Okay, so I'm not a "disaster" really, but my DM said I was today

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

...after she said that she thought i was disorganised for not having the right type of coat to wear for our forthcoming EuroDisney trip in a week's time...😟😳

Yes. I know, I'm disorganised, and I have always been. My life does feel like I pretty much just bimble from day to day life, not knowing my arse from my elbow. Perhaps some element of possible undiagnosed ADHD perhaps, or just me being a lot more scatterbrained than my overly efficient DM and my DH...

But I know it's silly to say I dont have a suitable coat, even though I actually have too many (cheap, unsuitable) coats for travelling, changeable weather etc.

That's probably why I felt annoyed at the suggestion I was a disaster, and I know that my DM was probably just half joking.

It did hurt a bit though, as I do think I am always lacking in planning and organising skills. And perhaps she hit a nerve. 😔😟

You are who you are and that’s nothing to feel shit about. Every time she makes a comment like that, fire straight back at her. Perhaps say something like ‘Anyone would think it’s a trauma response to being brought up by the head of the PTA Committee; I’m the only child I know whose toys were arranged in alphabetical order’. Or tell her you’re planning on buying her some Colonel Gadaffi style epaulettes and a clip board for Christmas.

The world needs organisers. And it needs people who are not so organised. It would be a recipe for disaster if there were too many in either category. Embrace yourself. And if you can afford it, get on Regatta and order yourself one of those waterproof jackets with the fleece that zips in and out of it. Not the most stylish, but you’ll be warm and dry. I’d say to wear a leopard print fake fur just to annoy her, but if it rains, you’ll never hear the end of it!

It's not a helpful thing to say to anyone is it - especially if you manage to get from one day to the next in reasonable nick, and everyone fed, house still standing etc etc. I'm a bit similar and my mum says similar. Her gift to me last weekend was a roll of dish cloths from B&M. This was her "it's lovely to see you as we haven't been to you for six months" gift haha. I'm not ungrateful but it was a little insight into the way she thinks.

I know what you mean about loads of coats but none that are suitable 🤣 Hopefully you can find something nice for your trip.

You've identified you don't have a suitable coat and have a whole week to buy one. How is that disorganised?

Also confused why you’re worrying about this and not trawling for coats - I do think it’s impossible to get by without 4 coats: smart wool, casual jacket, rain coat and full on polar experience.

and really, I like two kinds of polar coat - one for slightly warmer and one for Baltic.

good luck with the shopping!

I learned early on trips, if you’ve got your passport and money, you can actually forget everything else….

I think it’s hard to shake off a reputation for being scatty. So even if you buy a suitable coat and have one for the trip, you’re still known as disorganised.

I am scatty too and I feel judged about it. But the upside is I never panic when I find myself without the correct ticket for eg as I know it will all work out in the end!

I bought a coat yesterday. It didn't require any planning, I just saw it in a charity shop, tried it on, decided it was a bargain and bought it. You have a whole week to prepare and plan for your coat purchase, you'll be fine.

Some mothers just like to put people down, makes them feel better about themselves and it easier then becoming a better person.

Go buy a decent coat and price your mum wrong on this.

You know, I have friends who are real planners and do loads of research into everything and spend loads of time organising their life.

I tend to just put my phone in my pocket and go. Outcomes are basically the same? All my bills are paid by Direct Debit. I have a Google Calendar that automatically captures things like flight times when I buy a ticket. My phone tells me when to get up and when to go to bed. The insurance company etc emails you when it's time to buy a new policy. The trains have their destinations written on them. You can subscribe to things you need over and over. Shops exist and you can get supplies there if you forget something. Modern life is extremely convenient and easy to navigate.

I'm skeptical that all this planning is necessary. It's fine if you enjoy it! But if you don't, I think it's fine to have a bath instead.

I’m a planner and do you know what I’ve realised? Most people are not. If you’re the planner you get the worse deal as you worry and like PP said, most things work out fine anyway.
we planners are just cross that others don’t feel the pressure and still get away with stuff. A week is loads of time to buy a coat. But when you get one don’t mention it to her, that will only validate her unnecessary concern. Enjoy your holiday!

Love this reply, thank you! It really cheered me up and made me chuckle, especially the last sentence! You sound wonderful and kind ✨️💗

If you have a coat suitable for the UK (cheap as it may be) you have a coat suitable for Paris. It’s only autumn, and Paris is generally slightly warmer than much of the UK. You’re not going to Minsk in deepest darkest winter.

I want a new coat now 😁

I can’t work out if this post is sarcastic or not 🤣 “four coats” including “smart wool”. That’s very much a personal fashion choice 🤣

I was slightly joking @Ifatreefalls - but I do have a lot of coats, and I’m invariably wearing the wrong one for the weather. Somehow I survive 😂

Thank you everyone for your kind replies ✨️

I won't say how many (cheap).coats i have as it will make you cringe - i think it's an reflection in some ways of my feelings and response to various things that have happened to me (head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic drugs and getting a movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia from them). I think buying clothes/things is slightly addictive and makes me feel better about myself, and then I regret it sometimes as it reminds me of how I seem to be spending money to make me feel better (but I don't and then feel skint 😳😅).

Lol I digressed a bit there, sorry! Anyway, that is partly an explanation for my buying habits of unsuitable coats 😅

I wouldn’t sweat it - you can always get a thrill from donating any with function overlaps. This time of year the charity shops or Vinted will have lots of costs and a good place to buy or sell.

Here's a Superdry coat that I thought looked suitable - although it might not be good enough for my DM! 😅

https://www.superdry.com/womens/jackets/hooded-fuji-lite-wave-padded-jacket-272629.html

I might quote The Smiths at my DM: "I would go out tonight, but i haven't got a stitch to wear" and see what she says 😅

We can’t all be good at everything; your mother is much worse off than you because she can’t be a pleasant human being. Stop letting her bring you down.

If my mum ever says anything to criticise me I just say “I blame the parents”

What particular coat do you need for a weekend in Disney that means none of your existing coats would do?

Yeah, surely a jumper and an anorak is all you need? Something you can throw in a bag if/when it’s not raining.

I’m also confused as to why your mum is so sure you need a new coat - for Paris in October? I mean buy one if you want to for sure, but surely what you have for here will work for there.
Have fun anyway!

Two things OP- 1. Do you really not have a cost you could take, or do you just not have a coat your mother thinks would be exactly what she would want to wear?

and 2. You need to reframe what being disorganised means. You don’t go away for another week! You have identified there’s a gap in what you need to have for the holiday a week before you go, so you have time this weekend to go buy what you need. That’s not disorganised! Disorganised is just throwing things in a bag as the taxi to the airport is 5 minutes away from your house and only then realising you don’t have anything that would do (if not perfect) and having to buy stuff at the airport.

Your mother might be one of those who makes a list 2 months before travel and has her bag packed at least 2 weeks in advance, having planned out exactly what she will wear each day (including which earrings with which top etc), but “working out a week before you go what you need, buying what you don’t have and then packing a couple of days before you go” is completely normal and not disorganised.

The stressed out over planners really hate normal people. They often treat perfectly normal behaviour like this as a failing. It’s fine, if you don’t have the perfect coat, it won’t matter.

Be careful being at a theme park with someone like your mum, I bet she’s going to want a plan of which ride you’ll go on when and no just seeing something you fancy and joining that queue.

Lol well, i probably do have a suitcase full of suitable coats but not one my DM may think is ok and she'd wear!'

I'm trying to decide between two Superdry ones - the one above and another bomber jacket style one. I can't decide if that will be too hot though 😫