Does anyone feel like life is a bit empty, like something is missing.

[BrushB]

Lately, I've been feeling a sense that something is lacking in my life but I can't quite put my finger on it or express what exactly it is.

The crazy thing is, without sounding like twat, my life is perfect. I have a fantastic DH and a great, loving relationship. We both earn well, him substantially more so. I'm at the top of my field and love what I do. Financially we're doing great and if all going to plan, will be retiring in 5 years.

I have a lovely family and great relationship with my parents and siblings including dhs family. I have 2 DC in private school who are exceeding in all areas. I have a great group of friends and a healthy social life. I have a lovely home and garden.

Looking back at my life, I've probably had it alot easier than the average person. My childhood was lovely, I loved school and had lots of friends. I didn't really struggle academically and went to uni and straight into my first graduate job and it's been upwards career wise ever since.

I feel extremely fortunate for what I have and how I've been lucky enough to be where I am without much struggle.

However, I have developed a deep uneasiness like something is missing in my life. I'm almost questioning what's the point of it all..it's like if I have everything I need why do I still feel like I want something else?
Sorry if this all sounds a bit woo but anyone else feel the same.

I think that there have been studies showing that a lot of people need to be part of something bigger than themselves in order to feel content.
So maybe think about where your passions lie and what you could join in with that would fit this theme.

Would you get involved with a local project ( friends of a local park, school pta, local litter picking champion)?

Would you volunteer to be a Beaver/Scout/Guide leader?

Would you volunteer for something that helps people in need (debt counsellor, help with food bank, charity volunteering)?

Are you drawn to the transcendent. Would you be interested in any kind of church community and some kind of faith journey towards the divine (which also might involve supporting others and some kind of volunteering)

What do you really care about? Maybe listen to your heart ( a bit woo maybe?) and see if you can identify what your deep desires are in terms of being involved in something bigger.

I agree with the previous post. It sounds like you’ve ticked everything off but what about your “spirituality”? This doesn’t have to be religious but it is a connection to yourself and something greater than yourself.
What nourishes your spirit? Time in nature, art, volunteering and reflection are usual ones.

It all sounds a bit dull and box-ticking, though. What do you love? What do you live for?

There was a study on happiness, and the conclusion was that giving is what actually brings happiness. It doesn’t have to be volunteering at the charity shop, it can just be growing lots of vegetables and then giving it away.
That, and it sounds to me like you’re reaching perimenopause.

You sound a bit bored although I'm not sure how you have time to be bored!

I used to feel like this. Two things I found myself doing without realising but they really helped:

Solitude. Spend some time, most days if you can, alone. But not just physically alone - I mean without watching TV, without listening to podcasts or musics - don’t consume anything and just let your brain think freely.

Second was going back to childhood hobbies. We don’t wrap ourselves up in thoughts of what we ‘should’ be doing when we are kids, we just do what brings us joy. I loved roaming and exploring when I was a kid - I now have a dog and we go on walks in random places and explore different paths etc. I also got back in to doing creative stuff - currently my outlet for that is interior design (in my own home!) and I’ve started playing video games again.

I feel more content now than I have in a long time.

What's challenging you at the moment and what are you achieving? It sounds like you are very comfortable but not really reaching for any new achievements or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Comfortable works for some people but not all.

This is why some people do crazy physical challenges like hiking a mountain, or ultra marathons. Or they take up new hobbies like jujitsu or learning to sail. Or anything really. Just something where you are getting personal growth rather than just comfortable.

It sounds to me like you've done everything 'right' but not necessarily what makes you feel alive. Maybe you need a surprise, or an adventure, or something deeper than that. Community, or a passion? Something where you are seen as a person rather than defined by your various roles.

One good thing about struggle is that it forces you to grow and change, and that means thinking hard about the person you really are. It sounds as though you haven't had situations that have forced that upon you, but it often happens in midlife regardless.

Do you have any hobbies or things you do for fun? I love playing netball and going to the gym, I’ve joined a female mountain bike group too. I had padel lessons as well this year. I get a huge amount of enjoyment from these and it really adds to my life. The social element is great, but I do it for the sheer joy of it.

I know this is the answer to a lot of things op but are you peri/menopausal? Those hormones leaving the building can have a big impact on your mental wellbeing.

Also yes, what do you love? What gives you a buzz? What makes your heart sing?

conflict

I feel you OP! And could have written this post. I don’t have kids but everything else is me.

I think what’s happening is we are reaching the time where children aren’t so reliant on us; we can do our big jobs with our eyes closed because we’re fucking brilliant at them; and we’re facing the realisation that we don’t know WHO WE ARE or WHAT WE WANT.

The great news is, the years we’ve put in have given us a space and freedom to choose the answers and fully indulge them. We are entering a very rewarding third stage of life. And have the funds to enjoy it.

The bad news (for me, and it sounds like for you) is I have no idea what I want. What do I love that will fill the hours, days and years ahead? Of course I have pastimes but they won’t translate to fulfilling and filled weeks/months.

It is woo. But it’s the most important question you’ll have. Look into your heart as PP said. The answer is there.

And when you find it, tell me how you did it!

Sounds like you’re bored and seeking some drama or excitement!

As others have said, I think you need to do something “meaningful”. Helping others.

I’d definitely volunteer with a charity or, heck, you could even start your own charity that aligns with your passions! If you’re retiring soon you’ll have time for it.

You could also look at ways of becoming more ethical. Such as reducing or cutting out meat, buying sustainable goods only, finding ways to reduce your carbon footprint, etc.

I honestly think that would make a difference to how you feel.

Money can't buy happiness! But "giving back" type activities can give happiness! What kinds of things can you get involved in that you might enjoy? Community events, volunteering, food banks, local charities, school governor at a state school, find your nearest Messy Church on the Messy Church website! If it's adventure you're craving, you could do something like climbing mount Kilimanjaro or running a marathon/half-marathon - still for charity via sponsors.

Find the Lord Jesus Christ

Honestly, go to a Nicky Gumbel church. It's filled with rich westerners who missed something and found God

I’m sure religious people would prompt you to look for God.

I’d say you perhaps need a garden. Or a difficult form of volunteering. Eg being an Independent Visitor for a looked-after child.

Knowledge
never stop learning

Look up the 5 ways to wellbeing….

What a shame that so many women have opened their hearts to the op and she can’t be bothered to come back.

mn is rife with this now.

Just throwing stuff out there … Do you see friends or extended family enough? Do you get to the places you used to love- beautiful scenic places? Do you challenge yourself as someone else said, with learning? Is it all go go go or do you get to just sit, listen to music read or do a hobby? There’s a list you can make where you rate the fulfilment you get from family, work, health, exercise, hobbies, friends, wellbeing, love/ relationship from 1-5 to see what needs to be worked on. Best of luck op x

It doesn’t really sound like a perfect life though. Somehow you remind me of a Joanna Trollope novel. You don’t mention joy, passion, excitement, anticipation, values, beliefs. It almost sounds as though you have been placed rather than participated in your own life.
Do you remember the Paper Aeroplane song Circus? I feel as though you need to join your (metaphorical) circus.

Glad to see you are getting positive posts I was expecting a few unpleasant jealous ones (though I haven’t read all of them!) I would agree with others - maybe volunteer? I’ve started volunteering with a homeless women’s shelter now I have a bit of free time with grown up kids.

Sorry didn't reply yesterday, was away for a wedding. Thank you so much for your replies. It's given me some food for thought. Someone mentioned spirituality and I'm not religious in any way shape or form. I don't think I believe in anything or a higher power but appreciate that this can bring a sense of purpose for some people.

Yes, I guess my life does seem a bit like one big box ticking exercise. Maybe I've been focussing too much on what I think I should achieve and what my life should look like based on societal standards instead of asking myself what type of life I want for me. This must be linked to values what someone mentioned.

Alot of you have asked what do I enjoy, what gives me a spark, I have no idea! I only have one hobby really and that's swimming, I love it and make sure I carve time out for it before work. I also like travelling and going to unusual destinations but I feel I already do that.

As selfish as it may sound I haven't thought of volunteering. I'm not sure where I'd try to fit that in but once we retire I could definitely commit to something then. I totally understand the giving back and link to happiness. Ar Xmas, at work I manage a gift fundraiser for our local children's hospice and that always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. I end up crying every single time too but it's soo worth it.

You have given me a lot to think about and I think I need to go on a little journey of self discovery. Don't know what that actually looks like yet but taking a deep look inwards and figuring out who is BrushB and what makes her tick. I've seen a few tools online for discovering your values and the life wheel as a starting point.

I'm so glad I started this post. It's fired me up and this actually has given me a spark in of itself! Thank you all.