Can someone remind me it’s not worth it? Addiction related, sensitive post

[CheekOfItHells]

I really, really don’t want to upset anyone. Since I am not an addict but there are people on here who have fought through hell to get out of addiction, or love/lost someone to the stuff.

I am nearing 30 now. Never drunk before in my life, beyond a random Smirnoff ice once in a blue moon. Never touched a cig or vape. Never done drugs.

I have been divorced for 2 years and 6 weeks ago, went out for the first time with some friends. I have been hooked ever since

Going out and dressing up all lovely. Attracting attention from men. Never interested me since I got married but feels amazing now.

The alcohol makes me so, so happy I could cry. I haven’t had a hangover yet beyond a bit of a sleepiness the next day though

Tried coke for the first time 4 weeks ago with a friend who does it. And I absolutely love it.

I am going out every other week at this point. Having what feels like so much fun.

Someone please remind me this is dangerous territory and to bloody stop? Right now? Honestly, I’ve never drunk or done drugs. But I was never as happy and excited as I am now. So my mind is telling me, maybe I did miss out?

Girls holiday coming up in Jan for some winter sun and I am so excited. I feel like a teenager again

For context, I got married at 20. Always a very ‘good girl’ before that. Working and enjoying innocent hobbies. Met exH at 18. Had my DC at 21.

Broke up with exH due to managing grief of a child of ours differently. It was hard. I don’t dislike the man. We co parent fine. But I am the main carer and it’ll always be like that l. DC is severely disabled and will need life long care

Life just feels so much better now I’m using and having fun going out.

Please someone give me a virtual slap. I lost an uncle to gear - Suicide after he had just had enough relapses of getting on it all his life. It destroyed every relationship he had

My brain is telling me to be cautious but my heart is saying my relationships with friends have never been better. Never had so many chats and good times in my life. Family have said I seem happier recently too

Everyone experiences difficulties in life, yet choose not to shove drugs up their nose because they arent stupid. Sorry to be blunt, you did ask up to be.
stop going out with these “friends”, they are not your friends they just want to get you hooked so you buy the drugs & make it cheaper for them.

Most people haven’t watched their child buried in the ground, and ended their marriage because of issues surrounding that grief. Most people’s kid won’t need care for the rest of their life. Most people haven’t had to be discharged from hospital with sepsis from a bite from their DC a week prior because that child has a mental age of a small toddler but is growing into a man. And at 6am, immediately start caring for a disabled child whilst they should ‘rest’ because the other parent hadn’t slept in days. Just naturally fell into the role of get up and get on with it. It was crisis point. I threatened residential care with all of this. Nothing happened. Nobody cares. One of my sisters won’t visit me because of my DC.

I didn’t get to attend my own grandads funeral because the respite carer never showed up - And my ex H was on a lads holiday. I couldn’t bring him. What, to be bitten and screamed at by a non verbal child during one of the most heartbreaking events in my life?

Most people haven’t used carers and paid them, properly paid them, only to find out it would stop there have been allegations of sexual abuse towards other children. But hey, I’ll never know because my beautiful child can’t tell me.

So nah, we don’t all have difficulties - Not to that extent. It’s not fucking comparable

Just isn’t the same. The realities of what I’m doing is really worrying me and I shall be speaking to my friend who is a GP tomorrow… and then look for some counselling.

I know this is wrong. It doesn’t feel like there’s any downside yet.

But I’m glad I started the thread. Made me realise even if I’m scratching my nose on the surface of hell with daily life and fighting for very basic support, I won’t have my child let down. And for once, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Failing as a parent, the one thing I’ve sacrificed so much to be good at.

You would be suprised. A lot of people go through a hell of a lot of trauma, but they deal with it instead of burying their heads in the sand with drugs.
Cocaine doesnt fix it lovely, it makes it WORSE. You will have so many nights on bad come downs while it goes round & round & round in your mind, but it feel 10000x times worse because of the come down. You asked us to be blunt & get you to stop.

I am going to take a break from MN now but thank you to those who have commented. The comment that really stuck with me was ‘the drug feel good because they’re replacing a hole that needs filling’

I appreciate the time people have taken to comment.

I am not going to continue with this shit. I am going to crawl my way out of it whilst I still can and it’s just ‘fun’

You wont fail if you get help. You can do this. ❤️

I lost my husband to addiction my kids went through hell. Please think about your family and not just yourself. I understand that it seems exciting right now. But that won't last, I promise you that.. When you can't look after your family and you literally cannot get through the day without something. May seem like you are in control right now, but it can soon change
Please change your habits, and think differently. Change your outlook before it's too late.
I just read your recent comment and it made me feel as though you are using your dreadful life experiences as a reason to need this escape.

It's selfish, get help now

@CheekOfItHells STOP it right NOW.
My son died from an overdose 23 years years ago. And no, I'm not over it. The report said it was a low dose ' not normally consistent with death' But it killed my son. He was only 20yo.
So have a good talk to yourself and don't have your Mum in the same position as I am. It has blighted so many lives.

Not everyone who tries drugs and alcohol turns into an addict.

I am not suggesting it's a good idea but I had a wild time when I was younger... it was fun, my friends were good friends (still are...) and none of us are on the street trying to get our next fix. We've all got mortgages and kids and jobs and no ones nose whistles!

I think the issue you are having is you are living your wild youth later in life because you settle down so young.

My stbxh is in the grip of coke addiction- it’s taken his soul in less than 12 weeks of heavy use (issues with it in the past by nothing like this).
hes paranoid, suicidal and a shadow of himself - soon to be homeless too.
we have a young child and adult daughter and my heart aches for them and for him as he’s beyond family help
cocaine is evil . Don’t take it

I think op that there are some people who can drink and use party drugs the odd time but keep it in check. But the reality is that there is a massive, massive link between trauma and serious addiction and you have experienced a lot of trauma over the years. I think you need to recognise that the life experience you've had is exactly why this feels as good as it does and why it's additionally dangerous for you.

The best thing you can do is get in touch with an early intervention service and get support.

Try watching a show called ‘Autopsy: the Last Hours of’ on the YouTube channel ‘Our History’, they talk a lot about the effects of alcohol and cocaine (amongst various other drugs) on the body and it might help put you off more. Good luck ♥️

OP, you’ve been through so much. Well done for having the strength to come on and ask for a virtual slap. I haven’t been through as much as you, but I well know the feeling of longing to be high and happy again, even if only for a moment. I know you’ve said you’re not coming back, but in case you do, please know that you’ve already seen what it would do to your children. In case you need a further slap, this thread was posted earlier today. It should be enough to make you reconsider alcohol too. Edited to add that I never touch alcohol now because the temptation of oblivion was beckoning too strongly. It creeps up on you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcoholsupport/5420409-tw-found-my-alcoholic-brother-passed-away-today-if-you-are-struggling-with-alcohol-please-heed-my-warning?page=1

Imagine losing your job, home and kids.
Ask me how I know ? (Close relative).

I have lost my (ex) OH to a Coke addiction. He was arrested for something drug related leaving me pregnant with 2 young children. He’s ruined not only his own life but mine and his children’s.