I'm not good enough for DH

[Doughfuff]

NC

These are entirely my own thoughts.
I probably have some form of body dismorphia, nothing ever diagnosed.

I'm not good enough for DH. I'm not a size 10. I'm not stunning. I've not got a model-type body. I've got diifficult hair. DH has never asked me to be any of these things. But who wouldn't want a DW with these qualities ?

DH has never cheated, been together 30 years. He is no adonis .. but I love him regardless

I just want to look stunning for DH (and me).. Be in a sexy bikini on holiday.

Just feeling so very low

no card, no gift but we had agreed no gift (we don't do gifts, we go out for dinner and drinks instead, which we did with the DC).

I would like, just once and doesn't need to be a specific occasion - some perfume he has picked out that he would love to smell on me, some sexy undies picked out by him that he would like to see me in, a piece of Jewellery (doesn't have to be ££) that he has chosen ..

and I would like to see/hear him get excited about me ..things little comments in bed about me/how much he is enjoying it/me.

I'm currently being made to feel as if I am about as sexy as a saggy sack of old potatoes

Have you told him any of this? The only way to resolve it is to talk to him. Hes not going to just spontaneously start bringing you home flowers and perfume out of nowhere, after 30 years of not doing it. Like previous posters have said, hows he supposed to know? Hes not a mind reader. Explain how you feel and how much it would mean to you (NOT in an accusatory or whiney way!) and give him a chance to give you what you need. Just be aware that you may be wanting him to be something and someone that he intrinsically isnt - but that doesnt mean he shouldnt at least make the gesture.

Your husband likes you as you are, OP.
And why do you need him to post on SM for your birthday, when you live together? My husband and I (35 years married) don't even follow each other on social media, because it's meaningless and performative.

Nobody needs you to be a size 10. You are a mature, independent woman, of an age to understand that looks just don't matter. So enjoy your life and put all this stuff behind you.

I saw something a while ago that really chimed with me - the way I look is the least interesting thing about me. Make that true about yourself. Your outward appearance is just the wrapper. I want to be loved for my sense of humour, my kindness, my intelligence, my quirky interests and my energy, not my waistline or my hair.

You agreed no gifts for birthdays. But you want gifts on random occasions? Honestly this is never going to happen. You have to be realistic, if you say no birthday gifts he is never going to think of 'unbirthday presents'.

Are you buying him random gifts and posting happy birthday on social media? Posting Happy Birthday on Social media would mean nothing to me, surely that is
just a 'look at us' message, for other people?

You need to just start saying all this to him OP. He isn't a mind reader. I agree that you also need to look at whether you do the things for him that you want him to do for you. He wont know that you want perfume and sexy underwear unless you tell him. Please talk to him, this sounds exhausting.

Has it always been this way? Because if it has been like this for 30 years he probably thinks that this is what you want.

Communicate.

I m not sure focussing on the DH is the right angle.

I think it’s more about reconnecting with your own sexy first. But it won’t work by doubting yourself OP, quite the opposite.

Go treat and pamper yourself or whatever to feel sexy, but think of it as rewards to your fabulous self.

If your DH doesn’t notice, then he is the problem.