Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Partner taking financial advantage

30 replies

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 11:41

My partner moved into my house three years ago. I'm retired but he's younger and still works so his monthly income is nearly double mine. The house is owned by me and he doesn't pay any rent. When he moved in I was stupid enough to open a joint account with him. The account was to cover all household bills, food plus tax and insurance and maintenance on our two cars. It wasn't long before he started taking advantage of the situation. His teenage daughter stays every other weekend and half of the school holidays. I asked him to put extra money into the account when shes there as he buys a lot of luxury items for her all coming out of the joint account. He also started to pay for all his petrol -for work- and for running around after his daughter - all out of the account. After an argument he would pay some extra into the account but things quickly slide back to normal. He doesn't earn a high wage but after paying money into the joint account and paying child maintenance he still has a disposable income of over £1000 a month. He's always pleading poverty but spends his money on drinking, gambling on the horses and over indulging his teenage daughter.
I've now asked him to move out and hes going at the end of the month. I feel really bad about turning him out because he hasn't got anything and in a lot of ways hes been a good partner, but i just feel that he has been using me to subsidise his lifestyle.

OP posts:
PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 08/10/2025 11:43

It sounds like he has done pretty well financially over the last three years. You don’t owe him a home or a relationship.

ButSheSaid · 08/10/2025 11:43

Enjoy life rid of this gambling, boozing parasite, it's going to be blissful.
Don't allow him to manipulate you into hosting him a second longer. If he tries, reduce his deadline by a week.

MyMilchick · 08/10/2025 11:45

Kick him out and enjoy your retirement

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Timeforaglassofwine · 08/10/2025 11:46

You don't need to give him a month, he isn't a tenant, he is an overstaying guest.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2025 11:46

He has been taking advantage and you shouldn’t feel bad kicking him out. You’ve made a wise decision.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2025 11:47

He has been taking advantage and you shouldn’t feel bad kicking him out. You’ve made a wise decision.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/10/2025 11:51

Very glad to hear that you’ve ended it. I was reading through the op thinking ‘why don’t you just end it’ so, phew.

you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. It is HIS behaviour that resulted in you ending it so he only has himself to blame.

Terrribletwos · 08/10/2025 11:55

Also, closeose the account or take what's due to you.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/10/2025 11:58

Sit him down explain hes had a good run but this isnt working and he needs to move out now. The relationship is at an end due to his pisstaking murdering any love you ever had for him*

Move all the accounts into your name and claim single council tax

  • even if you resolve this for now and he says all the "I'm sorry"s he is selfish and it'll creep back to this within a few months
TomatoSandwiches · 08/10/2025 11:59

He isn't your son or husband, you owe him nothing and a month's notice is generous enough but unnecessary imo.

Once he is gone I'm sure you will feel better, make sure you change the locks.

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 08/10/2025 12:41

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

Back to the real world then 😉 enjoy your space and be kind to yourself

arethereanyleftatall · 08/10/2025 12:42

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

Not your problem op. He shouldn’t have taken the piss out of your kindness. If you are going to beat yourself up about it, maybe reframe to that you’re doing him a favour with less money to spend on alcohol.

EssaDiTractor96 · 08/10/2025 12:43

Do not feel bad! He brought this on himself behaving the way he did. Well done for refusing to be taken advantage of any longer.

MiddleAgedDread · 08/10/2025 13:16

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

to be fair, that's pretty good value for a 2 bed flat!
Enjoy your financial freedom :)

ApricotCheesecake · 08/10/2025 13:23

Don't feel bad for him OP. He could have avoided this by not taking the piss.

Iliketulips · 08/10/2025 13:28

He took advantage of your good nature, end of. You must feel used to some extent and once that happens, it's hard to see a way forward. Longterm, it's absolutely his problem.

His outgoings won't be any more than present as I guess your property is bigger than his and costs more to run. So he'll have a roof over his head, food, bills paid and if he has £1000pm disposable income now, he'll still have £150pm for clothes, hobbies (we each have £175pm for clothes, presents, hobbies and easily manage - and we like a drink and the horses (he'll just have to cut back if he's spending absolutely loads on the latter).. If he wants/needs more money, he can get a second job.

MoominMai · 08/10/2025 13:28

arethereanyleftatall · 08/10/2025 12:42

Not your problem op. He shouldn’t have taken the piss out of your kindness. If you are going to beat yourself up about it, maybe reframe to that you’re doing him a favour with less money to spend on alcohol.

This. 💯

PS it’s so satisfying to hear of a strong woman just doing the right thing. Enjoy your peace.

Eviebeans · 08/10/2025 13:33

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

Well done for making what was a difficult but very necessary decision to ask him to leave
The reason that he had £1000 disposable income every month was because he wasn’t paying his way at your place. He will have enough to pay for the flat and you’ll be parasite free.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 08/10/2025 14:12

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

Well done you 👸🥂

I imagine he'll have basic outgoings with billsof about 1.5k pm now. And that's before we get onto his daughters food bill... 🫢
That'll be nice for him!

Indicateyourintentions · 08/10/2025 16:32

My daughter has to used all her PIP to pay for the shortfall in housing benefit for herself and small child . £1550 pcm and the second bedroom fits a single bed and nothing else.
Your ex partner will have a long time to reflect how lush he had it with you and how he threw it all away.

Linenpickle · 08/10/2025 16:34

Take all the money out of that account as he owes you….

BlueberryLatte · 08/10/2025 16:35

Good for you op! I was so glad to read you had asked him to leave. He is a grown up with a job and should be paying rent.

GasPanic · 08/10/2025 16:36

I mean aside from being a greedy piss taker he's also an idiot.

It sounds like he had it pretty good, but because he got far too greedy he's pushed you over the edge.

DylanBrownCow · 08/10/2025 16:38

Sabiha2000 · 08/10/2025 12:39

Yes, he's going at the end of month. Has to pay £850 a month for a 2 bed flat 😲

That’s not your problem. You offered solutions, He didn’t like them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread