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Original poster

DD(10) just doesn’t wake up in the morning!! What can we do?!

65 replies

FusionChefGeoff · 07/10/2025 07:07

She finds going to bed really hard and is often up and down until 9.30/10.00. She doesn’t use her iPad after dinner, TV off at 8ish and I read to her then she reads herself. Sometimes she has a melatonin tablet which helps hugely but not always as I’m hopeful she will eventually be able to sleep without them.

She has a LOUD Alexa alarm right next to her head and it’s been going off for 10 minutes and she’s still asleep. Her lights turn on with the alarm too but that makes no difference. We have to go in a physically wake her most mornings.

I’ve got one eye on secondary school next year and how she’s supposed to be getting more independent but this is going to be a major issue if she can’t even be left to get up on time!

Any ideas / reassurances / solidarity to help???

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/10/2025 07:09

If she's been prescribed melatonin, presumably she has a formal diagnosis? Why would you be trying to stop her taking prescribed medicine that she needs?

Original poster
FusionChefGeoff · 07/10/2025 07:15

Ah you got me!

Because it’s not prescribed

OP posts:
Fuelledbylatte · 07/10/2025 07:16

We have to run the shower and gently but firmly get our 12 year old out of bed and then he’ll get in it which gives him 5 minutes to come around. We’ve tried everything. He has ADHD and falling to sleep is a nightmare despite medication.

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Clickandcollects · 07/10/2025 07:17

I still have to wake mine up for school at 17 and 14. I thought that was normal?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/10/2025 07:19

FusionChefGeoff · 07/10/2025 07:15

Ah you got me!

Because it’s not prescribed

Is it legal to give a child a prescription only medicine that hasn't been prescribed for them?

Other than that, she's in deep sleep. What time would she wake up if you left her? Thats her natural sleep cycle and half an hour either side could coincide with her natural waking stages/lighter sleep.

HarryVanderspeigle · 07/10/2025 07:20

There is evidence to show that sleeping children don't respond to alarms in the same way that adults do. It's why there are also spoken word fire alarms. I think you just need to go and wake her up every day. Also, surely you need to let the melatonin work, or not use it at all. It doesn't sound like you are using it correctly.

Mymanyellow · 07/10/2025 07:22

What time would she get up if you left her? Weekends for example. Is she actually asleep by 9.30/10? 10-7 is 9 hours she surely isn’t still tired?

thisishowloween · 07/10/2025 07:25

Isn’t it normal to still be waking children at that age? My dad was still coming up to wake me as a teenager as I regularly slept through alarms or forgot to set them altogether.

I think you’re worrying about something that is really very normal.

TakeMeToAnIgloo · 07/10/2025 07:28

Perhaps she's subconsciously learned to ignore the alarm if you always wake her up? Maybe practice in the holidays, setting it a bit later than needed but still earlier than she might choose to get up, and see if she can learn to wake to it. Or try a spoken one - you can probably set your phone to do that. I use a sunrise alarm where the light comes on gradually before the time, so that the wake-up isnt' such a jolt (called Lumie sunrise light). A sudden wake up is more likely to make me want to go back to sleep to get away from it (lights or sound!).

I occasionally use melatonin after long flights and so on, but only occasionally to reset my system, as I don't want to get reliant on it. But it has been fine to use it like that (for an adult). It's available off the shelf in other countries. I'd ask about using it for a child though.

And I don't know if it's normal to have to wake children who don't respond to an alarm. Some families might still wake children as part of their routine, but a child who simply doesn't wake to an alarm at all will find it harder. I wasn't ever woken past the time when I could set my own alarm, and I really struggled to get up often, but it was something I had to learn. Certainly by secondary school it was totally up to me (very occasional lifts given if I missed the bus!).

Satisfiedwithanapple · 07/10/2025 07:29

The time she goes to sleep sounds perfectly reasonable to me - she isn’t 5. You just need to wake her up. Atm it’s pretty dark in the morning which will be making it worse.

i wouldn’t be giving her pills though

Original poster
FusionChefGeoff · 07/10/2025 07:30

Interesting that kids respond differently to alarms and reassuring to know I’m not alone. Maybe my expectations from my eldest have skewed my view - but then I read threads about independence in kids where loads of posters say “I leave for work at 7am so DS has to get up and get himself to school”

Melatonin is easily available OTC in France and many other countries so I’ve done the reading and decided on balance that more sleep was the key priority.

She was asleep by 10ish (came down at 9.45, was asleep when I went up at 10.15) last night and I’ve had to drag her up.

I will persevere waking her up!

OP posts:
Vitriolinsanity · 07/10/2025 07:31

Is the problem here one if your making OP? It sounds a bit like her self-waking for secondary school would suit you.

Wigtopia · 07/10/2025 07:32

Can you get one of those Lumie clocks that does a sunset/sunrise? I find it difficult getting up when jolted from sleeping to being awake by an alarm making noise, but the sunrise helps gradually wake gently and the sunset also helps get me off to sleep.

RememberDecember · 07/10/2025 07:35

We are still waking our teenagers. On the one hand, I wish they were more independent but on the other I need them out the door in the mornings!

SuspiciousTimes · 07/10/2025 07:36

Clickandcollects · 07/10/2025 07:17

I still have to wake mine up for school at 17 and 14. I thought that was normal?

This⬆️

Hoopball · 07/10/2025 07:37

My son can do it now, but he’s 21. He couldn’t do it at age 10. And even if now he’s older , if he’s home, he will always say if I’m not up and moving by “a time” , wake me up. He doesn’t miss work and he lives away from home I just think it’s nice for him when he’s home but I don’t have to wake him.
I was able to leave at 730 for work and helped him physically get up but he could manage the rest dress, breakfast, bag and leave and get to school on time all the way through secondary. I think it’s ok for teens to need a bit more help, talk to her about it now and as she gets older. She will know that school is important, ask her what help she needs.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 07/10/2025 07:37

This is a bit of a non-issue in my opinion. She’s 10 for goodness sake - a child. I don’t see the problem with having to “physically wake her up”.

I will still knock on my adult kids’ doors if I haven’t heard them up and about by the time they have to get up for work. It costs me nothing and helps them out.

ProfessorInkling · 07/10/2025 07:39

My DD takes melatonin purchased OTC and she says she feels brighter in the mornings after taking it, as well as finding it easier to actually get to sleep. So honestly I’d stick with it.

That said I do have to wake her, more than once, and she is 15 soon… so no magic cure but I can offer solidarity!

Mischance · 07/10/2025 07:41

Just go and wake her in the morning ... with a smile and a hug! It's not a big deal.

Bestfootforward11 · 07/10/2025 07:56

9.30-10 doesn’t sound too bad to me. I absolutely don’t think she should be having melatonin without medical need. If she has trouble getting to sleep other steps would be preferable as it is a skill and harder for some than others. I’d suggest a couple of things. Cut the tech sooner. Limited suger. Doing something physical eg swimming, a family walk early evening if possible. Also to set aside time for a proper chat where your DD can unload everything from the day. This often comes up just before it’s time to go to sleep. It’s not unusual to have to wake someone up in the morning. Some wake easier than others. My DH springs out of bed, happy as a lark. Me? Not so much 😂 mornings have never been my thing.
good luck.

itsallabouttheorange · 07/10/2025 07:59

Can you record an alarm of your voice saying her name? Mine and a friends 10 years olds were the same, they did seem to grow into their 10 oclock bedtime though once they hit 12/13 and now manage the mornings much better (though still need a nudge!).

Octavia64 · 07/10/2025 07:59

Lumie sunrise clock.

it mimics the slow increase in light you get naturally from the dawn which is much more helpful in getting your body to wake up.

i’m going to go against the grain - melatonin works and is helpful. My DS took it regularly as a teen and it helped him.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/10/2025 08:03

Some people are just like that unfortunately @FusionChefGeoff . My parents are both larks, I’m definitely an owl and have slept through more larks that I can recall- unfortunately I’m still doing it now at 45! A routine and having everything ready for as friction free a morning is all I can suggest.

Ddakji · 07/10/2025 08:04

@FusionChefGeoff Mumsnet would have you believe that by the time they start secondary, all kids should be getting themselves upped and out the door with zero input from parents, and probably having the dinner on the table for those parents each night as well.

DD is nearly 16 and I have to haul her out every morning.

Calliopespa · 07/10/2025 08:06

Clickandcollects · 07/10/2025 07:17

I still have to wake mine up for school at 17 and 14. I thought that was normal?

Yes op, I think you are being a bit hopeful with the idea that senior school means she will be getting up independently. Parents all over the country are haranguing teenagers out of bed every morning.

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