Married + young family: do you split Christmas day or stick to one side?

[Candleflower12]

1. Married + young family: do you split Christmas Day or stick to one side?

I've been lucky enough to meet someone who's family are scattered around the country, and none of them are that bothered about Christmas, they're all more than happy to do their own things, so we go to my mum's who is about 5 minutes away. The kids seem to quite like going there and will take a few of their new toys to play with and are spoilt there too. Then we have a day just the 4 of us on Boxing Day, we have party food, the kids play with their new things, a walk if the weather is nice. Then DH's mum will visit sometime between Christmas and New Year and we do the panto with her. I offer every year to host, as I worry that my mum does it every year, but she won't hear of it and wants to do it as long as I do starters, puddings and drinks!

Stay at home.

When my kids were small we did the 'DHs side for Christmas dinner, my side for Christmas tea' (all lived within 30 miles of each other). One year the kids didn't even get to open their presents until Boxing Day because we spent so much time on the move, trying to please everyone.

Then we moved 350 miles north and physically could not see everyone on Christmas day and it was so much better! We'd visit before Christmas, in that lovely atmosphere of anticipation and carol services and things to do, and we'd drop off and pick up presents. But Christmas day itself was just for us.

Very lucky to have nice, relaxed parents on both sides and the space to have everyone stay here over the Christmas period.

I have 4 dc and I always go to my parents for Christmas dinner - 10 minute walk. Dd1 always came too, even after she married as her dh is Muslim and generally had to work Christmas (doctor). She had her dd last year and spent last Christmas with her ils as dd2 comes to us every other year and dd1 wanted to have the same Christmas as her. This year they're all coming to my parents so my 4dc, 2 sils and my 3gc. I can't imagine just having a small Christmas, boxing day is when they play with their new toys.

We - parents of adult sons with their own children - do the visiting, by invitation. We go for brunch to the family with youngest children, after they’ve opened their stockings, and for late-ish lunch and early evening to the other. We live close to both now, but when we didn’t, we rented a place nearby over Christmas and did the same.

Both my daughters-in-law’s parents do something similar. Youngest DIL’s parents go to her for lunch and to her sibling for brunch, oldest DIL is an only child so her parents visit Xmas eve to Boxing Day.

All the children therefore stay home with their parents but get to see wider family.

I agree, it’s for the kids to enjoy and I want to enjoy it with them whilst they are little, we only
have a few more years when my older one will believe in Santa. I want them to have good memories and I want good memories. I’m sorry yours aren’t and glad you can make it right for your kids.

I fully expect sulking from in laws but honestly it’s too much. The kids get ‘why don’t you play with’ as they want them to play with what
they bought rather than letting them be. When he needs to decompressing/regulating with his tablet for a little while we get ‘why did we bother buying you presents when you are just watching that.’ He’s watching that because you are dominating the TV so the kids can’t put on anything they want.

First 2-3 years after starting a family we alternated, then we decided to stay at home and host family who wanted to join us.
Its nicer for kids to stay and play with their presents, nap if they need to and eat at a reasonable time with food adjusted to their tastes.
Hosting can be hardwork and expensive but still I preferred staying at home and we have made some lovely memories

we do Xmas day at home so dc can enjoy their toys. My sister and my dad come too. We then go to in-laws Boxing Day for a couple nights.
sil and bil do Xmas eve together at ils house, then sil stays and bil goes too his parents. Then sil leaves Xmas day evening to go to her ils house and stop over.

Christmas at home, just us. I hate travelling on the day and we both want to be at home. My parents never cared much about Christmas so we would see them any time. We'd go to the ILs on Boxing Day or a few days before or after the 25th. We've had Christmas at theirs before and stayed in B&B, starving because they don't eat until 3pm but they open their presents first thing so then you're just hanging about until dinner. Then arguing at the table! No thanks.

we stay at home on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Anyone is welcome to come along to ours but we’re not budging. That’s how it’s been since my daughter was born. She’s seven now and that’s how it will continue until she’s doesn’t believe anymore.

We don’t see anyone on Christmas Day. We stay at home and have family time, just us. It’s what we did growing up. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave all my toys at home, plus it’s less stressful and we can do things at our own pace.
We see grandparents between Christmas and New Year.

We have had two Christmases where it was just the four of us - kids aged 5 and 3 and the time and 4 and 2 and it was bliss!
We wouldn't go to others houses but would invite them to ours.

Usually we have an early Xmas with PIL and Xmas day is at ours and occasionally my family join us

Since having DS (2.5) we've had Christmas day at home. My parents and brother join us, and usually stay until 27th. My husband's side (MiL, SiL, BiL and twin 15yo boys) come to us on 29th and stay until NYD. We find is less stressful to host at home than pack everything up and travel. Works for us, and means we spend a few days with each side.

We stayed home and did zero travelling on Christmas Day.

Family were invited Xmas Eve or Boxing Day.

As my DH's birthday is on Christmas Eve, we have 24th-26th just us and the kids. Kids get to enjoy their presents on Christmas Day and DH can nurse any hangover he has. Boxing Day we just chill in our pjs, eating leftovers and lots of chocolate. Our families can meet us (or we visit them) on either side of those days.

We prefer to stay home. We had 5 years pre covid where we travelled the country with a car full of gifts and preschoolers. Realised that was madness and if anyone had the most need to stay home for Christmas, it was us. Grandparents welcome to come to us but after decades of hosting it’s not their fave/not the tradition (guess what - they’re used to hosting because they also stayed home with young kids at Christmas…. Of course when we want to do the same it’s a drama!).

Went to my parents when dc were small, others weren’t bothered and made it clear. Didn’t have to do anything there (for a few years through the teens I had a big house and they came to me but back going to my parents as I moved, kids, kids partners and adult step kids all in invited)

Oh and my dc preferred going to my parents because they had a chimney and we didn’t! I think my eldest was concerned she wouldn’t get presents if we didn’t go when they were primary aged, my brothers go too (no dc)

I always found travelling at Christmas a bit more exciting than just being at home. Since we've had DC we've alternated hosting and visiting and never found the drive to be any issue.

We had the one covid Christmas that was just us and it was fine but a bit meh. Much prefer it with extra people.

We will head to my parents this year, about a 5 hour drive. Will be a couple of bags of presents to bring with us, nothing that doesn't easily fit in the car. I'm looking forward to it.

Neither. Stay at home. Visit family in between Christmas and New Year.

Our situation is unique since we live in a different country to my parents AND my PILs (so 3 countries total).
As such we do alternate years. This year it’s my parents’ turn. We never stay home for Christmas because our place is too small for anyone to come and stay with us, PLUS we don’t like new year’s celebrations where we live (did it once and never again: people throw fireworks on the street in broad daylight, out of windows etc, for DAYS in the run up to actual NYE…totally unsafe with children, though TBH local kids are often actively bought fireworks to chuck around because their parents consider it a rite of passage 🙄).
We also know our kids won’t have both sets of grandparents forever so we’re happy to keep doing this for now.

We stay at home just our little family. Its glorious. It took a while for MIL to accept it (previously every year we would visit on christmas day i dreaded it after a while and so did the kids )but there are plenty of days to visit others do what you want to do.

Once married and then with children we always spent Christmas with just us as a family. If anyone one wanted to pop in in the morning they were welcome. Start as you mean to go on.

As a grandparent, I firmly believe that what matters is that my son and his wife do what works best for them and their children. Dh and I have no expectation of them coming to us or us going to them - they have a toddler and baby twins, so frankly they have enough on their plate without us making demands on their time.

If, in the future, they wanted to come to us for Christmas, we would be over the moon, but if we end up having Christmases on our own, because all our sons and their families are staying in their own homes, we will accept that without a murmur.

Please could you let all the other grandparents know that thinking like this is an option 😂 you sound wonderful!