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Original poster

I'm not good enough for DH

34 replies

Doughfuff · 28/09/2025 22:42

NC

These are entirely my own thoughts.
I probably have some form of body dismorphia, nothing ever diagnosed.

I'm not good enough for DH. I'm not a size 10. I'm not stunning. I've not got a model-type body. I've got diifficult hair. DH has never asked me to be any of these things. But who wouldn't want a DW with these qualities ?

DH has never cheated, been together 30 years. He is no adonis .. but I love him regardless

I just want to look stunning for DH (and me).. Be in a sexy bikini on holiday.

Just feeling so very low

OP posts:
Cinaferna · 28/09/2025 22:43

Why does a bikini body suddenly matter after 30 years of happy marriage?

UncertainPerson · 28/09/2025 22:47

Honestly OP I’ve never, ever seen a man think twice about having ‘difficult’ hair. This is just a way of keeping women down.

I bet you’re a loyal partner, and a caring friend.

Think about all those people who deliberately harm others. I bet you’re nothing like that!

I’m grey haired, with wonky teeth and I’m still a good person. I’m a fucking good Mum, you know? I’m a fierce friend. I’m loved. You are loved too!

ButWhether · 28/09/2025 22:49

I’m extremely plain, impatient, sharp-tongued, career-focused and have difficult hair. I still think DH is lucky to have me.

WhereIsMyLight · 28/09/2025 22:50

I'm not a size 10. I'm not stunning. I've not got a model-type body. I've got diifficult hair. DH has never asked me to be any of these things. But who wouldn't want a DW with these qualities ?

Erm… anyone that actually wants a marriage to last? I would much rather have a spouse that can do the heavy lifting when I can’t. That can be an equal partner. That brings out the best in me and can deal with the worst of me. That knows how to cheer me up. That knows how to make me laugh. I would rather anyone of those than how my spouse looks in swimwear.

Talk to a professional because the size of your knickers doesn’t define your worth.

Endofyear · 29/09/2025 03:25

Since when does someone have to be a stunning size 10 to be worthy of being in a relationship? I'm 54, grey haired and a bit fat - been married 35 years and pretty sure DH loves me just the way I am! Really OP, I'm sure that your partner isn't so shallow - if you really feel low about this, you need to have some counselling.

Bodypumpmum · 29/09/2025 03:57

And what is it you are looking for here?

Coffeeforbreakfast88 · 29/09/2025 04:53

Unfortunately society has made women belive that it’s important to look sexy in a bikini, when firstly it’s subjective and secondly it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you’re loved, you have your health and you’re happy.

SiameseBlueEyes · 29/09/2025 05:21

Heavens, I prefer a one piece with hold them up and tuck it in properties and I am a size 10. I know plenty of chic accomplished size 8 women who would give a lot to have what you have.

MayaPinion · 29/09/2025 05:40

Does he look like Brad Pitt? The very very vast majority of women are not supermodels. Why do you now, in your 50s (I’m guessing) suddenly decide you want to be?

persisted · 29/09/2025 06:56

Why do you think he would want you to have a ‘model type body’?
We have been socialised to believe that beauty is only within those measurements, but that only applies to what fashion mags show us.

I bet he thinks you look great in a bikini.

GeorgeMichaelsMicStand · 29/09/2025 07:01

You need therapy. This is all in your brain

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 29/09/2025 07:28

On thing I truly realised on a recent holiday is that absolutely NO ONE has a “model type body”. I think so much of what we see is so heavily filtered and that feeds into some totally impossible perceived ideals. I have no idea how to edit or filter a photograph and I had no idea so much of it was being done!
Plus, you are far more than your looks or your difficult hair (what is “difficult hair” by the way?) You are your values and your actions and your behaviours, which frankly, are far, far more important than what you look like. Are you kind, decent, honest, loyal? Those are the things that matter, to most people.

BCBird · 29/09/2025 07:28

I would look at getting some counselling OP. This must be exhausting and unpleasant for you. Look on it as an investment in your well-being and therefore all relationships.

DaisyChain505 · 29/09/2025 07:44

When you die do you think your loved ones will be stood around at your funeral saying,

”Wow I’ll miss “X” she had a gorgeous body.”

or

“It’s such a shame “X” is gone. Her hair was so thick and long.”

No they won’t. They’ll be talking about how kind, funny and loving you were and how much they’ll miss all of your traits and the person you were on the inside.

You’ve said it yourself that you’ve been together a very long time and your partner has never cheated. The proof is in the pudding. He wants you and loves you.

You need to start learning to love yourself.

Can you afford therapy? Order yourself some self love books and do more things in life that make you feel good and nourish your body.

Make sure you’re getting outside every day to walk. Doesn’t matter where or how far. It’s good for the body and the brain.

MyFortieth · 29/09/2025 07:45

Well it’s no surprise you’re feeling low, when you are listening to thoughts like that.

Can you imagine saying that to a sister or a friend. “well your husband is no Adonis, but don’t you think he deserves a stunning, model type, with hair like Becky with the good hair. I want that.. for him”

No you wouldn’t because you can recognise it is an awful thing to say to someone else, but you can’t recognise that you are entitled to the same dignity.

After 30 years together do you think he’s so shallow that he sees little or nothing in you beyond your figure? Is that how you truly see him?

I agree with the other’s that you need counseling because your way of thinking is very disordered on this topic.

Rocknrollstar · 29/09/2025 08:01

Just come back from holiday abroad and I can tell you that no one cares what they look like by the pool. Your DH obviously doesn’t see all the failings in you that you imagine you have. Why don’t you look at the positives - your smile, your good nature, the way you care for him.

Original poster
Doughfuff · 02/10/2025 07:46

@WhereIsMyLight size of your knickers doesn’t define your worth this made me laugh

He is certainly no brad pit by a long shot, I wouldn't want a brad pit type anyways.

I'm just feeling very insecure. Yes, I need him to tell me I am sexy .. just once would be nice .. or that I am pretty ..or that I look fabulous .. or that he is lucky to have me. I don't need these reassurances from him all the time, but occasionally would be nice. A friend recently posted on social media 'happy birthday to my lovely wife, still my favourite lady' and a pic of them together. DH never even posts happy birthday on my SM, despite my friends and family doing so.

Just feeling very unloved, unwanted & unattractive.

A birthday card from DH would have been nice.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 02/10/2025 08:08

You’ve been married 30 years just tell him how you feel.

There is a mismatch of feelings from wanting a size 10 bikini body and getting no affection or birthday card from your H.

If he’s never been the type to compliment and it hasn’t bothered you in 30 years why would he think to change now?

He can’t mind read. Just tell him going forward you are needing more affirmation. Should be all that’s required.

Lobelia123 · 02/10/2025 08:12

You have to feel all those things yourself, otherwise its a bottomless pit that can never be filled. No husband or partner will ever be able to compliment and tell you how wonderful and beautiful you are enough times and with enough love and enthusiasm, if you dont feel it yourself. I think maybe you're looking to your husband to fill the well, when the core problem is the way you feel about yourself - not the way he makes you feel about yourself.

Orangepate · 02/10/2025 08:16

Are you married to Chris Hemsworth? Otherwise why are your DH’s “flaws” not troubling you?
Decent people love you for who you are, not what you look like, especially after 30 years.

maslinpan · 02/10/2025 08:25

The real issue is that you feel unappreciated by your DH. It might be uncomfortable for you to tell him that directly if you don't feel he will listen to you or take it seriously..So you are deflecting the issue back on to yourself with blaming yourself for not being pretty enough.

Original poster
Doughfuff · 02/10/2025 08:29

maslinpan · 02/10/2025 08:25

The real issue is that you feel unappreciated by your DH. It might be uncomfortable for you to tell him that directly if you don't feel he will listen to you or take it seriously..So you are deflecting the issue back on to yourself with blaming yourself for not being pretty enough.

This. Totally.

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 02/10/2025 08:31

Maybe he shows he loves you in a different way? Have you heard of love languages? Does he do stuff round the house in a way that is more than just a job I. E. Cook your favourite meals or do the washing in a special way that you really like? Or fluff up your pillowswhen he makes the bed? Or maybe he buys you really nice gifts? Or loves spending time with you?

Original poster
Doughfuff · 02/10/2025 08:32

@Geneticsbunny unfortunately not ,,but he will cook for us and we like our eves together, either in or out.

OP posts:
LilyCanna · 02/10/2025 08:36

Public social media birthday declarations - meh, lots of people don’t do them. But you said he didn’t get you a card. Did he get you a birthday present?

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