If you have grown up children, what do you wish you had taught them?

[tryingtomakesenseof]

Currently parenting two school aged children and I sometimes wonder if I’m doing “enough”!

I would say at some point in the teen years. I started earning money at 16 so maybe a bit before then?

I would also say it can also depend how they get on with maths. I hated maths at school and it may have been better to understand some of it with real life situations.

I also remember signing up for my student bank account with overdraft and for my student loan and having no bloody idea about interest, debt etc.

One of my friends used to do loads of sports as a teenager and her dad would drive her all over the country for it. Now as an adult with aged parents she says she has fond memories of those trips because it was such a lot of time just her and her dad. My kids are school age and the comments from my friend have really changed the way I think about being mum taxi.

I have adult children now

things I’m proud of in them

1. amazing work ethic
2. positive attitude
3. non whiners (a just get on with it attitude)
4. inquisitive about life and love to travel and experience new things

things I wish they had done/I had done

1. neither learned to drive - they started and then Covid hit and now they are both in full time work and the incentive isn’t there
2. I wish we had dealt with ds’s school more firmly and quickly when he was having trouble - I think it scarred him for life and I really regret it looking back on it. School fobbed us off and we should have been stronger
3. I regret the impact of my divorce on them both though dd now tells me she could see exh was making me unhappy
4. I’m so pleased we got ds into all sorts of sports as he still plays football and cricket now and it’s a proper outlet for him

My main thing really was dealing with school. I sometimes wince reading threads on here where kids are unhappy or being bullied and the responses are to let them sort it out themselves or to leave it to the school as if they will magically do something about it. My experience is that they don’t, even if they tell you that they do!

TheaBrandt1

Worst thing is forcing them to do stupid activities they don’t enjoy. Forcing the violin on dd1 is my biggest parenting regret.

Did she keep it up for any length of time? A lot of people I know who hated music lessons now as an adult uses them from time to time (I ditched piano too early and regret it now)

I wish I’d made them get their hands a bit more dirty, there’s very much a ‘I can’t touch that’ attitude when tough things come up, whereas I look at my brother who was always made muck in and help fix things/ clean floors etc and if something breaks now and it can be fixed by him in that moment he’ll do it, on the other hand he’ll ring a professional if he needs help, something dh would not do!

immensely proud of our two but the one thing we forgot to teach them is that you need a job that makes a lot of money not one where you are doing good.

Best thing you can do now they’re little is plant the seeds on the values you’d like them to have. Then water those seeds every day with example.

To be kind
To be respectful to you and others
To find joy in everyday small things (a walk in nature, baking homemade cookies,etc)
To work for what they want (give them too much and they’ll always expect it)
To look after their bodies and mind (eat healthy, be active, don’t waste your life on screens)

No. She never enjoyed the violin now at 19 has zero interest and likely never will. She has other interests. Honestly sooooo regret that I used to get so strict and cross about the lessons and practise. Awful futile and relationship damaging

I insisted my kids learned music for pleasure (I'd pulled them out of ballet because of exams too) The secondary school music dept were horrified when I objected to exams so I had to withdraw them from the school music lessons (even though I was paying they were insisting on exams).
I found them an amazing teacher who taught them tunes they loved - she was into musical theatre so they'd often be playing, singing and laughing. They had enough exams in their lives - music should be a pleasure.

Lots of kids were forced to go to Scouts too - the leaders used to feel so sorry for the poor kids who really didn't want to be there.

Teach me, how do you do that?

😂

Don't cut into the root end!

something like this

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tCnSdrC52e8

The main things my parents taught me were to have a good a work ethic, and inadvertently they taught me to not chase happiness. You can't be happy all the time. Instead I look for a clear conscience and peace of mind.

Confidence, I always focused on all the other things to get through life. Much of which can be learned at any age. However confidence is something that is better gained when young as it develops with age and has so many benefits in life.

Thankyou il try this later 😁

I’ve tried to teach them what they need. Both can cook, do laundry, check the oil on a car, swim. Both know how to be confident, resilient and happy (it’s a skill!). Both can make friends, have social skills and interview well.
DS never quite learned study skills and work ethic despite my best efforts (any tips welcome!)
DD, who is naturally very shy, has overcome her shyness in all circumstances except making official phone calls and entering her first uni lecture alone- these require moral support via text!!
it remains to be seen how they apply budgeting knowledge in the real world, but at least DS talks through any financial decision he’s unsure of with me! Actually, both do always call if they’re unsure in any situation so I guess they’re still learning.

Good solid advice, although I think 1 and 6 are possibly income (even class) dependent. Our weekend jobs didn't cover the cost of driving lessons and there's no way my mum could have paid for us to learn. However we were extremely confident in using public transport, planning journeys, and travelling safely from our mid-teens onwards. Independence and responsibility.

Languages; I failed French at school, dropped German and never went back to them up as an adult.
I wish I’d realised and encouraged my children gain some fluency especially given the current U.K job market.

Youngest is now living in Europe and making a late start

I'm not sure how far that would get them - ds got a B in A Level French and he had a tutor for 4 years - he still couldn't have a conversation with a French Vet to book an appt - I came to the conclusion that you learnt a language when you had to live in a country not at school - school seems an impossible place to learn anything useful!

This one isn't about teaching children, but I'm going to mention it anyway because I've seen so many posts in the WIWIKAU Facebook group saying, "I wish someone had told us earlier." Currently if you live in England, the amount of student maintenance loan your child can get is likely to be nowhere near enough to cover their living expenses at university. The maximum loan a student can get depends on household income, but even in a household where two parents are working full-time on minimum wage, the household income will be way over the threshold for qualifying for the maximum loan. It therefore makes sense to start saving early (ie while your DC are very young) putting away a regular amount each month ready for the university years. Even if it's £10 a month every month, that will be enough to make a difference (though ideally you'd save more).

I agree - this is a shock to most people who think they are anywhere near wealthy enough to start paying towards their child’s living costs at university.