8 year old DD does not have any interests/hobbies

[Rainingcatsanddogstoday]

DD just turned 8, Y3. We suspect she is (midly) ND. No diagnosis but we think it's combination of ASD and ADHD. Doing well academically, loves her school and learning. And perfectly behaved at school, a pleasure to teach apparently.

However, she has no interests outside school and is complaining about being 'so bored'. When she was younger she loved drawing, writing, puzzles, lego etc. For the last 2 years she's less and less interested in these things and when she's home she just bounces off the walls, winds us up, cries for endless screen time etc. Her drawings have not improved at all, despite doing lots of art at school, she still draws like a 4 year old.

We let her be, no pressure to do anything but inside I can't help but feel a little worried. She's also struggling with keeping friends, as when she brings girls around, they can be hyper and silly for a bit, they her friends want to sit down, do a craft, do some lego, draw, chill and she just can't keep up with that, she just wants to bounce off the walls, laugh and be silly not stop or watch TV. Then her friends don't want to see her anymore. She's lost soo many over the last 12 months ☹️.

She has a friend since they were both 3 years old. Her friend was slow to start reading/writing/drawing, now at 8 she's amazing with art, gymnastics, lego, crafts etc and I feel like DD feels a little jealous of her and sometimes refuses to meet her, which is really sad as she really is her only long standing friend.

Anyone can relate and offer any advice?

Screen cold turkey ?

have a silly session after school where you run and mess about , the park etc

Do you take her to any extracurricular activities?

I would find her a sport.
And less screen.

Do you sit down and do drawing, writing, puzzles or Lego with her?

What clubs or activities have you tried her with? i.e. swimming, brownies or gymnastics etc.

How about trying Beavers or Cubs? They are usually really welcoming for children who are ND.

Does she read? Cook? Help in the garden? How is she with board games? Musical instruments? Craft and art ARE pretty dull if you're not into them tbh so just trying to think of other things that might pique her interest inside the home.

Otherwise maybe the best strategy is to not be in the house as much- could you suggest taking her and a friend out somewhere? Somewhere like a trampolining park where they could blow off some steam?

And yes like a PP has said what about other extra-curriculars where she might meet some more like-minded friends? There must be something she enjoys! If she's full of energy maybe athletics or tennis or rugby/ football?

She's just started Brownies 2 weeks ago after being on their waiting list for ages. She used to do an art club at school until end of Y2, but that club is no longer available to Y3. She's doing gymnastics on Fridays which she enjoys but isn't very good at it, which is fine. When at home, she does not do any gymnastics on her own, which I see a lot of girls do. She still can't do a straight legged cart wheel after more than a year. But again we put no pressure on her.

With puzzles, if she wants to do it, yes, DH plays with her, but she's no longer interested.

I remember when I was her age, I used to love sitting at the table and draw/paint. I wasn't great at it, but just loved doing it. My mother never sat with me or told me what to do. I feel like at this age, lots of kids find their own interests.

She dies quiz club after school once a week and she really enjoys it, but find some of the quietions quite hard as she is one of the youngest (it's for Y3 to Y6).

She also did piano for 2 years, she was doing it at school. And sadly she just didn't want to practice at home so progression was very slow. Our weekends were so stressful fighting over piano practice and theory that, after 2 years, we decided to cancel the lessons. She couldn't even remember the basics and piano teacher had to put her back on Old Macdonald had a Farm song to firm up the basics. After that we stopped, waste on money. Since then, she's not touched the piano.

Screen time she is only allowed at weekends, 1.5 hr a day.

Sorry for the typos 😅

Sign her up for Brownies. They do all manner of activities so she'd be able to experience lots of things and decide what she'd like to do more of. They are also great at supporting ND girls, girls with physical disabilities etc.

She reads, mostly what is required at school, doesn't read for pleasure much. No interest in cooking.

She does Netball on a Sat and although she's very strong with her netball skills, she isn't great with team games. She gets distracted, starts chatting with her teams mates etc.

We are out of the house a lot and summers are easier, but now the weather is cold and rainy it's going to be harder to entertain her. Plus she hasn't really got any friends at the moment, just the one who's been her friend for a long time whom she's not really keen on meeting.

So I expect a lot of sadness and loneliness this winter ☹️.

My son is VERY high energy and struggles sometimes if he isn't kept busy enough. He has football 3 times a week and taekwando on the other days. He walks the mile back and forth to school and we keep him hiking and running around on the weekends and he can still struggle to sit still.

I'd personally look at martial arts - it's a great option for ADHD kids but all other kids too. Progress is individualised, it's energetic but also requires focus and if you find a supportive club, you'll get a great environment too.

Sounds like she may need more active hobbies than you enjoyed if she’s full of energy and bouncing around? And structured coaching as not every child can self motivate and teach themselves. Maybe sports clubs like football, basketball or athletics or indoor climbing walls with an instructor, or hiking/rambling/cycling if you and DH can take her on days off as a family activity.

Is part of the problem that she is different to you as a child ? More energetic?

and you are critical of her motor skills and she may well pick up on that - they are like sponges and just a flicker in the eyes gives the game away - praise even if it’s not in your eyes very good might help

For an energetic inside activity... dance videos she can follow. There's loads of Just Dance videos on YouTube for example.

Oh climbing is a good one too!

My daughter can struggle socially (she is autistic) and doing an activity together is a great ice breaker. So I take them climbing or to the 'good' playpark or something like that.

Put her in for more things - dance, swimming, ice skating, martial arts, football. She’s at a good age for trying things out.

It sounds like she needs more high energy activities and more structure.

I know lots of MNetters judge families who have a lot of sports and clubs in their weeks but for some dc it is a route to managing tricky behaviour, social issues and helps reduce battles over screen time.

Does she swim?

Can I suggest Brownies or scouts? as a former leader we had many ND kids who thrived there. Trampolining is the most popular activity in my son’s ND group. Swimming is good for sensory input.

Martial arts or riding (that is expensive though).

DD is ND and never was good with teams, singular sports worked really well though.

Drama school - not a musical theatre/dance thing - can also be good.

You've described plenty of hobbies and interests. She doesn't need to be good at them. She sounds energetic so lean into that and get her plenty of exercise.

I'd also say you need to be careful how you speak about her or around her. Saying she has no hobbies or interests, and then listing several and saying she isn't good at them. She will pick up on this criticism.

Just been reading your updates, it sounds like she’s in a fair few clubs already.
I think a few of them will be trial and error. She might not like things straight away but it could be a case of persevering with the stuff she’s showing strength in/seems to enjoy more. She doesn’t need to be really good at them, at this age, its about enjoying them and learning new experiences.

My dd is 6, she hated swimming at first and used to cry everytime water went on her face, we decided to keep going, as for me, being a confident swimmer is a life skill. She now absolutely loves it and it’s probably her favourite activity, after drawing!

I know it can be expensive, but what about tennis or martial arts where the classes are a bit smaller?
Athletic clubs?
Bigger team, but would she like to play on a girls football team? High energy to let of steam.

It's a bit confusing because you've mentioned brownies, gymnastics, quiz club and netball which seems like plenty for an 8 year old. Do you mean interests she can do at home/with friends informally? Does she like Lego? Gardening? Would she write letters to a friend/family member?

I also have an 8 year old who does gymnastics not very well but I think it helps him burn off energy and he seems happy to go so I'm happy for him to keep going to it.

How much screen time does she get?

It’s also normal for them to try lots of different things / by the time they are teens they (I believe) need their “own” hobby but at this age anything goes

they also don’t need loads of play dates and friends round in school time / they can easily get hyper feom
being over stimulated as much as under

she still needs you to be her main playmate in term time

either more exercise or more down time - mine loved a bath at that age