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Original poster

Spiralling badly - can’t help but feel like a loser

26 replies

Lunalara · 09/10/2025 19:35

I was a very high achiever at uni and did well. However, I developed a low self esteem and didn’t get on a graduate programme as a result. Now I feel like I can’t go anywhere in life and close to giving up entirely. I have tried for things to get better, but I have realised that it is too late. I would rather have no life than a bad one.

OP posts:
neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 19:39

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. Your worth isn’t measured by your academic achievements. Life is so much more rich and layered than that. How old are you?

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 19:46

I am 27, 28 in less than a month.

OP posts:
neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 19:48

You’re still very young! I changed career at 30 into something entirely different and I’m now 38 and so glad I did. What sort of career would you like?

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 19:49

And also not just career but what do you want your life to look like. It’s not all about career. But focus on what you would enjoy and what would make you happy. What does that look like?

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 19:53

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 19:48

You’re still very young! I changed career at 30 into something entirely different and I’m now 38 and so glad I did. What sort of career would you like?

I hope so. The main issue with me was that I chose languages hoping to go into teaching, but I realised as someone lately diagnosed with autism that it wasn’t compatible with me. The PGCE failed me on grounds that weren’t mostly my fault (based on what 3rd party staff members told me).

I am trying to pivot into marketing, but not really sure where or how I can begin with the competition being so high…

OP posts:
40andlovelife · 09/10/2025 19:55

You’re so young! I left teaching at 40 and now work in a totally different field. I often feel I’m not excelling at what I trained to
do, I think it’s common don’t worry you’re not alone at all. Trust me , teachers are leaving in droves, bloody lucky escape!

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 19:57

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 19:49

And also not just career but what do you want your life to look like. It’s not all about career. But focus on what you would enjoy and what would make you happy. What does that look like?

Yeah you are right that it’s not all about my career. I am very unsure about having kids. I used to think I wanted them for sure, but I realised that my Christian upbringing has somewhat brainwashed me in this department. Either way, it can’t happen for some time as my boyfriend doesn’t have a career either. We have both really struggled with the current job market.

Travel is a big desire of mine, as is learning more about the world around me. I have done some travelling, but not as much as others due to the low salary I am on. I want to keep expanding my skillset and learn more languages and other skills.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 19:58

40andlovelife · 09/10/2025 19:55

You’re so young! I left teaching at 40 and now work in a totally different field. I often feel I’m not excelling at what I trained to
do, I think it’s common don’t worry you’re not alone at all. Trust me , teachers are leaving in droves, bloody lucky escape!

I am annoyed I wasn’t given a chance to enter it at all. But it probably wouldn’t have ended up going well for me.

OP posts:
Wowsersbrowsers · 09/10/2025 19:58

Have you come across squiggly careers? It's the idea you can change what you want to be multiple times in life and just switch over transferable skills. Lots of people do it. Have a look online, they have loads of podcasts on how and what to expect.

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 20:00

Would you consider private tutoring in languages OP? Or would you consider TEFL to allow you to teach English abroad and travel that way?

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 20:03

I haven’t no. I will give squigglycareers a look.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 20:04

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 20:00

Would you consider private tutoring in languages OP? Or would you consider TEFL to allow you to teach English abroad and travel that way?

Realistically it is what I should have done last year, but I worry that the longer it takes to get into the private sector, the harder it’s going to be.

OP posts:
neverwakeasleepingbaby · 09/10/2025 20:05

I knew a few people who taught English in Japan and Korea. Is that something that appeals?
I totally understand that what happened with the PCGE is frustrating.
I would try to let go of academic/career achievement being linked to worth, and really consider what you want your life to look like, in the near future but also in a couple of decades time.
Something that I didn’t understand for a very long time was that you really need a job and lifestyle that fits your personalty type. And people can suggest things that they would like but if they’re not like you then it won’t be a good fit.
Take some time to gather information to make yourself a plan 🙂

Usernamehistoryfull · 09/10/2025 20:13

That sounds like a fabulous combination of skills and desires, OP. I had a similar hankering when I was young (yes, you're still young) and I sadly let life tie me down. I didn't travel until I was much older, late thirties ish, after my fiance left me and I finally realised my life was actually my own to live. Bluntly, find a TEFL job online, save up for a plane ticket and go! Life has lined up like this for you to be able to do that, just as it did for me back then. It's hella scary but it's easier to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did.

AzureCats · 09/10/2025 20:15

For me it helps to know your strengths and weaknesses. Play to your strengths and be realistic about what you can and can't do.

For example I cannot work in a fast paced public facing role. It's my idea of hell. However I can be sat in a room all alone and get on with a ton of tasks and not feel exhausted by it. Somewhere in the middle where I interact with a small group of colleagues but have my work alone time as well is ideal for me.

Also your work shouldn't define your worth as a person. Society makes out that it does but at the end of the day you only have one life and you should make the best of it, with what works for you. No one says "Oh Dave was a real good office worker and never had a day off in his life" at a funeral. Nah they remember a person for their character and good memories.

In short, make good memories for yourself.

ColinVsCuthbert · 09/10/2025 20:43

Are you working at all just now? If not, I'd tell you to get to a local bar/restaurant and job seek in that industry until you can look at a profession that interests you. I got passed over for every internship at uni, but worked at a bar. My friends from there are still my friends 20 years later, and the soft skills I learned from having to talk to people helped me more in job interviews than any other uni related prep. Agree that TEFL could be a good option. Be very careful with marketing. A huge piece of that industry is AI susceptible. I say that as someone who recently used it for something marketing related that I would have paid a firm for a year ago, and thought "well this is going to decimate their industry". Have you also thought about further education, maybe a PHD with a focus on languages?

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 20:51

Lunalara · 09/10/2025 20:04

Realistically it is what I should have done last year, but I worry that the longer it takes to get into the private sector, the harder it’s going to be.

Show quote history

I can see you are feeling panicked but I wonder if you're letting your panic get in the way of seizing the best opportunities for YOU. The problem with academic success is that it leads you to see success in narrow confines. Let me tell you, success is finding contentment in who you are, however that looks. I also had considerable academic success (in languages no less) but I became a careworker within 6 months of starting my graduate scheme. I realised I had bought into a lie, it wasn't right for me. I now run a care business with DH and employ over 200 people and would be considered successful in business. Step off the path, have faith in your ability to create the right future for you and dont measure your value by whats "successful" it's so shortsighted and will leave you dissatisfied and demoralised.

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 21:09

ColinVsCuthbert · 09/10/2025 20:43

Are you working at all just now? If not, I'd tell you to get to a local bar/restaurant and job seek in that industry until you can look at a profession that interests you. I got passed over for every internship at uni, but worked at a bar. My friends from there are still my friends 20 years later, and the soft skills I learned from having to talk to people helped me more in job interviews than any other uni related prep. Agree that TEFL could be a good option. Be very careful with marketing. A huge piece of that industry is AI susceptible. I say that as someone who recently used it for something marketing related that I would have paid a firm for a year ago, and thought "well this is going to decimate their industry". Have you also thought about further education, maybe a PHD with a focus on languages?

Yes I am working as a TA. It’s good for a temporary job, but I don’t want this to be my entire life. A PHD in languages is an idea, but it’s not going to open many doors. Yeah, the ai aspect is a concern, but surely it’s going to break down a lot of grad jobs out there?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunalara · 09/10/2025 21:10

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 20:51

I can see you are feeling panicked but I wonder if you're letting your panic get in the way of seizing the best opportunities for YOU. The problem with academic success is that it leads you to see success in narrow confines. Let me tell you, success is finding contentment in who you are, however that looks. I also had considerable academic success (in languages no less) but I became a careworker within 6 months of starting my graduate scheme. I realised I had bought into a lie, it wasn't right for me. I now run a care business with DH and employ over 200 people and would be considered successful in business. Step off the path, have faith in your ability to create the right future for you and dont measure your value by whats "successful" it's so shortsighted and will leave you dissatisfied and demoralised.

Show quote history

I guess that’s all there is for me, redefining my life to see that there is more than earning money. But despite my low self esteem, it isn’t me to accept a “low quality” life. I would be too hard on myself for not trying harder when I know I have the fight in me.

OP posts:
Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 21:25

You don't sound like someone who has feelings of inadequacy as you state your achievements, recognise your potential, and are unwilling to settle for less. Which is brilliant. I wonder if you have more a fear of failure? In any case, reframing what success looks like is the next step and understanding you are still at the beginning of your career path would tale the pressure off. A certain amount of pressure is good, too much will result in burn out.

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 09/10/2025 21:27

Oh. And you could always train AI with your skill set. You can work anywhere if you did thay.

If you can't beat them, join them.

Original poster
Lunalara · 10/10/2025 23:30

I am terrified that my boyfriend will leave me. He is very angry with me that I didn’t get consistent counselling, even though I did try. I am not good enough for anyone. I have tried signing up to this therapy but I assume it is too late for him to approve. It’s over. My life is over.

OP posts:
lobeydosser · 11/10/2025 00:43

@Lunalara Try not to be so hard on yourself. I guess it's the end of a long week if you're a TA. Can you talk to someone in real life about how you feel? If you need to talk to someone tonight then ring the Samaritans now. They'll hear you out. Even if your boyfriend doesn't. Try not to let him make you feel bad about yourself. Much easier said than done I know.
I would definitely look into TEFL. I didn't do it but I did work overseas in another field in my 20s and I've never regretted the time I spent away from the UK. I didn't enjoy every minute of it but I revelled in getting away from an awful jobs market here and experiencing life elsewhere. It taught me about people and also resilience.

It's not long till half term. You can make it :)

Sleepeazie · 11/10/2025 01:05

@Lunalara so much to unpack here.

you ARE more than your job title!

you love travelling and have no kids… I’d be looking into travelling abroad (budget friendly, and maybe helping as an English teacher / t.a).

im 45.
I have 2 degrees (one’s a PGCE).
Yet, I am a self employed cleaner.
j just don’t value a title, with a loss of time (and autonomy) and no more income!

You might be suprised to know that, that’s not really that important.

The freedom to travel is priceless 💯. That is a life most people would envy.

Chase happiness and not other peoples’ expectations, and you’ll truly live - and not just exist.

EBearhug · 11/10/2025 01:38

I did a CELTA course a couple of years ago, and others on it have been working in Japan and Italy and with UK-based language schools. I have ended up back in IT, because I needed an income, but I started a promotion this week.

Your life is not over. I'm in my 50s, and I didn't imagine things would be changing for the better so much at work. Things will xhwnge for you, too.