Can someone remind me it’s not worth it? Addiction related, sensitive post

[CheekOfItHells]

I really, really don’t want to upset anyone. Since I am not an addict but there are people on here who have fought through hell to get out of addiction, or love/lost someone to the stuff.

I am nearing 30 now. Never drunk before in my life, beyond a random Smirnoff ice once in a blue moon. Never touched a cig or vape. Never done drugs.

I have been divorced for 2 years and 6 weeks ago, went out for the first time with some friends. I have been hooked ever since

Going out and dressing up all lovely. Attracting attention from men. Never interested me since I got married but feels amazing now.

The alcohol makes me so, so happy I could cry. I haven’t had a hangover yet beyond a bit of a sleepiness the next day though

Tried coke for the first time 4 weeks ago with a friend who does it. And I absolutely love it.

I am going out every other week at this point. Having what feels like so much fun.

Someone please remind me this is dangerous territory and to bloody stop? Right now? Honestly, I’ve never drunk or done drugs. But I was never as happy and excited as I am now. So my mind is telling me, maybe I did miss out?

Girls holiday coming up in Jan for some winter sun and I am so excited. I feel like a teenager again

For context, I got married at 20. Always a very ‘good girl’ before that. Working and enjoying innocent hobbies. Met exH at 18. Had my DC at 21.

Broke up with exH due to managing grief of a child of ours differently. It was hard. I don’t dislike the man. We co parent fine. But I am the main carer and it’ll always be like that l. DC is severely disabled and will need life long care

Life just feels so much better now I’m using and having fun going out.

Please someone give me a virtual slap. I lost an uncle to gear - Suicide after he had just had enough relapses of getting on it all his life. It destroyed every relationship he had

My brain is telling me to be cautious but my heart is saying my relationships with friends have never been better. Never had so many chats and good times in my life. Family have said I seem happier recently too

Your so called friends are your enemies.

You have a family history - bad
You feel amazing doing it - bad
Life feels better doing it - bad

Addiction happens when there is a hole inside you, and you find a drug that fits it. You need to find other things that fit it. What’s the hole? Loneliness, a feeling of having missed out, social confidence? There’s some need alcohol and drugs are meeting.

Having worked in a rehab, better to do that work on yourself now, than wait 10 years and have to do it because you’ve totally fucked up your life.

Will also add to this - My family are very anti drugs and my mum would be heartbroken to find out I’m using because of who we’ve lost to addiction

I think you're mixing up the fun and good times you're having being out as a single woman, with the drink and drugs.

Try going out without the drugs, at least. You'll have just as good a time, I bet.

Without the coke paranoia the next day! Which will start to hit you soon, the more you do it.

I really do understand. Just know that right now it’s fun and making you feel great and this is because you’ve spread your wings socially after having so much responsibility very young and you’ve never had these wild experiences before. Enjoy the moment but please know it will turn ugly sooner than you know. Booze and coke might make you feel electric initially but after the novelty has worn off you will feel awful, really awful. Please don’t ever buy it yourself. It’s addictive and will ruin you. Please dm me anytime if you want to talk in private.

Thank you. I feel like such an idiot, posting like I have a real issue when people actually have proper issues with this that has almost killed them. 6 weeks ago, I’d never even drink a little glass of wine. I wouldn’t have dreamt I’d have taken drugs. If you said to me on my wedding day or the day my DC was born, ‘you’re going to do drugs and drink on nights out’, I’d have been absolutely shocked and devastated

I just can’t get passed how good I feel when I’m doing it. Like I say, I was 100% sober and drug free for my entire adult life up until now and I never felt this much of a buzz. So when people say on some Instagram accounts I’ve seen, imagine waking up and not having done xx. I just think ‘well I did for years and I was never this happy!’

I don’t remember the last time I was as excited as this. That’s why it’s so hard to just see it for what it is and walk away from it

Unless you want to turn into a drug addict whose nose whistles everytime you breathe, heavily in debt, fucking stop now. You are playing with fire. Dont be an idiot. Your not happy, its the drugs messing with your chemical in your brain. It will not last long before your heavily depressed until you get your next hit.
Take it from someone whose been there & done that. Do not fuck up your life.

^ this. If they were real friends they wouldnt be getting you hooked on drugs. They do not care about you. Also you cannot care for a disabled dc coming off coke binges. People will notice, and social services do pick up on these things. Is drugs worth loosing your children over? You have to be a pretty selfish person to continue doing drugs after these comments.

You said you have DC - imagine if they were going down this slippery slope age 18/19. Why would you want them to stop, what would you want to say to them, how desperate would you be that they hear you?

They pretend it is them asking you to stop for those reasons, now.

Stop the drugs. If your friends have an issue with that then they’re not friends. Better to make this post now after 6 weeks rather than in 6 months or 6 years.

Also continue with the drugs and youll be one of those addicts posting how to get off drugs on the addiction boards in a year or two to come. Its all fun & games for a while till you run out of the means to pay for it. Your friends wont continue to give you free drugs forever, that shit is expensive. Ive never been so disappointed to read a post in my life, “its so fun” ruining your life? Like honesty? You know cocaine goes into lungs right? Your killing yourself when your disabled dc needs you around for long as you possibly can be. Sorry for the rant but as a ex-addict i can tell your already addicted and its sad.

I agree - these people are not your friends. They just want someone around who validates them. They want to take drugs so they only want to be with someone who takes drugs.

Your post really troubles me. You sound like you're on such a high at the thought of partying. Is it because you can forget about your family life when you're out? I think you should spend your money on some counselling. Hate to say it, but I'd cancel that holiday, too. Your friends might be able to take drugs and drink a lot and survive, but I have serious doubts that you can do this.

‘Honestly, I’ve never drunk or done drugs’.

Not true. It was true until a few weeks ago. Now, you’re no better than any other drinker/ drug user.

Just stop now, while you still can.

The friends I’m going with (2 girls) don’t take drugs to be fair, but they do drink. I 100% wouldn’t dream of smuggling coke abroad. I also wouldn’t even know how to buy it in the UK, although that’s easier of course

I am surprised to know who does it too. There’s been a few people who I never in my wildest dreams would imagine using and they are… all come out since I started doing it for the first time

Is it because you can forget about your family life when you're out?

This sentence and the thought of my DCs faces made me cry.

Coke is not bloody cheap and it destroys you eventually ..
my ex died addicted to coke and alcohol . He spent £180k in 7 months . He was a liar and would scam anyone out of money to get his next can of cider or his next bag of powder. He had been doing it all of his adult life . I didn’t know who he was . He worked 60 hours a week but as time went on he became a shadow of himself .
You might think it’s all fun atm but the coke will change you and your nose could disintegrate along with your personality .

You’ve got kids that rely on you . Look at them one day and imagine them being taken away coz you’re in rehab and can’t stop doing what you’re doing .

Nothing is worth losing your family over .

Can you take up a sport? harder to show up to your sports games with a hangover plus it might give you a purpose and a community to fill the hole.

What’s strange is, my younger self (and the version of me that existed 6 weeks ago), said coke and alcohol was strictly a mugs game. No good comes of it and I hadn’t lost out

Now I’m doing it, my brain goes ‘actually, you did miss out! This is fun’

Hard for me because I haven’t felt any negatives to it yet. But, I am not stupid. I know they’re coming

My love for my children should be stopping this in its tracks. No idea what the fuck has come over me to act so recklessly but I just so desperately want to feel this happy

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You had your family so young and you have had some difficult times. I can imagine you do want to feel like a teenager again at times, without any responsibilities. You know all too well, though, that drinking and drugs hardly lead to a trouble-free life.

There are other ways of doing that, though. If the women you're going on holiday with don't do drugs, then maybe they are safer friends for you to have, but honestly, the others who do really need to be avoided.

Sometimes you have to be a mother to your younger self. What would you want the ideal mum to say to you right now? Could you confide in your mum or would a therapist be better?

@WatchingTheDetective no need to apologise. It is a good thing because it’s a reality

My mum is bloody lovely but I am so worried to hurt her with all of this.

I have experienced so many difficult times and I just want to be free of it all, even for a day

My Mum was an alcoholic, it started when we were little.
I found her dead in March while I was 6 months pregnant. She was 57.
Functioning alcoholics exist. So do brain aneurysms and that’s what got my Mum.
I would do anything to have my Mum back but instead I have to sit here holding my baby sobbing that I’ll never see my Mum again. Sobbing that my daughter will never meet her.
Quite frankly, fucking stop it now.
Get a bloody good grip of yourself before you ruin your life.

This. Absolutely 100%.

You carry on much further down this path you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Before long you’ll be drinking and taking drugs just to feel normal, your mental health will be shot to shit, you’ll be broke, your body will suffer as well.

I’m speaking from bitter experience as an addict for over 20 years. Please. Just stop.

I think you are vulnerable to addiction. Stop the alcohol and drugs and find other escapes: exercise gives you a much healthier high and is really good for you.

No point worrying about hurting your family. Your already hurting them. Your brain is saying its fun because it changes your chemical balance.
You obviously dont want to quit so crack on, your nose will disintegrate, you wont be able to afford nice things for your kids or your home, your kids will miss out on experiencing life because your to busy shoving shit up your nose, do you really want that? do your want your children growing up thinking mum loves drugs more than me, or do you want to be a mum they can be proud of because you cant do both.
You need to choose now because your already addicted but at this stage its easier to quit, few months down the line you will be completely hooked and wont be able to.

Drugs make you feel ace initially that's the whole point of taking them.
Overtime your tolerance will increase and thus the cost and don't underestimate the MH impact, paranoia, possible psychosis,self persicution..ex amphetamine user of 21 years.