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Why is my 14-year-old son like this?

50 replies

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 21:33

My son has a few quirks and I'm wondering if anyone here can shed some light on why.

He was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, but I think there is something else.

The main issue that is bothering me is how he interacts with me. He invades my personal space a lot, and I'm less tolerant of it as he gets older. For background, he slept in my bed many nights until he was ten (would badger me).

He always sleeps in his own room now, but I can hardly relax when he's here because he wants to 'chill' in my bedroom with me when I go there to relax.

Sometimes during chats, it's hard to bear. He moves limbs, might stick his tongue out and wriggle it, fidgets with nearby objects, flip phone up and down and might stare intently at me during the conversations. It's all way too intense for me as it gives me huge sensory overload.

I've told him not to come in my room, but he won't stop coming in. I redirect him to spending time together in kitchen/ living room, his room, or we go to a cafe or restaurant, but he still does it.

He also does things like tap me on the shoulder if passing me, makes sudden loud, sharp 'bark' noises, stands too close to me and other things that people do to annoy others. He always says he's joking and doesn't mean to upset or annoy me.

Another thing he does is call me by my first name when I ask him not to.

When he was younger, he used to say to me that he was me ( my first name) and would try to get me to confirm this by repeating it back to him ( I didn't, but it was a big phase for him aged around 7- 8.) he has always been clingy and bordering on obsessed with me.

Also, he would solomly (sp?) say my full name, for example, if passing me in the hallway or kitchen. It riles me so I asked him to stop, but he wouldn't.

Even now, he might send me a text or voicemail just saying my name.

He asks for his favourite dish by inserting my name in the middle of the word (e.g. Spag- Chloe-bolognaise) and does the same for lots of things.

So there is that, and lots of trouble at school (three stints at PRUs so far, mainly due to swearing at teachers if he feels backed into a corner.)

Ive explained many times that my bedroom is my personal space, but he doesn't ( or doesn't want to) get it. He insists he means no harm. He stops temporarily if I threaten no pocket money.

Maybe he will grow out of it, I don't know. He has lots of friends he's had for years, several different groups and is popular with them. Mostly great kids.

Has anyone had similar or can shed any light?

OP posts:
Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 21:38

He has been prescribed ADHD medication, but refuses to take it as he doesn't ike how it makes him feel. Also refuses to try an alternative one.

OP posts:
Liteflite · 15/09/2025 21:38

I’m really sorry but he sounds like a very funny wind up merchant and has really made me laugh. Is he not just trying to get your attention / make you laugh?

indoorplantqueen · 15/09/2025 21:43

Some of his ‘quirks’ can be related to ADHD but also possibly autism. It sounds very difficult for you. He sounds like an anxious boy too.

can you have him reviewed at the adhd clinic?

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pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 21:45

I think most of this behaviour is typical adhd and he is dopamine seeking. My
son does lots of things to get a reaction as that gives him a dopamine hit. I don’t have any advice.

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 21:46

He's had reviews a few times, but he doesn't cooperate with the doctors / nurses and won't speak much to them.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 21:50

i have 14 yo twins and they like to be around me, constantly talking at me. On holiday this summer DH was stunned that They were having a conversation and I was totally oblivious - I’ve mastered blocking them out for my own sanity. They weren’t talking to me but talking nonsense. Dh was impressed by my skills. They are particularly cuddly at the moment and I think it’s because they are growing up and trying to cling to childhood/familiar things so I’m there for them. They lay next to me in bed, like physical contact, kisses on the lips. They are very tactile. I don’t think that’s unusual. I wouldn’t tolerate being called my name by them, I’m mum (although recently reverted to mummy when they want more phone data etc).

pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 21:55

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 21:46

He's had reviews a few times, but he doesn't cooperate with the doctors / nurses and won't speak much to them.

I really don’t find the reviews helpful. I feel talked down to and given very basic strategies which doing help the constant daily grind of parenting a child with adhd

Rorys · 15/09/2025 22:00

He just sounds like a cheeky kid with adhd
are you ND? It sounds like it’s winding you up a lot, as you say you’re getting sensory overload, I think your boundaries or ideas sound a bit rigid. I’m not diagnosing you or anything but obviously it’s often hereditary and I wonder if he’s just (understandably) triggering you a bit!

I don’t think it’s typical to ban children from rooms in the house, or to describe them as always been obsessed with you - it’s your child they’re meant to be!

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 22:04

It's got to the stage where I will go out for a walk to get some space from him as my body is often reacting to threat (fight or flight) after a morning with him. I wish I could stop it, but I can't. I do yoga, medication, bodywork, but I haven't reached the stage where it doesn't bother me anymore.

His father was abusive, of the DARVO type, and sadly, his older brother was the same. We split when he was three.

OP posts:
Abominableday · 15/09/2025 22:11

Put a lock on your bedroom door - a bolt on the inside is easy to install.
At his age he should really engage with medication - he can't keep bouncing from PRU to PRU.

Springadorable · 15/09/2025 22:18

Are you also ND? I find the idea of sitting in my room alone when my son is awake a bit odd - how much time do you spend hiding from him? Sounds like he just wants your attention.

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 15/09/2025 22:19

Might be just me but I don't think it is normal to be taking yourself off to your bedroom when it isn't bedtime. That is what children do. Relax in the living room and at least be present so he won't need to be so attention seeking.
The first name thing is disrespectful though and he needs reprimanding for that.

Lennon80 · 15/09/2025 22:25

He sounds a hoot - annoying but fun! I have an adhd teen and he’s calmed down loads since puberty hit - he was peak adhd at 8-13. Your boy wants connection with you he’s probably bored.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/09/2025 22:30

My dd is adhd. She’s 19. Always wants to be with one of us. Hates been on her own. Often oversteps boundaries without realising.

But that’s what adhd can do.

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 22:37

I'm not ND. His father has ADHD.

Sometimes I have to get away from his hyperactivity because it's a bit extreme, so I go to my room to read or meditate, but get interrupted and feel chased. As I said, I wish I didn't.

OP posts:
TheLivelyViper · 15/09/2025 22:41

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 21:46

He's had reviews a few times, but he doesn't cooperate with the doctors / nurses and won't speak much to them.

Is he in a PRU now? Are they good with SEN etc? On the meds I'd tell him it's something else and then get him to take it, it's not ideal but honestly the nocebo effect is a thing and it will likely help him a lot. Perhaps start with the alternative one, if it's a capsule or something tell him it's paracetamol maybe. Or crush into a drink which is thick like a smoothie and make him drink that. I'm not a fan of deception but I think it might work this time.

Has he tried any therapies? Something like play or art therapy could be good, maybe find someone who does DBT but through play or art. I think that could help him with emotional regulation and also understanding others emotions like you wanting personal space etc.

It's really hard parenting especially as he has additional needs, make sure you have a good support system, try and make time for yourself, even if it's a sport you like or pilates classes, or art anything really where it's just you. It can help a lot and means you don't feel so trapped. I'd also look into to getting yourself therapy just having your own space to process everything, including the stress of parenting but anything else as well, it may he useful to you as you sound like you need your own space.

Abominableday · 15/09/2025 22:42

People are saying about ND OP as you mentioned having huge sensory overload

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 22:46

You don't think it's normal to have sensory overload as a single parent of a child with moderate to severe ADHD?

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 15/09/2025 22:48

It's a hard one as I'd never usually suggest locking yourself away from your kids but as he's 14 and so old enough to understand, can you lock your door after saying right I'm going to my room now for a chill, if you really need something come get me but otherwise this is my calm time. Like I say usually wouldn't ever suggest it but sounds like he needs some actual boundaries in that regard to understand its your space and your room, even just having a lock on the door might be useful to show him and say look, if I ask you not to come in and you do I shall have to lock the door, I'd rather not lock it so please listen to my reasonable request. We lock loo doors so not that different in a sense.

And just don't respond in any way if he calls you anything other than mum or whichever version of mum you use. Does just sound like you're touched out and he finds happiness in being close to you but he's old enough to start learning boundaries and learning that mum is also a person with her own wishes and needs and that needs to be respected.

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 22:55

He's not in a PRU at the moment. He's on a managed move in mainstream. He has a mentor at the school and they do boxing together. He seems to be engaging.

His emotional regulation isn't good. He has lost his temper several times at home and broken things. This is frightening for me as he is getting bigger and stronger.

At the moment, he's ok in school, but from experience, doesn't last long.

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 15/09/2025 23:01

You haven’t got to the bottom of what’s going on here. My guess is ADHD is one (small) facet of his difficulties. I’d push back hard to CAMHS, and assuming he has an EHCP, get a social care review and ask the assigned social worker to push the CAMHS/psych referral too.
As his carer you have the right to your own carer’s assessment, and the SW can initiate this too so that you get some support.

Anyone thinking you’re a bit odd/mean for wanting to escape this for a while, needs to sit down and button it. They don’t have a clue.

TheaBrandt1 · 15/09/2025 23:05

Can’t believe the weird posters saying this sounds like fun 🙄. Wtaf sounds bloody awful.

Yellowhollyhocks · 15/09/2025 23:08

Thank you. It feels awful when it's in full swing, certainly not funny for me as I feel trapped, cornered and overwhelmed.

He does go out a lot with friends and I go out myself, so there are breaks.

OP posts:
HonoriaBulstrode · 15/09/2025 23:10

I’m really sorry but he sounds like a very funny wind up merchant and has really made me laugh. Is he not just trying to get your attention / make you laugh?

But OP isn't laughing. It's only funny if everyone is laughing. And ADHD or not, he's reaching an age where he needs to understand that 'no, stop it' means he needs to stop it.

saltnpepperchips · 15/09/2025 23:11

I wonder if some of it is just dopamine seeking when he’s bored? It sounds very full on and I can completely understand you feeling overwhelmed, especially as a single parent. My child doesn’t have any additional needs and I still cherish my time in the evenings so i would really struggle being followed around the house like that or being stared at intensely. Not sure what the answer is really other than to try and find ways to carve out some quiet time for yourself even if that looks like taking an annual leave day while he’s at school or getting up before he does on a weekend for a quiet coffee, sending solidarity x

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