they know you are seeing a chap called James? and if they're not your friends (unless it's the police conducting enquires, and not always even then) there is no need to explain.

i wish I had thought of this

Gentleman friend or boyfirend.

I told my parents that I had taken a lover when I introduced DH to them. They didn’t turn a hair bless them

I use partner, been together 5 years, don’t live together (that’s mainly due to practicalities). He’s mid 50s, I love him and we are both in this for the long term. Boyfriend sounds weird for our age.

I don’t give a fuck what others think.

I jokingly call my BF a 'consort.' He's definitely not a partner as he keeps his own money private and won't share any details. He lives in my house (for now!) but is on borrowed time.
Partner definitely suggests come sort of shared finance/future to me.

I’d call him your bit of fluff and see How they like them apples.

I had a messy break up 13 years ago. I’ve been with my current DP for more than 10 years and I have a friend who still calls him “the fresh’un!” 😂

I say ‘partner’ as I feel like I’m 15 otherwise.

I then worry that everyone will think I’m saying ‘partner’ because I’m a lesbian, so I follow it quickly by ‘he’ works at so and so or something.

I call mine my ‘other half’. We are mid 40s, too old for boyfriend/girlfriend, no imminent plans to live together or marry. My friend helped me do some paperwork and suggested the formal term was ‘live out partner’ but accidentally said ‘live out lover’, which I find quite funny 😁

I don't live with DP and don't plan to, though we might get a shared dog some time soon and are very much in a committed long term relationship, with complicated extended family whatsapp groups...

I have been calling him my partner since fairly early on. Perhaps once we were named drivers on each other's car insurance policies? We are in our 50s/60s and boyfriend/girlfriend just sounds ridiculous.

I have been with my DP for several years. We don't share anything apart from time with each other. No plans to live together.
We are also middle aged and boyfriend/girlfriend sounds a little childish to us.

In response to people saying you shouldn’t say partner you could respond with “My latest shag feels a bit graphic for 10.30am in the library though Linda”. They’ll probably stop correcting partner 😉

@Namechange822🤣

Or call him Mr Tuesday (or whatever day of the week it is)

😂😂😂😂

Also no one in real life has ever questioned what I call him (or him me). Only on mumsnet is there this weird hierarchy.

Actually my mother did! When i split up with exH and started seeing my partner, she asked whether he was a boyfriend or a life partner. After about 4 weeks! People do actually care about nonsense that doesn't effect them or matter!

why would it worry you that people might think you're a lesbian? i have often used "partner" just to... be a pain in the neck mostly.

Just refer to him as your FWB and be done with it.
If people are offended then all the better because they are probably stuck-up prudes.

She could call him that if she wanted to, obviously, but from her description I don't think that's what most people would think of as FWB. FWB is usually when you have someone you'd see now and again as a mate and might also sleep with - rather than being 'a couple' who holidays together, shares a diary, would accompany each other to family/social events etc. It's a different thing to a boyfriend/partner/other half etc.

Not rtft but my partner has been my partner since day one. Boyfriend sounds woefully immature when you're in your 30s. Noone has ever questioned why I called him my partner because how would they know how long you've been together unless you tell them?

I get the people saying why don’t you just use their name but there are occasions when you are meeting new people where you need to introduce them or you are chatting to someone you don’t know well and are referring to them.
Saying the person I am dating is long winded and doesn’t feel appropriate after a certain length of time.
Boyfriend/girlfriend suggests younger.
It’s more than a FWB but less than a partner/other half.
I find my fella/missus is implying some kind of ownership.
I don’t care how other people define their relationships but I wish there was a better word I was happy with for a committed relationship where you don’t live together (as you can’t due to kids or other reasons) & aren’t young anymore.