Did you parents give you childcare for your kids?

[itsraining2024]

Did you pay them if they did it full time Monday to Friday? I know not everyone’s that lucky and sometimes parents find it hard to say no to their kids but say if you both had a combined income of 63000 before tax…then give parents 50 quid a week for childcare…it’s taking the mick right?

That's insulting to be honest. You're saving them thousands and thousands a year.

I think it depends on what works for you and them but I think full time childcare Monday to Friday is too much tbh

I think it depends really. My daughter goes to nursery so we don’t have family childcare but have multiple friends that do and all have different set ups.

One friend pays her mum pretty much the same as she would pay a childminder because her mum stopped working to provide that childcare so she needs the money.

Another friend doesn’t pay her parents at all, her parents would never take money from her. My parents would be like this, we’d absolutely offer but not a chance they would take a penny from us for childcare.

Another friend doesn’t really pay for childcare but gives money to cover any activities/meals out etc they go on so that could be £50 a week to cover a soft play, a toddler group, a cafe lunch etc.

Totally depends what works for those involved, as long as everyone is happy it doesn’t matter.

No.
We received absolutely no childcare support from both sets of parents by hours or money.

All childcare we paid for out of pocket ourselves. This was before there were any free hours(UK) or child care tax credits (US) and yes, monthly childcare was more than the monthly mortgage.

It’s down to each individual family. Just because someone has an income of £63k doesn’t mean their parents want to need financial remuneration and are quite possibly far better off in their own right.

I can’t imagine my parents would have charged me for childcare but they weren’t in a position to be able to provide it anyway.

My fantastic mother in law supported us with childcare we paid her what she was earning at her morning job started as four days and then reduced gradually as the free hours came into play. We don't get any ad hoc support.

No, we're not in the same country.

This will differ family to family. I will have my grandchildren (if/when) full time for free if they choose to.

No. But if they did I wouldn’t give them 50 quid. That’s both an insultingly low amount if you’re paying them, and weird if you’re not.

I’ve never had any grandparent childcare and am £2k a month poorer because of it, for years now. For context the total cost of nursery for my two kids for age 1-4.5 each will be around £160k. One grandparent has offered to babysit in the evening a handful of times and I’ve been very grateful and bought a gift. I think it’s not ok that grandparents are being taken for granted, this is a huge amount of childcare being provided. I wouldnt agree to so much if I were a grandparent, it sounds exhausting.

We used paid childcare,I didn’t really want to have family childcare,I think it distorts family relationships
Our DPs picked up sick days ,babysat for a night most weekends and provided care when we had 2 weekends away per month

Always find these threads so interesting. Mil offered to take early retirement to do childcare for our first - initially 2 full days and 3 half days a week. We paid her what she worked out she needed to live comfortably on, given she had stopped working to provide this. As DC got to toddlerhood she has found it harder work so we've upped nursery hours, which means this isn't really a cheaper option in any form but it feels right because DC gets the 1:1 attention half the week and nursery stimulation half the week, and as we pay her we don't feel guilty. Due second DC soon and she's offered to have this one also, which is fantastic but we will still have some nursery hours as it doesn't feel right to expect her to do the full week even though we pay, it's a lot for one person!

£50 is a half day cost at our nursery so yes agree it’s taking the mick

One of my neighbours goes to her son’s house to mind their 2 children- a 4 year old who has just started school and a 14 month old. She does it 5 days a week - her dil drops the 4 year old to school and my neighbour collects him.
She seems to do housework and cook dinner for them as well. They give her not a single penny.
Her husband goes mad but she won’t stop.

We have had no regular help with childcare from either my parents (one dead and the other overseas tbf) or my in-laws.

In-laws will occasionally babysit though for which we are very grateful.

Grandparents covered a rare date night, nothing more. We paid for childcare. It was expensive, but necessary. It never occurred to us to ask grandparents to cover childcare so we could work.

My Mum reduced her hours at work and helped us 2 days a week. It allowed DH to WFH and have DD looked after with him around if needed.
I paid half the mortgage for Mums house (I also part owned the house so this wasn't at all unreasonable). Meant I didn't need to pay for more nursery time, DD and Mum enjoyed this time together so it was a good arrangement all round.

I think if the 50 quid it is actual payment that is insulting, if its just to cover costs and the parents are happy to do it then that's fine.

We get the odd day here and there but my parents have other commitments so can’t babysit very often.

I don’t know anybody whose parents provide childcare full time Monday - Friday. That’s incredibly generous! I do think they should be paid in that situation, although I am sure it’s fairly unusual.

PIL had DS 3 mornings each week from he was 1 until he started full time school, after which they picked him up 2 nights (so 3.30-5pm ish).

My dad also picked him 1 night a week when he was in full time school.

None of this was out of necessity, it was because they wanted to have him/spend time with him. We could’ve paid for extra nursery/wraparound care.

We didn’t pay them but we did treat them to days out and took them on holidays.

DS is 17 now but still goes to PIL 1 night a week for tea 🤣

DH parents, two days a week for each of DH siblings, two children each.
My parents, full time for my sister.
None of it paid.
us, older parents, zero.

my lovely mother in law finds this hard to justify. So I try to take them down and sit, so she can be with them. My parents are to unwell.

my sadness is actually more at the siblings, zero time, never mind childcare. My children wouldn’t recognise them without prompting and we live in the same place. And I had theirs the remaining above days, so 2.5 each a week. For nothing.

friends however, that’s my biggest help. A disjointed school mums network where two of us could be the other’s mother. Yet in an emergency or any situation we can all take the kid's.

In the event of regular or full time childcare, the person aunty or whoever should be paid at least expenses.

when it gets me down, which it does, I remind myself of what I gained, my relationship with my nieces and nephews. And they miss that feeling which I have gained.

My parents & in-laws did/do help for free but they would never have done 5 days. Not fair on them on the dc.

We used paid childcare,I didn’t really want to have family childcare,I think it distorts family relationships
Our DPs picked up sick days ,babysat for a night most weekends and provided care when we had 2 weekends away per month

Why would having a gc every Monday distort a family relationship but having them for 2 weekends a month wouldn't?

What’s the story here, @itsraining2024? Care to expand a bit more?

No, my parents work. And anyone I know who uses parents and/or family as childcare all ended up in the creek without a paddle after a year or so because said parents/family decided they couldn’t do certain days anymore and they couldn’t get other childcare.