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Original poster

Son currently in A&E majors and DD getting married tomorrow.

33 replies

triballeader · 19/09/2025 10:52

My eldest daughter is getting married tomorrow. So far three close family members have had to cancel as they are too ill to travel.

Eldest son called me at 4am to let me know NHS direct was sending him an ambulance after he spoke with them as he could not sleep and felt very unwell and in a lot of pain. (Slight panic on my part as he has had sepsis and been very unwell before)
Paramedics took one look at him and carted him off to A&E. Triage took one look and moved him straight to majors as his infection markers are through the roof. He is pleading the Drs try and work something magical so he can somehow get to his sisters wedding tomorrow. I am stuck at home holding my phone.

I have not called his sister to let her know yet and tbh it’s not a call I want to have to do. Decided I will wait till midday and fine out if the Drs want to use I/v antibiotics or if he can get a few hours pass on major oral anti/bs for the actual wedding itself minus the party. His partner is gutted as she is travelling over to his this evening to come to the wedding.

The waiting on a day I had hoped would be a happy prep one has yet again nose dived somewhat. Stuff getting nails done.Wish my mum was here, she would take my back when life got like this. All I can think of is my daughter is going to be so sad if he cannot come.

OP posts:
canyon2000 · 19/09/2025 10:54

How worrying for you all. I hope he manages to make it to some of the wedding💐

OhNoNotSusan · 19/09/2025 10:55

hope it goes well and he recovers
your dd will be ok

hidog · 19/09/2025 10:55

Emm, I’m sure your daughter will be mostly concerned about the welfare of her brother? Like maybe a small background portion of her will be “why me” but likely she’ll predominantly be thinking “I hope my brother will pull through”.

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General health
Owly11 · 19/09/2025 11:04

You may be projecting onto your daughter a bit? It’s you that is feeling very upset that your son won’t be there. I hope your son gets well soon and that your daughter has a great day.

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 19/09/2025 11:11

Cant he attend via iPad? Just connect the call and prop it on a chair for him to watch and be part of.

theresbeautyinwindysun · 19/09/2025 11:13

I know a wedding is a big deal, but not in comparison to him being so unwell. He should be in hospital being cared for! He is not well enough to go to a wedding.

Mama1980 · 19/09/2025 11:14

How scary. I really hope your son is ok, I’d maybe think about giving your dd a heads up sooner rather than later - she might want to speak to her brother and reassure him. It might ease his mind a bit.

Motnight · 19/09/2025 11:15

Op, let's back track a little. All that really matters is your son's health here. That's it.

catlovingdoctor · 19/09/2025 11:15

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 19/09/2025 11:11

Cant he attend via iPad? Just connect the call and prop it on a chair for him to watch and be part of.

Personally, if I were feeling unwell enough to be in hospital I wouldn't want the other wedding guests being able to see me remotely. I'd feel really undignified.

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 19/09/2025 11:16

catlovingdoctor · 19/09/2025 11:15

Personally, if I were feeling unwell enough to be in hospital I wouldn't want the other wedding guests being able to see me remotely. I'd feel really undignified.

Show quote history

Each person is different. I think it’s worth OP suggesting it to her son, he might be fine and even like the idea.

NCforpictures · 19/09/2025 11:25

I've name changed for this because it's very specific, but I am under investigation for a heart condition. I had to cancel my summer holiday and have been quite unwell, I have had a multitude of tests but no formal diagnosis yet although some of the scariest things have been ruled out. I was just feeling a little better and thinking about being able to go to my brother's wedding which is abroad this weekend. Then a week ago I broke my foot and my GP said they didn't think it was advisable to fly because of my heart.
My brother wasn't sad I wouldn't be there, he was worried about his sister's health. Please don't indicate to your son he should take oral antibiotics and go to the wedding, his health is more important than a wedding day. It would be much worse if he came and it set him back how would your daughter feel then?

LittleYellowQueen · 19/09/2025 12:20

It's bad timing but... Your son is seriously ill.

Roosch · 19/09/2025 12:44

Gosh - that’s quite bad.
Why are you stuck at home, shouldn’t you be making your way to hospital to be with your son?

Wedding pales in comparison to your son being critically ill?

I hope he pulls through.

Original poster
triballeader · 19/09/2025 13:12

I am at home because DS is an adult with vulnerabilities. It was his sister who found him last time, got him to hospital and clinically argues with the triage staff that he did have sepsis and needed to put on the sepsis pathway urgently or she would make a professional complaint. He does have a hospital passport and chooses to sort out what he can for himself with support from the nurses. I have worked to ensure I only get called in if nursing staff really need me as I will not live forever.

Owly his DS is his medical LPA and is the one who goes in and fights his corner with the NHS by their joint mutual agreement. She works in HDU with complex trauma. Both are adults. it was his sister at the rehearsal last night who stated she wanted him there to share her and her soon to be husbands day with them , having to tell her with less than a days notice it probably is not happening is not a place I want to be in.

DS is waiting to be seen by surgeons to decide what to do in his (somewhat medically complex) case. DS is trying to get as much detail as he can as he knows his DS will become the Spanish Inquisition once she finds out where he is and is very likely to turn up to ensure Drs are across all his test results. TBH she might head there in her wedding dress between the service and the reception. The hospital is within minutes of said reception.

My Plan B is to arrange for someone techie to use their phone and video call DS with the actual wedding. If he needs surgery Plan C is for same techie to record wedding for DS.

The timing of all this that really sucks and makes me go ugh, not the fact I have a sick adult son and a DD about to wed.

OP posts:
Mossssy · 19/09/2025 13:17

I'm really sorry OP.
Just a practical idea - might be worth finding out now about live streaming. Since covid, many churches have facilities to livestream or Zoom their services so they might be able to do this for your DS to watch it better. I imagine many registry offices might also offer this.

Whateverwillwedonow · 19/09/2025 13:18

triballeader · 19/09/2025 13:12

I am at home because DS is an adult with vulnerabilities. It was his sister who found him last time, got him to hospital and clinically argues with the triage staff that he did have sepsis and needed to put on the sepsis pathway urgently or she would make a professional complaint. He does have a hospital passport and chooses to sort out what he can for himself with support from the nurses. I have worked to ensure I only get called in if nursing staff really need me as I will not live forever.

Owly his DS is his medical LPA and is the one who goes in and fights his corner with the NHS by their joint mutual agreement. She works in HDU with complex trauma. Both are adults. it was his sister at the rehearsal last night who stated she wanted him there to share her and her soon to be husbands day with them , having to tell her with less than a days notice it probably is not happening is not a place I want to be in.

DS is waiting to be seen by surgeons to decide what to do in his (somewhat medically complex) case. DS is trying to get as much detail as he can as he knows his DS will become the Spanish Inquisition once she finds out where he is and is very likely to turn up to ensure Drs are across all his test results. TBH she might head there in her wedding dress between the service and the reception. The hospital is within minutes of said reception.

My Plan B is to arrange for someone techie to use their phone and video call DS with the actual wedding. If he needs surgery Plan C is for same techie to record wedding for DS.

The timing of all this that really sucks and makes me go ugh, not the fact I have a sick adult son and a DD about to wed.

I can’t think of anything that would stop me wanting to be there for him, even if it was just to keep his spirits up.

WetHair · 19/09/2025 13:31

I don’t want to sound judgemental, but it seems to me that your daughter’s possible reaction of rushing to his side even if it’s in her wedding dress is a more understandable one than yours of worrying that it’ll ruin her big day and wanting your son out of hospital on antibiotics even if it makes his serious condition worse. Priorities?

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 19/09/2025 13:38

If your daughter is old and mature enough to get married, she will understand that her brother's health trumps her being a princess for the day.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/09/2025 13:44

Some harsh responses. I can understand why you are disappointed that so many people are ill not least your son and your daughter won't have the people around her that she would have wished for. But it is more important that they are there for the marriage rather than the wedding. Perhaps plan a small gathering prior to Christmas for her?

In the meantime, things are in hand with your son and his partner has got this. It's very straightforward for someone in the front row to stream the wedding to him in hospital. Been there with my terminally ill Dad. You can prompt your daughter to give him a wave at a suitable point and if it's a religious ceremony you could have someone pray for him/ill relatives who couldn't attend as part of it. There's usually a moment of reflection in most ceremonies.

Go and tell your daughter, better now than blindsiding her tomorrow morning. She'll have time to give him a call and check in on him and reassure herself.

Calliopespa · 19/09/2025 13:49

Mama1980 · 19/09/2025 11:14

How scary. I really hope your son is ok, I’d maybe think about giving your dd a heads up sooner rather than later - she might want to speak to her brother and reassure him. It might ease his mind a bit.

Yes op do this.

Your DS needs to be in hospital and it sounds to me as though your DD will know this.

If she goes between church and reception, so what?

Weddings are a celebration of love, and you all have that for each other. Your DD knows that; she will know he isn't in hospital on purpose.

Record the wedding, leave DS being cared for, tell him to relax and get well. and go and celebrate with your DD.

I'm sorry for the worry, but work through this together and you will have a memory of exactly what weddings should be about: For better or for worse.

Original poster
triballeader · 19/09/2025 13:51

DS is not at home to Mr Reasonable as paramedics forgot to take his psych meds and he running on empty for them. There is a reason he gets the supported housing he has. Only when you have lived with years of being on the receiving end of paranoid MH crisis and extremely challenging behaviour that involves police and all do you really have an idea of why someone has not just dropped everything, this is a fully grown adult not a child.

DD is now informed and will pop over to his flat to sort out the current correct drugs and leave them ready for collection. She is calling hospital with her professional details and is trying to arrange for her and her medic friends to manage any meds including I/v meds at her wedding. The girl really knows what she is medically asking for and doing as her reception will have more hospital Drs there than they will have in the nearby A&E.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 19/09/2025 14:02

triballeader · 19/09/2025 13:51

DS is not at home to Mr Reasonable as paramedics forgot to take his psych meds and he running on empty for them. There is a reason he gets the supported housing he has. Only when you have lived with years of being on the receiving end of paranoid MH crisis and extremely challenging behaviour that involves police and all do you really have an idea of why someone has not just dropped everything, this is a fully grown adult not a child.

DD is now informed and will pop over to his flat to sort out the current correct drugs and leave them ready for collection. She is calling hospital with her professional details and is trying to arrange for her and her medic friends to manage any meds including I/v meds at her wedding. The girl really knows what she is medically asking for and doing as her reception will have more hospital Drs there than they will have in the nearby A&E.

I'm glad you told her OP.

The more you tell me, the more it seems that was the right course for both her and her DB.

She sounds amazing: give her big congratulations for a happy day from a random on the internet!

runningonberocca · 19/09/2025 14:03

The priority is your son’s health. If he takes a chance on oral antibiotics to go to the wedding and then deteriorates his sister will never forgive herself . If she works in HDU she will fully understand that he needs to be in hospital. Yes - it’s disappointing that he can’t be there but her main focus at the wedding should be her and her husband .
How far is the hospital from the venue? Would she be able to visit him in her dress?
I work in the NHS and I have seen wedding parties visit poorly relatives reasonably regularly. Or he could stream the wedding? I had to stream my nephews wedding and it was so lovely to be able to see it even though I couldn’t make it.
Hope that your son is feeling a lot better soon and that your daughter has a wonderful wedding day. And I really feel for you having to juggle all of this

runningonberocca · 19/09/2025 14:05

Have just seen your update - glad you spoke to your daughter. She sounds like she is managing this amazingly. Hope all works out well

Roosch · 19/09/2025 14:11

Thanks for the update - I’m still not sure why you are choosing to stay at home rather than go to hospital?