What are the duties of a sahm?

[wherearetheturrets]

What do you think the role of a sahm is? Should sahms be completely responsible for all
household tasks (cooking, cleaning, organisation, financial management, meal planning, shopping, errands and appointments)? What is a fair division of household labour when one person works full time and the other is a sahp? And do you think what’s fair depends on children’s ages?

I think it depends on the child's ages, needs and how many DC.

Isn't that up to the couple (assuming it's one working, one SAHP) to decide?
There are no rules. It's down to each family.

We were pretty much 50/50 when my husband was home from work. He had to work away for several years so we had a cleaner. When he was back at weekends, he cooked.

There's no terms and conditions for sahm and there doesnt need to be. Its not a type of ememployment.

What do you think the role of a journalist is? Should they be responsible for their own puff pieces, or share responsibility with an internet forum?

I think it depends on the kids' ages, needs, and nature of partner's job. If they're out of the home all day and hardly in the house you can't expect them to do much on their work days.
If they're WFH you could expect a bit more.

I was a SAHM twice for around 3 years each time, before returning to work. In those times I did much of the housework and life stuff as I wasn't out of the house working, at weekends DH would do some cleaning or hoovering and we'd also try to give each other time on our own.

It should be an agreement between both parties.

It depends. I know one sahm who had a nanny (2 children) and a cleaner.

Cooking
Cleaning
Flower arranging
Towel folding into animal shapes
Yoga
Decorating house for special occasions
Wordle
Midday drinking
Quick cry
Laundry

Oh goody, will we end up with one of those lists from the 50s which include making sure to put lipstick on and not bother hubbie when he comes home from his terribly important job?

I know that if anyone tried to give me a list of duties I would tell them to get lost, and that the other parent doesn't get to opt out of being an adult because they work. Does that help?

A simple approach would be the sahp does most of the day to day stuff unless you have some unusual set up such as a disabled child that needs significantly more support and medical appointments

I say this because a full time job is at least 37hrs even if no commute and there is no way o spend half that on housework and life admin

no more than an hour a day on food prep - breakfast and and a pack up for the other person is less than ten minutes and many dinners are 30 mins start to finish

2 hrs food shopping including unpacking a week

less than an hour a day on housework and laundry - it’s not 5 mins to load a washing machine, 5 to hang out and 10 to put stuff away when dry if there are lots of socks

over a year less than an hour a day on appointments and financial management

so that means mornings and afternoon school are free to devote to the kids - slightly different pattern if kids are still really small but not having many naps but then they have to learn to play whilst I’m cooking

Depends... one school aged child, or three disabled preschoolers?
Father travelling for work for months on end, or home at 4pm every day?
Other responsibilities... like caring for an elderly relative?

But as a rule of thumb... they are a Parent, not a slave

I always felt that I should be ‘working’ the same amount of hours as he did, and we should have the same amount of down time. Ish.
the actual role will differ completely from family family so I don’t think this is a good question.

I used to do more household/ child care stuff than DH as I worked PT but as I had all school holidays off, during that time I felt I should do everything as I was home all day and we only had one DC, although he continued to do the garden. In terms of household admin I did child related stuff but he did bills etc

how everything is split comes down to whether the couple actually like each other or not.

like each other? Both pull their weight, however that looks.

Don’t like each other? Laze around/do hobbies at the other spouses expense.

😂

I'm a sahm. My job is to entertain, teach, cuddle and feed my 23-month-old during the hours my husband is doing his equally all-engaging job. Since I'm at home and find a few mins here and there, I usually put a wash on every day and clean up the mess we make as we go along. I also make dinner as Dh is just home and I enjoy the time in another room while he entertains her for a while. When Dh isn't working, childcare and housework are split equally.
When she's aleep, he prefers life admin whereas I prefer ironing so we've taken those roles on.

Keep children alive

Anything else a bonus

I think the SAHM should do most things through the week. Maybe a bit of help at weekends.

I assume this comment means you think I’m a journalist. I’m not, I’m a sahm

I didn’t want to include personal information in the main post. I think it’s probably important to include as it does impact peoples thoughts on what set up should be but wanted to start off with a fairly rudimentary idea of what’s ‘expected’ of a sahp.

There should be no expectation.

but personally I’d feel like a bit of an arsehole if I sat and binge watched Netflix whilst my little ones slept/played independently/were at school whilst my spouse was at work then wanted 50/50 once he was home

And equally the wohp would be an arsehole if they finished work, went to the gym, then pub, then home after bed whilst the sahp wrangled 4 under 5s to bed then got on with housework.

Didn't finish previous post sorry as was rushing out the door.

post was following a disagreement with dp. Every week when I do the shopping list I ask him for some meal suggestions for the week. I hate cooking but cook 99.9% of our meals. I make a meal plan, make a list based on said meal plan, and check whether we need anything that’s not on the list etc. I then do the shopping, either with 2 small dc on my own, or if dp isn’t at work then he comes too as he actually likes going food shopping. Then I am always the one who puts all the shopping away when we get home, and as mentioned I basically do all the cooking.

Every time I ask him for meal suggestions he acts like I’m asking too much of him. I have tried to explain that I think the organisation and preparation of everyone’s meals is quite a taxing task (even more so as someone who doesn’t enjoy cooking) and that I feel I’m asking very little to just ask him to suggest some meals so I don’t have to decide all of them. He scoffed at the idea that meal planning, writing a list, shopping and cooking everything was a big task.

And in his opinion, all the things like the housework, home management etc are my job because I am a stay at home mum. I know that that was the ‘traditional’ role of a sahm, but I feel like there’s been a shift in the opinions about how much partners should be helping in the home etc. I question myself because I am at home and I do believe that all these tasks are more my responsibility because I’m here and not working, but I don’t feel that I should be solely responsible, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for some help with parts of it?

Info for relevance - 3 dc (14, 3 and 2), dp works 13 or 14hr shifts but only works 6 days a fortnight (takes 10 minutes to get to his workplace so minimal travel time). I do all financial management, taking kids places they need to be, all medical appointments, every bedtime for both young dc (except for the very very rare occasion I have plans). Dp does all diy, but that’s the only thing he has sole responsibility for around the house. Edited to add that dc3(2) is always around, dc2(3) goes to pre school 2 days a week and obviously teen is at school every day

basically op it all depends. One of my children currently takes up about 2 hours per day more of my time than my other child and has done for years.

there is only one rule …

equal down time.

Then given the detail, the problem is your dh is an arsehole. He has 8 days off a fortnight!! What does he do on those days?

I recommend online deliveries. I'm a relatively recent convert and it saves me so much time... its gone from 2hrs to 15mins each time.

I spend the same hours as a SAHM as my husband did at work. That was our approach.
Whatever work and jobs not done around the house we shared during the week.

I handled schools run for the oldest children, doctor's appointments, shopping, laundry, cleaning, preparing tea and took part in todler's class. I had one child at home full time and two school children.