Seeing dd's oldest friend I never liked

[Whataretalkingabout]

I am in need of advice of how to handle an upcoming visit with my DD. Her oldest and best friend who I I haven't seen in many many years will be there. We will be together for a long weekend at DD's house abroad . Beatrice is godmother to my only GD.

My problem is I never liked her and she probably never liked me either!
My perception was she was spoiled and rude as a child. I am sure she is a good person nonetheless and I am sorry to dislike her but that is my honest feeling. How can I graciously survive this weekend? I know my feelings are not important here but I am a poor liar and do not want to hurt anyone.
Thanks for any suggestions.

You have two options - rise above it or don’t go. Your reasons for not liking her don’t sound especially strong - give the woman a chance. She isn’t a child anymore and she means a lot to your daughter.
Id you can’t do that then don’t go. It doesn’t sound like she’s been nasty or anything, unless there’s a drip feed coming.

Suck it up buttercup! Meant in the nicest way 🤩
It's just a weekend, and is important to your DD by the sounds of it.

If you haven't seen her in many years then maybe she is much nicer now!

Just be very polite. It’s not about you.

She has probably grown up significantly since you last saw her. If not you need to be civil for your daughters sake.

Wow, you really hold a grudge! She isn't a child anymore, you need to reframe it as, "I really disliked her when she was a child" and start from scratch. If you can't do that then I'm afraid the problem is most definitely you.

It's a long weekend. 🙄 Train yourself to be an adult

How old was she when you last saw her?

Regardless, judging any adult on how they came across as a child is a bit extreme!

Think how happy it would make your daughter to see her two favorite women getting on!

And if she's still a sausage, just pretend for a couple of days 🤷🏻‍♂️

I am pleasant every day to people I can't stand, most people with jobs have to perfect this skill. You can smile and nod for one weekend.

Get over yourself or don't join.

She's not a child anymore. If you feel so strongly about how someone was as a child then maybe don't go and cause an atmosphere.

She may have changed. Kill her with kindness and suck it up!

Be nice . She is obviously important to your daughter.
And as she already lives abroad then if I was you I wouldn't want to cause tension. Otherwise you may not be invited back much.

You don't have to like her any more than she has to like you. However you do need to behave like an adult and live with it. If you can't do that, don't go.

Behave like an adult and suck it up unless you want your dd to stop inviting you?

Poor Beatrice. Does she know you're going to be there? Perhaps she'd rather avoid you.

She was a child and now she is an adult. So get over your previous opinions and try to see who she has become. Also remember that who she was as a child was molded by her parents… not her.

Thank you to everyone who wrote helpful advice. The last time I saw her was 10 years ago at her sister's wedding and she was 25.

Of course I will be kind to her! I do not have any reason to dislike her now . I am only embarrassed and ashamed of these past feelings and the memory of them. I already said that the weekend is not about me. My question was how to deal with my feelings.

I only wish the best for her and my dd's friendship.

Your dd is a grown woman so she obviously sees something in her friend. You haven’t given any real reasons or examples why you don’t like her? My dd has friends, some I like more than others for a variety of reasons but unless they do something nasty to dd I would never say.

You want it to work so it will. I’m a grudge bearer who finds it hard to disguise my feelings about people too - I get it. But it is possible if you decide to do it. I went to a funeral recently of an old family friend, whose dc I could never stand - similar reasons to yours. I was dreading seeing them, but actually it was fine. I stuck a smile on it, was friendly and polite, and that was returned. Go into it with the right mindset and it will be fine.

It might help to get really interested in her. What does she enjoy doing, who are her favourite people, has her career worked out as she hoped? Not by questioning her necessarily but wanting to know who she is now.

@indoorplantqueen ,
I didn't want to give examples because it is all in the past and basically not worth remembering. I did a lot of caring for her as a child and remember her as spoilt and ungrateful. We all moved away from each other and I have only seen her once since she was 18, now 35.
Of course I have heard a lot about her in the past 20 years, but only have past memories . Thus my slight anxiety . I guess I live too much in my own head. Sorry if this is considered a drip feed .

YABU to have put what is presumably her real name in the OP. And you say it’s not worth remembering, yet you clearly have remembered and have held on to what sounds like an awful lot of resentment for someone who was a child for the vast amount of time you knew them. If you were doing a lot of caring for her, where were her parents? How much gratitude should she have shown you?

I think you need to grow up and be a bit more forgiving to a child. If this is all based on her behaviour pre-18 there's every possibility she has changed a lot. Kids who behave like ratbags often have things you don't realise going on at home, or poor role models or parents who encouraged or did not correct unpleasant behaviour. Give the woman a chance!

@Mewling , not her real name . I don't dwell on past details. I do remember past feelings. I will be seeing her soon so the memory of old feelings has come up. Has this never happened to anyone else?

It really is no big deal. I am sorry I bothered posting.