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Terrible experience very upset

33 replies

UniqueGoldNewt · 24/09/2025 11:11

Hi,
just posting as something happened yesterday and I’ve been feeling very down and upset.
so i have been diagnosed with PCOS & it’s quite severe, ive had this since I was 16. Ive also been told by endocrinologist and other professionals i have strong suspected endometriosis & this could definitely be why im having awful pelvic and lower back pain, bleeding heavily from the back passage on my monthlies etc.
i saw a woman gynaecologist from a referral of my GP a couple months ago. She was nice enough and agreed saying that she could confirm it with a laparoscopy if I got my BMI down but she was helpful enough & said we would follow up in 6 months. She did other things like prescribe hormonal contraception & say there would be follow up however she was a bit funny and said a bizarre phrase “lots of young women do like to use endometriosis as a fashion statement”. I turned round and said “what? I don’t choose to be in this much pain everyday”
anyways, that was that.
now, this is the main thing….
I called the gynae place and got an appointment before the 6 months as my pelvic pain has got so severe- I feel sick from pain and it’s just ruining my life. The receptionist offered me an appointment very soon and I asked if this was with the same lady gynaecologist. I was told yes.

I attend my appointment & im led to a room by a nice enough nurse. Straight away it’s an older male gynaecologist and not the woman but I look past that. I say hello as I walk towards the patient chair. He ignored me. Hes sat up giving me the dirtiest look. He leans towards me and goes “Whats the problem today how can I help?”
he doesn’t have my notes up or anything and as im explaining the pain, the situation etc Hes nodding and looking very bored. Then when I’ve finished explaining he says “the pain couldn’t have got worse. PCOS is just immature follicles it doesn’t cause any pain. What I think is happening here is this is referred pain - your problem is back pain because you’re overweight. What is your BMI?”
he didn’t even have my notes or BMI up and he was staring in disgust as I walked in.
Yes i am overweight but I’ve lost weight and my BMI has gone down a bit and I wasn’t helping my case appearance wise by wearing a big baggy hoodie but I don’t think it’s acceptable to talk to patients like that? This man was judging me straight off appearance it seems and wasn’t willing to help. I stayed calm and explained that the pain is all over my pelvic area and bikini line and he just dismissed me and said “it’s referred from your back you need to lose weight i dont know why you’ve come or what you want me to do”. He also said “ I can give you the mirena coil to stop the periods” but I explained I wanted to get to the bottom of the pain and I had only just got my periods back with medication.
he then proceeded to keep fat shaming and dismissing me so I calmly said “Thank you so much I’ll find someone who can help me”
then as I was walking towards the door out of the office he was laughing snarkily and in a nasty manner. The nurse looked quite taken aback and upset. I feel so humiliated and down- I had to go straight to bed for hours as I felt so depressed and defeated. It’s put me off going to the doctors ever again. I know im overweight but I’ve lost weight with metformin even if it was just a bit and ive never been treated like this really by doctors.
im in so much pain and painkillers have now stopped working. Mefenamic acid was amazing and really helped then as my pain got worse over the past 3 days or so it’s stopped working. I also explained this to male gynaecologist I saw and he said “maybe it worked before but it’s stopped working now this is probably to do with your weight”
this medicine worked like a treat less than a month ago….
:( :( just feel so down and in pain now
does anyone have any experience like this? Just feel we don’t get taken seriously at all especially with women’s health
:( dont know what to do next

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 24/09/2025 11:13

This is appalling. Contact PALS and put in a complaint, I’m fuming on your behalf!

Fionasapples · 24/09/2025 11:18

This is appalling, like something from 50 years ago! I agree with pp, get in touch with PALS as soon as possible. Stress how he made you feel. Did you get his name? If not it doesn't matter, they will know who he is from your record.
Moving on, you can ask to be referred to a different hospital trust so you don't worry about bumping into this dinosaur again. Do you have a sympathetic GP at your practice? Make an appointment and see what they can suggest.
Good luck.

BernadetteJune · 24/09/2025 11:55

Agree - totally appalling. So sorry you had to face this. Get a complaint in now. You need another consultation and some emotional support. (((Take care )))

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watermybegonias · 24/09/2025 12:27

I don't blame you, that is horrific. PLEASE go to PALS and complain.

Ladybugheart · 24/09/2025 12:30

I'm upset and angry on your behalf tbh, that's a disgusting way to treat a patient and without a doubt I would be complaining. I am sick to death of womens health being belittled and minimised.

FeistyFrankie · 24/09/2025 12:45

What a horrible incompetent doctor that man sounds. I'm so sorry that happened to you OP. Definitely complain about him!!! And can you get an appointment with a different gynaecologist? Sending hugs. Don't let him get you down - he isnt fit to practice if that's how he speaks to patients.

spiderlight · 24/09/2025 13:29

That is absolutely appalling - what an odious, short-sighted git. Definitely put in a complaint.

CharlotteFlax · 24/09/2025 13:39

Horrible shitbag of a man. Get a complaint in and ask to see a different GP.

ginasevern · 24/09/2025 13:54

Far too many doctors think they're god. They make me fucking sick. I don't know if they treat men the same way, but I doubt it.

Baggyit · 24/09/2025 14:26

Absolutely shocking.
You poor woman.
Complain and take it further.
Just disgraceful.

Petherbride · 24/09/2025 14:30

Oh dear, where did this happen? What was the doctors name?

Skybluepinky · 24/09/2025 14:59

Why haven’t you lost the weight you were told 6 months previously?
he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you haven’t done yourself any favours and are wasting nhs time by not doing as you are told.

IchiNiSanShiGo · 24/09/2025 15:05

Skybluepinky · 24/09/2025 14:59

Why haven’t you lost the weight you were told 6 months previously?
he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you haven’t done yourself any favours and are wasting nhs time by not doing as you are told.

Because losing weight is just so easy isn’t it? Especially when you’re in huge amounts of pain 🙄 Dickhead.

SapatSea · 24/09/2025 15:31

The stories I could tell about male doctors ( and some women) ... just so sad for you that this is still surprisngly common after all "the lessons learned" statements

jessycake · 24/09/2025 16:00

Complain , too many people are denied treatment because they are overweight , I bet he wouldn't refuse in his private clinics if he does them .

HatStickBoots · 24/09/2025 16:33

There’s a couple of reasons why women with PCOS gain weight and gain it in a specific area, the abdomen. They should know this and could provide tests to check your hormones and blood sugar levels. I was diagnosed with PCOS eventually in my late teens at the end of the 1980s. It’s bad enough having to seek help, get diagnosed by scans and tests etc without being treated like you’ve been OP. I’m so disgusted. Please ask your gp to check and see if your weight gain is linked to the PCOS and then you can start to address how to lose the weight because PCOS makes it hard to lose.

Blueuggboots · 24/09/2025 16:42

Disgusting behaviour. Complain.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 24/09/2025 17:07

Skybluepinky · 24/09/2025 14:59

Why haven’t you lost the weight you were told 6 months previously?
he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you haven’t done yourself any favours and are wasting nhs time by not doing as you are told.

Be careful, your kindness is showing.

Showerflowers · 24/09/2025 17:24

Skybluepinky · 24/09/2025 14:59

Why haven’t you lost the weight you were told 6 months previously?
he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you haven’t done yourself any favours and are wasting nhs time by not doing as you are told.

Oh aren’t you simply lovely.

WilfredsPies · 24/09/2025 17:27

Skybluepinky · 24/09/2025 14:59

Why haven’t you lost the weight you were told 6 months previously?
he shouldn’t have treated you that way but you haven’t done yourself any favours and are wasting nhs time by not doing as you are told.

You absolute genius! You need to contact Wes Streeting immediately and tell him you’ve solved the NHS obesity crisis. I mean, it’s inspired. I can’t imagine why nobody has thought of it before. I mean, it’s so simple and easy when you put it like that. In fact, I think you might have solved anorexia as well if you apply it the other way around.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 24/09/2025 17:34

Are you happy to see the female gynaecologist again?

If so, I'd call back for another appointment and be crystal clear you want to see her and no one else. If you're feeling brave, ask for the complaints procedure regarding your appointment with the male Dr. If not, then wait till you've seen her and then put in a complaint about the misogynistic prick.

I'm angry on your behalf, how bloody dare he. I'd have wanted to ask him how much pain he gets from his fucking ovaries. Arsehole.

Fwiw - 'I have lost weight and the pain is worse' is a useful phrase when dealing with idiots like this.

Saz12 · 24/09/2025 17:39

Definitely put in a complaint. Be completely factual, and don't use phrases like "she was nice enough", use things like "I was greeted by xyz who introduced themselves". Or "Dr ABC didn't make eye contact nor refer to my medical notes but immediately stated the issue was back pain due to excess weight. I asked about possible gynae causes which was immediately dismissed without explanation".

Write down the history - GP referal, medications & if they were effective, visits to specialists, any tests performed, ideally with symptoms and BMI (only because the specialist mentioned it), and add it as a footnote.

Morningsleepin · 24/09/2025 17:48

My question what is the point of him?

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/09/2025 17:52

What you do next is complain about this cheeky twat. So sorry you experienced this, some medics are just arrogant wastes of space

Mumofsoontobe3 · 24/09/2025 18:02

So sorry you had to go through that OP. I hope you get to the bottom of your health issues soon. Report him! No wonder you're so upset. What an awful experience for you.