I am so sorry to post this on chat, but I'm not sure where else to put this.
I know enough about my own mental state to know that I'm in crisis, but I don't know how what to say or how to ask for the help I need, I can't find the words to be able say them out loud.
Im so scared and feel so incredibly lonely, and I feel as though my heart is going to break.
I don't know how to reach out to my husband, family or friends without them going ""ffs red, why are you in this mess yet again, have you not learned the lessons from all the times before??" and I can't answer the question because I don't know why. I just am - back in an absolute shit show of a financial mess.
DH will be furious, (and rightly so), I have spoken to my closest friend, and given her some of the detail, (to be clear I have not asked her to help financially, and nor would I) but I feel as though she has distanced herself because I am so shit.
At 51, I should have my shit together, but I don't.
I don't know how to carry on with this life , I want to run away and be somewhere where I can't hurt those I love.