Did you parents give you childcare for your kids?

[itsraining2024]

Did you pay them if they did it full time Monday to Friday? I know not everyone’s that lucky and sometimes parents find it hard to say no to their kids but say if you both had a combined income of 63000 before tax…then give parents 50 quid a week for childcare…it’s taking the mick right?

I didn't have any family help other than emergency care and neither have my grandchildren. It actually seems a huge imposition to expect childcare every day from grandparents. They are entitled to a life after bringing up their own families.

My parents weren't in a position provide regular childcare as they live 200 miles away. But they did help out ad hoc if needed. I don't think I would have asked them for 5 days a week even if they lived on doorstep - that's a big commitment.

My in laws provided childcare for us but wouldn’t take anything for it. I worked part time and our DC went to nursery part of the time so it wasn’t every day but was probably 2-3 half days a week.

We bought them various items to settle up including a dishwasher! That was the biggest item. Other things were food hampers and really nice Christmas and birthday presents. We were very lucky

Only one of my parents ever got to meet one of my DC. And they were already terminally ill.

I had all my DC in my 20s so I didn’t leave it late but no my parents didn’t babysit, but I do tell them stories about my parents sometimes.

For one year my PIL watched our DD one day a week. I didn’t want to but we had no other option at the time. We were very grateful, they refused payment. If our income had been anywhere near £63k they would’ve been in nursery but my part time salary was under £10k and DH was earning about £20k then.

Are you the parent receiving £50 a week? Or do you know them and they don’t feel like it’s enough?

Or do you just know that that’s what’s paid and you think it’s taking the piss, but maybe everyone actually involved is happy with it? What’s the context of your question? Because I think whether or not £50 a week is taking the piss is subjective and situation dependent.

My in-laws do two days a week for us, and we paid for any “equipment” eg a pram and car seat for them, but they wouldn’t take any money for the childcare. Someone might hear about this and decide we’re “taking the piss” but they won’t take money.

I look after a grandchild 2 days a week. It’s a joy. I wouldn’t dream of letting them pay me. I cannot understand why a parent wouldn’t want to help out their own children by having their grandchildren if they’re able.

Same here. Hard going, we don't get any help from grandparents, do it all on our own juggling full-time work and 2 kids. One is in school now so makes it a bit easier and the free hrs have helped this September I couldn't justify the cost of full time nursery.We may have to up nursery hours eventually as DS2 only goes 3 days a week and we juggle hrs/work in between on those 2 days. I'd be so grateful if we could even have help for 1 a day a week but isn't feasible. We don't have any time on our own even as a couple! Emergencies or 1 offs. Alot of people around us are lucky with their families to help out.

Once they were at school, my mum and dad did 2 pick ups a week, taking them to ballet/music lessons and then home to ours for tea. We paid an after school nanny for the other 3 days.

They refused any payment, but their parents had helped lots with me and my sister, so I guess they just thought it was normal grandparent behaviour.

£50 per week for children plural is going to damage relations...

It's derisory... it doesnt cover petrol, food and activities and sends the message you take them for granted.

You dont have to give them £2k per month or anything but they are doing something huge and you should regularly demonstrate your gratitude.

I have never had formal childcare from parents... but my DM provides what I'd describe as "emergency" / ad hoc childcare...which really helps.
we give her cash to cover any outlays and gift her tickets to nice stuff / things for her house etc as our treat to say thank you

I tried to pay MIL for 2 days a week (her choice) but she wouldn't take it & desperately wanted the DC, but we had to stop it early due to a few reasons. My DP's weren't interested. Now DC are older they want to have them one day a week in the school holidays. That's it. I was always jealous of a friend whose MIL & DM both would take the DC for a week at a time (still do), pick them up from school , take them to activities, weekend fun etc & she was an SAHM! I'd love that.

I'd never ask, though. I met a few GM's at playgroups & all moaned about doing full time child care. I ran into one at a cafe, with a friend, celebrating because both had DGC off to school & would have school hours free. They felt pressured to do it, but their active retirement years were slipping away.

Grandparents don't live near enough. One set have passed away now and were too old to babysit when they were alive. Other set would babysit when DC already in bed so no need to entertain. But this was only during school holidays. I never paid them directly but bought lots of teas and coffees when out and about

My DB would frequently drop his DC off at short notice. No idea if they paid grandparents. I doubt it.

If babysitting was a regular arrangement then we would definitely have come to some financial arrangement.

I have spent a small fortune on babysitters over the years. We also used to have a reciprocal arrangement with friends which worked well for a time.

DC grown up now, so no need for any babysitting.

Me too.

We didn't have regular childcare but I can't imagine either set of parents wanting to be paid - they are both better off than we were when dc were tiny so the whole point would have been to save us money.

Having said that if my parents took dc on a day out in the holidays I would give them £20 for lunch and ice creams.

£50 for a full week is weird. It's not enough to cover costs, it obviously isn't an actual payment for the service itself. It's a very strange token amount.

A Grandmother here. DH and I both worked full time and used nursery and childminder in term time. Both sets of our parents helped with school holidays and babysitting.
We decided to help our DD and we have had both grandchildren from 1year old for two days a week but no school holidays. We’re into our 10th year now and it’s down to a couple of school pick ups only.
No we don’t accept money, we love it and it’s been an absolute privilege to do it. We’ve had some great times and we have a lovely relationship with our Grandchildren. Yes it’s tiring but like all Grandparents say ‘you can hand them back’ and then go home and have a glass of wine

Both sets of parents lived over 100 miles away from us.

If I was gonna pay for it I imagine I would rather choose to send them to qualified practitioners with a full program of interesting and fun activities and a bunch of friends - ie nursery. If they only expect a token amount then they don’t need the money. I’d (offer to) pay the grandparent back for things eg lunch, soft play (but they wouldn’t take it). Surely grandparent care is to help their children and save them money?
My parents don’t live close by but I wouldn’t expect them to care for my kids regularly, and if they did it would be because they wanted to 🤷‍♀️

My parents have my 15mo old twice a week. My mum loves having her. I've offered money, but my parents are well off and don't want it. They're retired. Tbh I don't think they'd ever even think of asking me to pay them.

If I was retired, I'd look afte any future grandkids gladly for 1-2 days a week. I just think part of family is helping each other 🤷 Yes it's your kid your responsibility...but a lot of people want to be involved with their families and help out. It's equally fine if you don't.

I think using family can be very tricky and you’re lucky if it goes well. My parents did 1 day a week for 6 months. They then realised this was too much for them and had to tell us they didn’t want to do it anymore, which I think was really hard for them to admit and accept. Five days a week seems insane to me, you’d need to know the grandparent can communicate if it was too much for them and what the back up plan would be. Nurseries near me you need to apply to atleast a year in advance.
I also think it’s very tricky if the grandparent rightfully needs the money from you, especially in the situation that they’re given up a job to do this for you. What if they can’t do the babysitting any more because it’s physically too much, they sadly get ill etc etc. do you still pay them?, as they need that money so how do their finances work and are they dependent on you even if babysitting stops.
I just think there’s lots to think through and consider.

We had weekly childcare from my parents and in laws - o e day a week from each. They offered, we didn't pay and they would have both been quite insulted to be given money to look after their own grandchildren TBH. Maybe different for those who do 5 days a week 😯