Just tried out the best advice I ever saw on mumsnet

[Nellephant10]

A few months ago I saw this advice on an AIBU when a husband asked his wife if he could go on a boys weekend when she was heavily pregnant:

"There is a certain type of man who likes to ask questions like, “can I go to Ibiza when you’re 38 weeks?” And “can I go on a golf holiday for two weeks with my friends and spend money we don’t have?” And “can I get a lap dance?” And what they are doing to giving you a binary choice between being a ‘nagging bitch’ and a ‘gullible cool-wife twat’. I don’t accept those questions. The answer is, “what do you think a decent man would do? Do that”. Or “what on earth do you think you should do?” Or “I’m not giving you permission to do something utterly dickish. Take responsibility for your actions.”

My husband just asked me if he could do something this evening, so I told him about this advice and said "ask yourself what a reasonable intelligent human, would do. Do that". He sat on the sofa for ages looking really perplexed and then asked, very seriously, "is this a test?" It wasn't even anything much he was asking, but I want him to own his decisions, not make me decide about things which he knows are on the unreasonable side, and then if I say no, pin his disappointment on me. It was worth it to see his face, thinking it over and trying to work it out 🤣

Whats the best advice you've ever seen on here?

But he wouldn't have needed to go to the pub? Endless free wine at home.

I'm going to give my own advice that I gave on another thread.

My dh developed a habit of 'do we have any..' instead of looking for it..also 'where do we keep the... '. Of course the kids followed suit. We moved house and there were a lot of discussions about where things go, obviously because we had to organise a whole house and buy some new things. Although this was a joint decision dh tried the 'I don't mind..' answer a few times.

After we moved in the 'where do we keep the.. ' questions increased a lot and I got tired of it. So every time Dh was not busy, I told him that now might be a good time to familiarise himself with the house so he wouldn't need to ask me. I did this every time he was relaxing for a few weeks, every time. He never asked again!!

We have modified this to What Would Joan Collins Do

Love this :-)

My boss does this, I can always tell when he thinks what someone has suggested is a bad idea - when he says 'up to you' or 'do whatever you think is best'....

He probably would have enjoyed the community.

That said, as someone who is really feeling the COL pinch I wish I could turn water into wine. (I'm Jewish though, like Jesus, although people seem to forget that bit, and I wish to heck we shared a turning water into wine gene).

I saw this ALL THE TIME (got it from an ex work colleague) and it's very useful.

See also" "Leave it with me", meaning "Leave me alone and I will decide as and when I want to deal with this".

I also very often just say "Mmm, maybe" whilst gazing into the middle distance - very non-committal but often calms down any pot still for confrontation.

Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a wine bibber, so he might have decided in favour of the pub, and the sugar if it had been available at the time.

same! I do this ever since reading that post and it is a game changer.

It's fair to make him own his decisions. However, it does sound a bit like he's leaned to ask you these things because he knows you are quite forbidding. There are 'rules' that have been 'agreed' to police his drinking and his eating.

The real test is what you would say if he simply decided he was going to the pub without asking. Would you be cool with that because he 'owned his decision'? Or would you be annoyed?

yeah, but if you’re a god who knows you won’t need your body beyond 33 anyway you don’t need to look after it. He’s really not a good role model for mortals.

great thread

He brought Lazarus back from the dead so he probably could handle a disability too.

"Still an annoying twat in other ways so I left him". 💪🏻🤣

Using a plunger to unblock a bathtub that wouldn’t drain. Seems obvious now but my husband had not long left, I was alone with a young child and the bath not draining almost tipped me over the edge. I googled how to unblock it and that brought me to Mumsnet. Bath unblocked successfully!

There’s another thread on here talking about why women live longer than men and one theory is that older women have a lot of wisdom to communicate. This thread seems to prove the point 🥰

When someone says something inappropriate, unhelpful, or rude…

”Did that just slip out?”

I think I got that from MN. Works in so many situations.