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Original poster

Do you get on with your in-laws?

28 replies

GreatUserName · 17/10/2025 07:56

Or if you had a fraught relationship with them initially, did things ever improve as time went by?

I've been married for 31 years.
The first 10 or so of those, my in-laws were not very nice people.
The next 10 years, we kind of kept a healthy distance.
I have noticed now that they are much older, they have mellowed in their ways and we rub along OK.

From my DH's perspective - he says (and I quote) he "won the in-laws lottery".

OP posts:
Nowheretobeseen · 17/10/2025 08:07

I get on with my FIL. He’s a bit too much sometimes in the sense of he’s a very nosy person, likes to be in everyone’s business but I’ve learnt to have selective hearing 😂 he’s always done alot for my DC. My MIL I havent spoken to in over a month. Shes a very emotionless and quite rude person sometimes. Doesn’t care much for me either. I stopped speaking to her after she was extremely rude to me infront of DH. We were having a conversation and she was just interrupting and not letting me finish, wouldn’t listen to what I was trying to say and I just walked away. Sometimes it makes me sad, I always tried very hard to have a good relationship but she’s just not interested. Hey ho.

Rocknrollstar · 17/10/2025 08:15

I always got on with my in laws but they did live 120 miles away although we saw them regularly. DH loved my parents. I think many people on Mumsnet don’t consider how difficult it can be to be a MiL. What it is like to see the dynamics of an established family disrupted by a newcomer, however lovely they are. I hope all those people who complain will bear it in mind when they in turn become the dreaded in-laws.

ELO10538 · 17/10/2025 08:18

MIL - yes. FIL - we detest each other.

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Families
Lilington · 17/10/2025 08:20

I have got on really well with both my sets of in laws.
(I married and divorced twice)

I see my most recent set of in laws regularly as they are almost neighbours and they have cut contact with my ex husband, their son, because he is an utter shit who was awful to them as well as me.

Motheranddaughter · 17/10/2025 08:31

Married 30 years and get on well with my ILs
But I always expect my DH to be the main contact
A lot of my friends seem to try and get close to their MIL at first and then later when DC come along they have disagreements
From the beginning I have tried to avoid all of that,so that if MIL phoned to ask if we wanted to do whatever eg go round for tea I would always put her on to my DH or say we would call her back

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:37

Has your DH been your advocate in all these many years where you’ve had a difficult relationship with his parents?

Craftysue · 17/10/2025 08:40

I got on fine with both in laws. We lived 50 miles apart so weren't in each others pockets but saw them regularly and they were great with the kids. Bothy passed away now and I miss them

BadActingParsley · 17/10/2025 08:41

Yes, get on very well, they’ll often ring me for a chat rather than DH, which vexes him slightly as he’ll often be sitting next to me. Been on holiday with them, they live round the corner and look after dog and house when we are away. That still get on with his ex too.

I did indeed win the in law lottery. My parents died when I was fairly young so DH never had to interact. He gets on ok with my siblings who we see every so often. He still gets on well with his first wife’s in laws still though they live abroad.

Sparkletastic · 17/10/2025 08:42

They think we get on well. Luckily they moved far away so I rarely have to see them.

AnnaMagnani · 17/10/2025 08:45

My DH gets on brilliantly with his MIL. Buts that's because she made a massive effort to let him know she likes him, never lets on when he gets on her nerves and doesn't make demands.

I did not get so lucky. However over the years we have mellowed towards each other.

Enko · 17/10/2025 08:47

I only knew FIL for 5 years before he passed but he was a nice man.

I loved mil dearly and miss her every day. She passed 6 years ago. 25 years after U first met her. Dh often says I had a better relationship w mil than he did (and his was good)

I often said my mil was Gods way of making up for my mother.

Motnight · 17/10/2025 08:48

No. My MIL is a very toxic person (I don't use that term loosely). I tried very hard for nearly 30 years to be the bigger person. I eventually went no contact, no grand announcement, after she was openly criticising my DH and I at our wedding (we got married 30 years after we met!). My daughter followed when her grandmother called her a fucking cunt. My DH followed when she called him a thief. My only regret is that I should have done it sooner, she was always an appalling person.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/10/2025 08:50

I was very lucky with mine .... they were very supportive, emotionally, practically and financially, yet didn't stick their nose in or have expectations. We lost both of them within a year of each other recently and I really miss them.

My DH, not so lucky with my mum. She was a lovely person but never really understood why I chose him, thought I'd married beneath myself and made that quite clear, to the detriment of my relationship with her. My DDs did not have the close relationship with her that they had with my MIL, they adored her.

Original poster
GreatUserName · 17/10/2025 09:01

@Andprettygood he stepped up when necessary yes, but I was brought up to stand on my own two feet so I wasn't a pushover by any means.
There was never any major drama, just that they were stuck in their ways and were quite blinkered in their outlook.
Also thought they knew best on a lot of things.
It is such a difficult relationship to navigate I think.
I totally agree with @Rocknrollstar there!

OP posts:
NewYorkSummer · 17/10/2025 09:14

I never see mine, but then DH isn’t too fussed
about them either (long story going back many years). I’ve always been polite when we do see them but I’ve never been interested in forming any kind of relationship. My parents are the default family and grandparents and the ones who’ve been there for us no matter what.

MinnieMountain · 17/10/2025 09:17

Yes. Although MIL living with us during the COVID lockdowns (she’s single) rather strained things.

WhatALightbulbMoment · 17/10/2025 09:33

We don't have much of a relationship, they live hundreds of miles away and we see them for ten days twice a year. I think they are very nice people, but find it impossible to build a relationship with them that goes beyond small talk.

Th1sre · 17/10/2025 09:37

not really, at the beginning it was okay but there was a lot of drama from them when we got married and then every life decision we made as a couple (such as what house we rented etc) became intensively scrutinised and became my fault somehow, I don’t visit them often now dh goes alone and it makes life a lot nicer.

Karatema · 17/10/2025 09:50

My lovely late MiL was amazing. My late FiL and I tolerated each other.
I hope my DDiLs like me. My youngest DDiL relies on me as she is NC with her own M, now has no one, because her DSis would tell their M where she is! So has lost contact with her too.
I believe my other DDiL likes me because she’s always been happy to spend time with me even when DS is not home.
My DH likes my DP and happily helps when asked.

IsThisLifeNow · 17/10/2025 10:14

I did get on with them at first, then they got strange, stopped buying me a birthday or Christmas presents, but were still civil enough but made digs about how we were tight with money. We weren't tight, just skint, but always paid our fair way. I have now separated from their son and haven't heard a peep out of them which genuinely makes me sad.

I understand it from my MIL, but I thought I was friends with SIL and it hurts that she hasn't checked in that I'm ok. STBExH came out as gay, cheated with random men online and had been lying for our entire relationship, so I've done nothing wrong at all yet my life has been turned upside down. If my brother had done to the my SIL I would have felt really bad for her and definitely sent some messages to make sure she was ok. STBExH says he's told them the truth, but I do wonder exactly what he's told them. We have 2 young kids together too, so we will likely have contact in the future. Its strange.

QueenClinomania · 17/10/2025 10:16

Always, they're wonderful and I love them.

notacooldad · 17/10/2025 10:18

FIL died when my dh was at primary school.
His mum was very old school tough as old boots and a no nonsense sort of woman who could do everything.
We got on great. She has been dead a long time now but I miss her still.
I get on extremely well with SIL and Bil.
Me and dh have been together for 35 years.

Bluebottlerecycling · 17/10/2025 10:21

We got on very well when my husband and I were dating and first married.

They are lovely people, generous and kind.

We encountered some problems when the children were small as we all worked out where our boundaries were. It got easier as the children got older.

My husband and I have both worked very hard to get on with each other’s families and keep things on an even keel, but we also back each other up when necessary.

thisishowloween · 17/10/2025 10:28

MIL passed away last year but we always had a decent relationship - we weren’t close (very different people) but we always had a chat and there was no animosity.

I have a good relationship with FIL and we see each other most days as he looks after the dog for us while we work.

We don’t see my parents as much as they live further away but they like DH and have always had a good relationship with him. When DH was diagnosed with diabetes several months ago my dad was a great support for him (retired doctor).

bananaegg · 17/10/2025 10:54

My husband won the in-laws lottery.
I adore my FIL and tolerate my MIL.