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Original poster

AIBU? Racist partner

40 replies

omgno222 · 04/10/2025 09:34

I’m gonna make this short as I can. .

I have a 7 year old boy from a previous relationship. My boy is mixed race (I am white his daddy is full Jamaican)

my partner who I’ve been with a while now and we have a son together who is 1 has slowly turned into a complete monster. Being very cruel to me. Name calling. Put downs. Threats. Honestly I don’t know who he is. I called the relationship off and was glad he still had his own house to go back to.

anyway… he has shown a lot of jealousy over my 7 year old lately and I find it very alarming another reason I’ve left him. My 7 year old does ALOT of football which me and his dad commit to and has recently been noticed at such a young age and be refered to an academy which were so so proud about.
my now ex partner said “he’ll never make it as a footballer sorry to piss on your Parade” honestly absolutely vile. My son would be heartbroken if he knew what he said.

anyway the big blow is… yesterday he refered to him as “the black one” honestly I hate him and all my love has just gone. My poor boy. Luckily my boy doesn’t know.

he’s told me if I don’t let him in his sons life me and the baby will be dead to him. Honestly he’s gone above and beyond.

I don’t want him to see the baby now or be in my house. Am I right?
this is just a small snippet of the abuse.

OP posts:
Danioyellow · 04/10/2025 09:36

I’d gladly take him up on his offer, what a vile prick. Please don’t let him around your son ever again!

Wowzel · 04/10/2025 09:37

Time to ditch the arsehole!

Ciderapplevinegar · 04/10/2025 09:39

That sounds like an ideal outcome. Byeeeee!!

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

Filofaxforlife · 04/10/2025 09:40

He is awful. Abusive, racist, possibly dangerous from the threats. Stay away from him and if you think he means the threats or he has shown any aggression before then also report him to the police. Congratulations to your son on his football. Absolutely amazing and if he does well then wonderful and if ultimately he doesn’t play professionally as a lot can change over the years he will still have got a huge amount out of it - value of hard work, discipline, team work, fitness, friendships etc etc

Zempy · 04/10/2025 09:41

Why is he in your house?

Sadly, being a vile racist is probably not sufficient to legally prevent him from seeing his DC that you share, but you can minimise your contact.

Can you drop DC at his, just drop and run, or get a third party to do the contact?

Edit to say if you think he’s genuine about backing off from seeing his child then that’s probably a win!

BlueberryLatte · 04/10/2025 09:42

Being out of his life sounds ideal for you and your baby. What a disgusting individual

Absentosaur · 04/10/2025 09:43

‘he’s told me if I don’t let him in his sons life me and the baby will be dead to him.’

Result. Let him. Will save you and your DCs years of pain.

Snorlaxo · 04/10/2025 09:43

Take him up on his offer to treat you and the baby as dead to him. Your baby doesn’t need to hear the vile racism from this horrible man. He will end up fucking your younger child with this attitude.

Motnight · 04/10/2025 09:44

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

Ah yes, a man's behaviour is always the fault of a woman.

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 09:45

He doesn’t need to be in your house or have on going deep communication with you to see his child.

He could be an absolute shit partner and also a racist but I’m afraid that doesn’t mean you get to cut him out of your child’s life. Your child deserves a relationship with his father and for him to make his own mind up on his dad as a person as he grows and gets older.

I would suggest some mediation sessions and looking at getting set custody days sorted and perhaps using an app like family wizard to communicate through.

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 09:46

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

don't take this misogynist batshit advice. It is beyond vile to blame women for men's actions.

Just keep him away from you and your son.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:47

Motnight · 04/10/2025 09:44

Ah yes, a man's behaviour is always the fault of a woman.

Show quote history

It isnt about fault. It is about stopping him and ensuring that his mother is known as the creator of a horrific racist will get him to consider whether he should endanger her safety or back off.

If the mum is decent, she will be so horrified by her son that she will put the utmost pressure on him to stop what he is doing.

Racism is bred in the home though.

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 09:48

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:47

It isnt about fault. It is about stopping him and ensuring that his mother is known as the creator of a horrific racist will get him to consider whether he should endanger her safety or back off.

If the mum is decent, she will be so horrified by her son that she will put the utmost pressure on him to stop what he is doing.

Racism is bred in the home though.

Show quote history

Why didn’t you suggest calling his father then?

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:49

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 09:46

don't take this misogynist batshit advice. It is beyond vile to blame women for men's actions.

Just keep him away from you and your son.

Show quote history

The mother (this person is likely fatherless) raised a racist son. You don't become racist if you are raised in an anti-racist home. He learned this from his caregivers. He is a product of her environment.

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 09:50

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:49

The mother (this person is likely fatherless) raised a racist son. You don't become racist if you are raised in an anti-racist home. He learned this from his caregivers. He is a product of her environment.

Show quote history

Sounds like you yourself may be using a bit of racial stereotyping there by suggesting this man is more than likely fatherless because he’s Jamaican because what other detail in the OP is given about this man?

AdoraBell · 04/10/2025 09:50

What LoftyRobin said.

Simonjt · 04/10/2025 09:50

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

I can’t see anywhere in the OP that the awful partner doesn’t have a dad.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:50

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 09:48

Why didn’t you suggest calling his father then?

Show quote history

Because it is very likely that he doesnt know his dad and also the reason for doing this is so he feels at physical risk for being a racist. He will be more inclined to fear for the physical safety of his mother than his father and she is more likely to cut him off to save herself. So it is a way of totally isolating him from any support he currently has.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:51

Simonjt · 04/10/2025 09:50

I can’t see anywhere in the OP that the awful partner doesn’t have a dad.

Show quote history

Very likely comes from a single parent home. Most violent abusers do for several reasons.

Livelaughlurgy · 04/10/2025 09:52

Well if the logic is, he's a racist because she raised him as one, she's unlikely to give a shit if he makes racist remarks. Save herself from what?

Fatsnowflake · 04/10/2025 09:52

I wouldn’t voluntarily offer contact. I would stop contact and let him go to court.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:54

Livelaughlurgy · 04/10/2025 09:52

Well if the logic is, he's a racist because she raised him as one, she's unlikely to give a shit if he makes racist remarks. Save herself from what?

Haven't you seen what happens to people accused of racism? The vigilantes etc? This happened to some people in my area and they had to be moved out that night.

And even if that doesnt happen, there will be people around them that no longer want to be associated with them because they disgree with racism or don't want to be associated with a racist. You break down their support network and leave them isolated and vulnerable. They cant go to the police as you have evidence they've committed crimes or at the very least, abusive, anti-social behaviour.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 09:55

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

I would do exactly this

Well done to your oldest, that sounds amazing. I can barely kick a ball without falling over!

This man is a threat to your children. Both of them. I think you need to do everything within your power to keep him away from them.

As an aside, I heard somewhere that for a not insignificant amount of white men, they see a woman who has been with a black man as being 'spolied'

Looking back now, I imagine you can recall a lot of red flags in his treatment of you.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 04/10/2025 10:01

You can’t deny your baby son a relationship with his father but you absolutely MUST protect your elder son from his racism. And there is no reason why your ex needs to be in your house. You need to formalise your custody arrangements and contact with his child can take place outside your home. The whole point of him being your EX is that you don’t need to spend time with him or listen to his crap anymore.

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