Does anyone feel like life is a bit empty, like something is missing.

[BrushB]

Lately, I've been feeling a sense that something is lacking in my life but I can't quite put my finger on it or express what exactly it is.

The crazy thing is, without sounding like twat, my life is perfect. I have a fantastic DH and a great, loving relationship. We both earn well, him substantially more so. I'm at the top of my field and love what I do. Financially we're doing great and if all going to plan, will be retiring in 5 years.

I have a lovely family and great relationship with my parents and siblings including dhs family. I have 2 DC in private school who are exceeding in all areas. I have a great group of friends and a healthy social life. I have a lovely home and garden.

Looking back at my life, I've probably had it alot easier than the average person. My childhood was lovely, I loved school and had lots of friends. I didn't really struggle academically and went to uni and straight into my first graduate job and it's been upwards career wise ever since.

I feel extremely fortunate for what I have and how I've been lucky enough to be where I am without much struggle.

However, I have developed a deep uneasiness like something is missing in my life. I'm almost questioning what's the point of it all..it's like if I have everything I need why do I still feel like I want something else?
Sorry if this all sounds a bit woo but anyone else feel the same.

Agree! I do need some excitement too - my friend suggested I take a lover 😂

I think that's the thing - I need some time to actually be bored. Just sit and let my mind wonder, not be switched on all the time.

I had a look at the messy church website - looks fab esp for families! But really don't want to go down the religion route.

In the last year I've packed in being a school governor and a beaver leader. Both done for many years. I realised my out of work life was too much like my work life!

I'll put Joanna Trollope on my reading list. 😂

That is such a good point! I think choosing a "fun" or completely different role to what you normally do would help even though your strongest skills / experience lie elsewhere.

Well you do have a joy it’s swimming! I love being in the water too but can’t swim very well! Honestly you really do sound like you have a perfect life so it probably is the lowering of hormones. Are your parents still alive ?
I think you just need to practice gratitude, this helped my mental health more than anything else. Get a gratitude book and train your brain to make more of the positives and really appreciate them. You have listed them so it’s not like you are unaware .

Sorry ignore my question about your parents I see they are alive and well .maybe do the myers briggs personality test to understand your personality a bit more and if there is anything missing like new experiences.

Not going the Christian religion route will be your direst mistake for all of Eternity.

Because we humans are made with a greater purpose in life unlike the animal kingdom. We are made to question ourselves, that’s why we have a conscious.
I know you said you don’t want to go down the religious route but have you explored Christianity and why we are all here?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl95dYwFpAE

Orpheya, I think you probably mean well but your comment is likely to make the Op even less likely to look at spiritual/faith /Christian things.

She has been quite clear that she doesn't want to go down a faith route. We don't know why she doesn't feel it is for her but she may have had bad experiences of religion before. Everyone needs to be respected for the position they currently take about life, the universe and everything. My perspective has changed a lot on this area over time. Things may not be as clear cut as you currently think.

And this is why atheists wonder why Christianity seems to appeal to people with all the social nuance of a toaster.

Seriously, a poster posts about trying to figure out what her life is about, and your response is to threaten her with the ‘dire’ consequences of not becoming a Christian?

I don't think it's anything to do with your life or your experiences per se, I think it's the human condition to reach a point of thinking 'what is it all for', and to experience some emptiness about that. And then after a period of soul searching, to realize that it's up to you what life is all about, whether that is hedonism, giving of yourself, challenge and ambition, money, caring, community, simple pleasures. This could ultimately lead to a period of real growth and increased satisfaction, but it might be uncomfortable for a while..

Volunteering I promise you won’t feel that way after

Possibly life has been too easy?

Have you tried much in your life? I make a point of trying out lots of experiences. Some were not for me granted but you don’t know till you try. I had a motorbike, I was nursing at that point. I crashed it and haven’t been on one since. Though since retiring I’m very tempted to get one again. Retrained in my mid twenties for a completely different career. Helped set up a charity in my mid forties. Relocated a few times for work.

Was involved with politics for close to 20 years, had a religious upbringing and have dabbled in church. I describe myself as a lapsed Christian and someone that despises the political scene these days. Have done a lot of volunteering.

If you like swimming how about wild swimming? I’ve never tried it but those I know that do it say it’s wonderful. It might be too cold for you now though!

Spirituality is important but that doesn’t have to mean religion at all, just what’s important to you. I don’t know why MN seems to have been taken over by religious zealots recently that are condemning people to hell 🙈.

Volunteering is good but be careful not to give more of yourself than you are willing or able to. DH and I have been volunteering for 4 years now and it’s become a source of resentment for me anyway as it’s too much.

Happiness really isn’t something that we find through material things. (Provided the basics are covered - food safety, shelter etc.) And it isn’t something we find through fortunate situations, like having children or a partner or a career.

Were relentlessly told happiness is something outside ourselves. When you have a house you’ll be happy. When you graduate you’ll be happy. When you get married you’ll be happy.

But that’s just so empty, quite honestly.

Maybe you’re discovering that right now OP. You don’t need to rush to find meaning, because then it’s just another thing that will make you happy (when I find meaning, then I’ll be happy).

How about just living with the realisation that outside stuff isn’t the answer for a bit and see where that takes you?

Hello op. The comment you make about being concerned about what stage you’re at in life against expected norms made me think about a Mel Robbins podcast I listened to about this exact thing. It was actually aimed at people who feel they are behind where they think they should be but it might also resonate with you if you feel that pressure.

I wonder if it would be worth a few counselling sessions to dissect it all...? I had a similar feeling (maybe not uneasiness for me, more a feeling of being trapped or stuck because there was nowhere else to progress to, or grow into, it all seemed sort of...done). I found it really helpful to just view things differently, to be more present and find joy in small moments, and focus on choosing things that mean something rather than focussing on achieving things or ticking things off. It sounds very trite, but I found it really helpful, we discussed how many choices we make every day and how each choice can be deliberate. It made me feel much more comfortable with this phase of life, and much more content/relaxed. I think (similarly to you) I'd spent my whole life working towards "stuff" (exams, degree, job, house, promotion, husband, bugger house, children, children's schools, next promotion etc) and then once that's all ticked off, it leaves a weird gap. Now, I enjoy the things I worked hard for, I sit and enjoy a book, or a walk, or chatting to my children and I make sure I pause and enjoy them, and enjoy all of that existing, rather than enjoying striving for those things (if that makes sense!)
Maybe you do just need a new hobby or volunteering, or a holiday, but a good counselling session will figure that out too.

maybe some introspection would help you connect with more meaning in your life. I suggest reading Act 3 - the Art of Growing Older - Judy Reith & Adrian Reith.

I do feel a bit like I'm waiting for something to happen so I have something to look forward to. Don't know what it is though. 😂

My missing thing was writing. I'd tried to write years ago but felt I hadn't read or experienced enough. Weirdly it was some bad things - bereavement, stress, trauma, which brought about things that kick started it.

The progress in technology is amazing but I miss the days of more 'actual human' connection. Going into school/college/work and asking if everyone had watched last night's episode of whatever it was we were all watching.

I feel life is almost lacking a dimension compared to life 30 years ago.

I have also learned that I love volunteering and was a Scout Leader when my dc were young. I loved working with the other leaders and planning games, camps and activities. Loved the kids (not so much some of the parents, though). Very fulfilling.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

I often feel like this. I watch people buzzing about going to work, socialing or even food shopping and I think, “what’s it all for? Why are we here and why is everyone so desperate to get to the top? For what?” I’m a deep thinker and I often have to snap myself out of it. Maybe there’s nothing missing so much OP, just a general spiritual experience that has you thinking below the surface.

Too many people are obsessed with creating a life that looks perfect. Curated. Never questioning what their own passions are or what stirs their soul.

For me it's the community of live music, poetry, writing, helping young people be creative and political, travel.

I've spent an inordinate amount of money on concert and plane tickets, taking more instrument lessons, started a website for youth voice and am now regularly writing. This is all in the past few months, since a wonderful summer of all of the above. I'm 46. I realised I want to make the most of the time I have left.