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Original poster

Asking for help from friends / acquaintances - do you?

26 replies

BackOnceAgainForThe · 19/10/2025 08:56

Inspired by a chat with DH this morning…

We’ve just bought a fairly big trampoline for the kids and it now needs putting together (😭). DH reckons it’s not really something you’d ask friends to help with — says it’s too much of a job. I’m kind of on the fence… I feel like you should be able to ask, as long as you’re not offended if people say no (which is totally fair enough!).

It got me thinking how different things feel these days. It doesn’t seem as common to ask friends or neighbours for help with these sorts of things anymore. When I was growing up in the 80s/90s, everyone used to muck in — friends helping with DIY or garden jobs, putting up Christmas lights, neighbours’ kids washing cars for pocket money, borrowing sugar or milk, that kind of thing. I remember when I first moved house, friends helped me pack, and I did the same for them.

I guess there is a sense of worrying people will think badly of you for asking (maybe prompting a CF post😂)..

Has that sense of community just faded now? Are we just all too busy and broken from working all the hours or are people just different now?

OP posts:
Truetoself · 19/10/2025 08:59

Hmm interesting thought. TBH all my friends are busy and struggle to find time for their own DIY and chores so why would I then ask them to help with mine?

Original poster
BackOnceAgainForThe · 19/10/2025 09:38

Truetoself · 19/10/2025 08:59

Hmm interesting thought. TBH all my friends are busy and struggle to find time for their own DIY and chores so why would I then ask them to help with mine?

I feel torn on this - I suppose if we all helped each other a bit, then things wouldn’t feel so overwhelming, but it’s a bit of a vicious circle iykwim.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 19/10/2025 09:47

Off (main) topic.
But I pretty much assembled our 14ft trampoline myself, and finished it off with then-H when he got home from work. Only took a couple of hours.

researchers3 · 19/10/2025 09:50

I ask for help on the basis that I wouldnt be offended if someone said no and I wouldn't mind if a close friend asked me.

CarolwithoutanE · 19/10/2025 09:57

Chasingsquirrels · 19/10/2025 09:47

Off (main) topic.
But I pretty much assembled our 14ft trampoline myself, and finished it off with then-H when he got home from work. Only took a couple of hours.

Yep, same here. Make sure you attach the springs in the right order too, 12 o’clock, 6 o’clock, 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock. Move around so your new 12 o’clock is in the middle of what was your 12 and 3 o’clock… then repeat until finished.

My sister didn’t do this and ended up really struggling on the last few springs which then pulled the frame and it didn’t stand properly.

Original poster
BackOnceAgainForThe · 19/10/2025 10:38

CarolwithoutanE · 19/10/2025 09:57

Yep, same here. Make sure you attach the springs in the right order too, 12 o’clock, 6 o’clock, 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock. Move around so your new 12 o’clock is in the middle of what was your 12 and 3 o’clock… then repeat until finished.

My sister didn’t do this and ended up really struggling on the last few springs which then pulled the frame and it didn’t stand properly.

Show quote history

That is very helpful advice! 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
BackOnceAgainForThe · 19/10/2025 10:39

researchers3 · 19/10/2025 09:50

I ask for help on the basis that I wouldnt be offended if someone said no and I wouldn't mind if a close friend asked me.

This is exactly how I feel about asking - wouldn’t be offended if someone said no at all and wouldn’t feel bad for saying no myself, if I couldn’t help.

I guess it’s more than people feel they can’t ask anymore, like my DH..

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2025 10:40

We have friends we’d ask for help with something like this, as we’ve done similar for them.

FamousSideeye · 19/10/2025 10:44

Me and my friends help each other out with big gardening projects, diy or decorating. It’s a way to hang out together whilst doing something productive.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 19/10/2025 10:45

Painting parties! I remember them.

think you are absolutely right and it's a real shame.

I guess in my (middle class, professional) family the difference from my generation and my parents is longer hours and both parents working, which also means fewer friends very locally.. so we use handymen and then that has become normal. Though as a type this I also think the men of the previous generation were generally quite DIY savvy, whereas my lot are definitely not.

It's definitely contributing to a weaker society so something needs to change ie working hours, although on the bright side handymen are doing well..

Anyway - I think you should ask your neighbour - provide beer.

DiscoBob · 19/10/2025 10:45

I wouldn't ask a neighbour to help erect a shed or a trampoline. Not in a million years! In fact I only know the names of about five sets of neighbours and only have phone numbers for two of them.

I don't really have many friends who'd be willing to help. There is a young lad, well he's about 28 now, a family friend, who I might ask for help in exchange for payment. As he has done odd jobs occasionally before.

Cheesytwists · 19/10/2025 10:46

Possibly for a much bigger job - one which obviously couldn't be done by 2 people.
If I was your friend I would wonder why you and your DH felt you couldn't build it yourselves - it's only really 2 man job and I'd think it was a bit odd you asking.

As PP has said, all your friends will likely have their own list of things they should be doing in their house and garden.

Original poster
BackOnceAgainForThe · 19/10/2025 21:55

For context, I can’t help with the job due to a flare up of 3 connected health conditions, otherwise I’d be tinkering away!

OP posts:
Plasterflag · 20/10/2025 00:55

No, I never ask for help, I'm very independent and would find it intrusive. DH has put up a small trampoline with my adult DS. For small DIY jobs beyond their capabilities we've paid a handyman. I don't drive and have pulled home medium sized furniture on a trolley over a mile and on public transport rather than ask for help. I'm not very community minded and I don't see it as something that needs to change. I don't want to ask for help but I also wouldn't want to feel obliged to give favours to others either.

WoahWoahandThriceWoah · 20/10/2025 06:23

My husband (grew up on a really rough council estate, this is, I think, relevant) used to ask friends for help with the most mundane tasks. I think that is how they bonded! Spending a few hours tinkering at the weekend.
I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, asking for help was always considered a very last resort, mainly because if a job needed doing it needed doing there and then and waiting for back up to arrive could have been the difference between life and death or at least a small job turning into a big job.
My husband doesn't ask for as much help anymore, mainly because he realised I found it toe curlingly embarrassing! If we can't do it ourselves we pay a professional to do it.

EllaPaella · 20/10/2025 10:12

my husband did ask for help assembling our trampoline- his best mate came round to to do it and they went for a beer afterwards (courtesy of DH). I would absolutely help my friends out when I can and do so on a reasonably regular basis as they do for me. Things like helping out with the odd dog walk, feeding cats if they go away, looking after kids for a few hours here and there. I’d be happy to give a couple of hours to help with a DIY project if I was free. I think most of my friends know they could ask for help if they needed to and not feel awkward about it and vice versa.

JadziaD · 20/10/2025 10:23

DH wouldn't ask people for help if he was on fire.

DH will help anyone who asks, at any time, and go above and beyond when asked.

Drives me absolutely batty. I don't mind either one but I HATE that it lands up being so one sideed because he won't ever ask for help in return.

I do also think it depends what help is being asked for. A trampoline feels a bit like it should be something that can be done without extra help but if it's a particularly large one, perhaps a play date and trampoline set up could work.

I also think it depends on who. I personally am far more comfortable asking family or one or two close friends for help, in a way that I wouldn' tmost people I know.

I am always a bit bemused by people who are always asking for help though, for all kinds of things. And in my experience, those people are also often the ones who are no where to be seen when you need help.

Hanschristiananderson · 20/10/2025 10:31

I only know the neighbours on either side to speak to about once a year in passing. I don’t know any of the others. I would never dream of asking for help. I wish it was different though.

DancingLions · 20/10/2025 10:39

I generally don't need to ask for help as I have 2 adult DC for extra hands when needed! I know they will help their friends with things and vice versa though.

But yes, I think it's mostly just that people have very little spare time now. I also think a lot of us (and I include myself) are also a bit more selfish now. I wouldn't ask others for help as I wouldn't want anyone to ask me!

ThatKindPlumBeaker · 20/10/2025 10:47

I think that is such a small thing to ask, an extra pair of hands for to put together a toy for the kids.. I would find it easy to ask this and would help. I find it far more awkward when I need witnesses or referees for legal things like passports as people you thought were friends or close enough become hesitant to write their name and details on official papers for you and when you need someone in certain professions to sign it becomes even more awkward and limiting as they usually have been asked before so get fed up or don't want to risk their professional standing. So in short, I would ask and give help depending on what it is and who it is for.

JadziaD · 20/10/2025 11:03

ThatKindPlumBeaker · 20/10/2025 10:47

I think that is such a small thing to ask, an extra pair of hands for to put together a toy for the kids.. I would find it easy to ask this and would help. I find it far more awkward when I need witnesses or referees for legal things like passports as people you thought were friends or close enough become hesitant to write their name and details on official papers for you and when you need someone in certain professions to sign it becomes even more awkward and limiting as they usually have been asked before so get fed up or don't want to risk their professional standing. So in short, I would ask and give help depending on what it is and who it is for.

I really never understand this and it shows that so many people are clueless. If someone is a friend, and I know them, then of course I'll sign their passport for them - all I'm doing is confirming that yes, I know this person and to the best of my knowledge, they are the person they say they are. I'm not taking on responsibility to prove they're not a master criminal. Ditto - yes, I'll sign as a witness where ALL I am signing to is that I personally witnessed you signing this document. I'm not respponsible for the document's contents.

I think people have become so paranoid and also a little stupid to be so worried about this stuff and I'm constantly surprised by how often I hear others say they can't find someone to do these really basic things anymore.

ThatKindPlumBeaker · 20/10/2025 11:16

@JadziaD well thank you, yes exactly signing is often to confirm that yes you have seen them sign this document in that moment in time, or that yes this picture it is them as I have seen them in front of me or for so many years etc, it is not saying you believe them to be a perfect human beings who never lied or did anything bad. I think people are so paranoid about it and don't understand or want near or far from legal documents.. which is their right of course but it has and can make things pretty awkward in a society like the UK were people are more reserved, more cautious and independent, to then ask applicants to rely on non family to verify their identity or witness their documents as if the government doesn't know the nature of its own people... oh wait! 🙄

xogossipgirlxo · 20/10/2025 11:47

We ask family, but not friends. I wouldn’t mind doing someone a favour that isn’t time consuming, but gardening etc. we hardly have time to do our own garden

Augustus40 · 10/11/2025 15:55

I ask for paid help from the gardener and handyman but wd never dream of asking anybody else for help or favours as not only is it never needed I also think it is cheeky to ask. I have always been very independent though.
If anything needs moving or lifting that is extra heavy I ask my 20 yr old ds to assist.

HappyAsASandboy · 10/11/2025 17:14

I would (and do) ask friends or neighbours for help when I need it, but assembling a trampoline when I already have the help of a DH wouldn’t be a need for help! I can’t imagine why you’d need more than two adults (one adult really, the other just around in case help is needed or to make it all quicker).

I have asked for a lift to the garage with a flat tyre to get a new one fitted. I’ve asked for help to fix a minor problem on my caravan because I couldn’t work it out and knew the man next door would know. I’ve asked for tinned tomatoes/an egg or similar for kids school cooking tomorrow. I give and ask for lifts for their kids and mine if we’re going to the same events. I pass clothes on and receive them (from different people in size order of the kids!).

So yes, I ask for and give help. But I wouldn’t ask for help putting together a trampoline!

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