Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Scared I’m having a breakdown

46 replies

LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:17

I’ve done a stressful job for years (litigation). I finally have a plan to get out at Xmas. I am nearly 42 with DH and two DCs 9&11

Something happened 1.5 weeks ago at work, not a mistake but something I was worried might get me in trouble. I started panicking and it has spiralled. My job involves disputes and very difficult damaged people. I’ve felt constantly under attack for the last few months on this one particular case so it’s no surprise this sent me over the edge. My job can involve media too.

I’ve had anxiety panic episodes before (almost always work related) but after a couple of days of hell I usually come right. I’ve done counselling and EDMR before. This time I’ve not come right. I’ve got a dry mouth, right chest, tears, sweaty, just fear constantly. I can’t think straight. I walked the dog with no collar etc.

I went to GP yday and she gave me lorazepam and sertaline. I’ve taken two days off starting today. She said more But I’m a contractor and we’re in process of getting a new house/mortgage so I have to keep going. But I - can’t. I’ve never ever taken MH time off before

I'm scared. Scared of the horrendous things happening to me that my mind conjures up. I can’t see myself coming out this. I guess I’m looking for experiences of the same that can give me some hope.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:24

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
SlieveMiskish · 08/10/2025 20:24

Until those meds start to work , (Lexapro for me took 2 weeks to work) you are going to feel anxious. So when you feel the symptoms just remind yourself it’s just the symptoms of anxiety I’m feeling. It’s unpleasant, but it won’t kill me. You can try the balance meditation app or the calm app.. And I loved Daydreams on cbbc… at night.. I used to watch it on repeat. This will pass and if you don’t feel better after a week, 10 days, call GP. I was like that when I couldn’t face my medical career anymore, made a change , and found the new one worse! I’d ring in sick if I was you, sure you can’t do law if you’re jittery from anxiety. It’s ok, you will get better, but you deserve sick leave, walks in nature, friends, until you feel better..

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:26

SlieveMiskish · 08/10/2025 20:24

Until those meds start to work , (Lexapro for me took 2 weeks to work) you are going to feel anxious. So when you feel the symptoms just remind yourself it’s just the symptoms of anxiety I’m feeling. It’s unpleasant, but it won’t kill me. You can try the balance meditation app or the calm app.. And I loved Daydreams on cbbc… at night.. I used to watch it on repeat. This will pass and if you don’t feel better after a week, 10 days, call GP. I was like that when I couldn’t face my medical career anymore, made a change , and found the new one worse! I’d ring in sick if I was you, sure you can’t do law if you’re jittery from anxiety. It’s ok, you will get better, but you deserve sick leave, walks in nature, friends, until you feel better..

Two weeks! I don’t know if can cope

OP posts:
smallglassbottle · 08/10/2025 20:28

Ask the GP for some beta blockers (propranolol). They stop the sweating and shaky feeling and that helps calm the brain down. You don't need a high dose.

Mumdiva99 · 08/10/2025 20:31

You need to be kind to yourself. Find a way to take time off. Your partner loves you - they will want you OK more than a new property.
Take the time to recover and heal. Don't rush back until you are strong enough. It doesn't matter that your time off is MH and not physical health.
Do you have a mentor/supervision? If not maybe it's time to invest in some so that you have a sounding board/someone to off load on. Just because you are self employed doesn't mean you have to be isolated. (You might not be - so apologies if I have misunderstood.)

ApplesCrumbleButtons · 08/10/2025 20:35

It's quite hard to work out, and I'm sure you don't want to be outing, whether you are looking at what's happened objectively.

I would suggest that you park the worries, rest tonight, and rest tomorrow.

See how you are in the morning tomorrow and consider speaking to the GP if you are still not well to work - they can discuss with you the way forward. Options are go back to work and see how the meds work, and review again with GP in 2-3 weeks. And second option is discuss with GP if you actually need to be signed off. You can self cert for up to 7 days.

Basically lean on your GP and give yourself a plan with follow ups - it's not here are some meds, you will be fine. Its here are some meds, let's see how they go and review at a planned point.

I have been there so I know the fear and have also been having a blip too (think this time of year with nights drawing in does not help!)

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:36

Mumdiva99 · 08/10/2025 20:31

You need to be kind to yourself. Find a way to take time off. Your partner loves you - they will want you OK more than a new property.
Take the time to recover and heal. Don't rush back until you are strong enough. It doesn't matter that your time off is MH and not physical health.
Do you have a mentor/supervision? If not maybe it's time to invest in some so that you have a sounding board/someone to off load on. Just because you are self employed doesn't mean you have to be isolated. (You might not be - so apologies if I have misunderstood.)

Edited

Thank you. I think this a huge part of the problem. I wfh and as a contractor I feel very isolated. I went to someone more senior than me for help and it’s that chat that’s now got me spiralling. I think this has just built up over years of worry. I need to take time off I know I do. It’s just not in my dna. Even sitting at my desk is sending me into panic

OP posts:
TheOliveFinch · 08/10/2025 20:36

I’ve had that medication combo before and found the lorazepam really helpful dealing with start up side effects of the sertraline. I had a breakdown 2 years ago which was triggered by my job I would say please take some time out I know the pressure you can feel to try and keep going but it will take you longer to recover

SlieveMiskish · 08/10/2025 20:37

I agree about the beta blockers.. people who’ve never had this don’t get the feeling.. but I remember it very well, not sleeping, racing mind, can’t relax.. no concentration.. . you will improve, give yourself time. My GP. Rang me weekly to keep an eye on me.. suicide prevention I assume .. but I wouldn’t leave my kids.. obviously I have to tell you phone Samaritans if you feel suicidal.. but I think you will improve and give yourself time..

SunnySideDeepDown · 08/10/2025 20:40

This sounds really difficult. I think you’re amazing for being able to do that job, I know it pays well but no money is worth the stress and annoyance of working in that environment, in my eyes.

I would take a week off at least - the alternative is you blow and need a lot longer off.

Dont do anything rash like quit. No big decisions in moments of high stress. But try not to worry about the mortgage yet, what will be will be.

You deserve to be happy. Your family needs you to be healthy and well. Take care of yourself and allow yourself time to recoup. All the best.

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:41

SunnySideDeepDown · 08/10/2025 20:40

This sounds really difficult. I think you’re amazing for being able to do that job, I know it pays well but no money is worth the stress and annoyance of working in that environment, in my eyes.

I would take a week off at least - the alternative is you blow and need a lot longer off.

Dont do anything rash like quit. No big decisions in moments of high stress. But try not to worry about the mortgage yet, what will be will be.

You deserve to be happy. Your family needs you to be healthy and well. Take care of yourself and allow yourself time to recoup. All the best.

Thank you

OP posts:
RealCyanCrab · 08/10/2025 20:47

I am sorry you are going through this awful time. The fear is horrendous. I work in Human Rights and 5 years ago, I had a very similar experience with a traumatic case which resulted in being voluntary sectioned. At the time, it was the worst experience of my life but it was my mind and body telling me enough was enough. My advice would be to start looking after yourself now and take some time off work. Like the previous poster said your family need you happy and healthy, but also you deserve this too. You cant carry on putting yourself on the back burner. You will feel better and get back to yourself, I promise you that. This will pass. Sending you strength and a hug.

Supperlite · 08/10/2025 20:50

Lawyer here. I know it’s a difficult business and you want to be diligent and not “let anyone down” but you simply must take the time off. I repeat:

TAKE TIME OFF.

I know it’s hard but your beloved children need you to be well. There is no mortgage nor litigation case that is more important than being well for your kids. You are loved, just as you are (not for your job or your mortgage!).

You CAN get through this and you WILL get through this. You’ve got the grit to get through and get well!! You can do it!

TheSlantedOwl · 08/10/2025 20:52

Take a little more time off if you can and I second the poster who says request some beta blockers such as propranolol. They can really help. Do as many grounding calming things you can. This too shall pass OP.

Nowimhereandimlost · 08/10/2025 20:54

Your body is telling you what it needs - I think you need to give yourself a break from work. Things will be ok.

PIPERHELLO · 08/10/2025 20:57

OP. Massive hug.
Your whole life sounds soo stressful right now.
You’ve taken the right steps to get things on a better track - well done.
Hang on in there. One step at a time.
This too shall pass.
Breathe. We’re all rooting for you.
keep posting xx

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 21:24

Thank you all so much. I will see about taking next week off. It’s means losing income but I need to be alive

OP posts:
PIPERHELLO · 08/10/2025 21:35

I’m also self employed so I do get the fear of losing income. But really, there are times when you really must prioritise your health. This sounds like one.

TabbieMctatty · 08/10/2025 21:38

Huge hugs from another lawyer. I've been in a similar position and it is horrible. I ended up having to take time out and just have a complete break from work for a chunk of time. That and meds helped hugely. You'll get through this but please prioritise yourself.

JetSkiRentals · 08/10/2025 21:43

You really should be taking some time off. Meds can take 2-3 weeks to kick I. And it can take longer than that to undo the damage of a build up of anxiety.

ScrollingLeaves · 08/10/2025 22:01

LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 20:17

I’ve done a stressful job for years (litigation). I finally have a plan to get out at Xmas. I am nearly 42 with DH and two DCs 9&11

Something happened 1.5 weeks ago at work, not a mistake but something I was worried might get me in trouble. I started panicking and it has spiralled. My job involves disputes and very difficult damaged people. I’ve felt constantly under attack for the last few months on this one particular case so it’s no surprise this sent me over the edge. My job can involve media too.

I’ve had anxiety panic episodes before (almost always work related) but after a couple of days of hell I usually come right. I’ve done counselling and EDMR before. This time I’ve not come right. I’ve got a dry mouth, right chest, tears, sweaty, just fear constantly. I can’t think straight. I walked the dog with no collar etc.

I went to GP yday and she gave me lorazepam and sertaline. I’ve taken two days off starting today. She said more But I’m a contractor and we’re in process of getting a new house/mortgage so I have to keep going. But I - can’t. I’ve never ever taken MH time off before

I'm scared. Scared of the horrendous things happening to me that my mind conjures up. I can’t see myself coming out this. I guess I’m looking for experiences of the same that can give me some hope.

I am so sorry. At least stop everything for next week. Sleep, eat and get out for walks, listen to music and read. It sounds as though you’ve burnt out.

After the week see what you think.

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 08/10/2025 23:11

Honestly thank you the replies are helping more than you can know

OP posts:
Jamclag · 08/10/2025 23:47

Agree with what everyone else has said - you have to prioritize your health and take time off.

If it helps, maybe try reframing how you view what's happening to you. Try not to fall into the trap of thinking you have a choice here to soldier on. With this level of mental ill health, where you feel like you're about to fracture, you really don't. This is as serious as a sudden acute physical illness, maybe more so, and you wouldn't feel guilty having a break in those circumstances, in fact people would expect you to take time out to recover. Mental illness should be treated in the same way.

Your family need you to be well more than they need anything else.

Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 09/10/2025 00:18

@Jamclag thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 09/10/2025 06:01

Will I ever feel normal again. I’m scared

OP posts: