Is this a typical 8YO girl?

[Formerdarkhorse]

DD is 8 (year 3) and over last few months has moved more to being a tween than a child. She wants more fashionable clothes and enjoys picking her own clothes when shopping/choosing outfits each day. Enjoys current music, making up ‘TikTok’ dances although she has definitely never used the app or any social media. Likes lipgloss, body sprays/perfumes at the weekend and occasionally requests her hair straightened if doing something like a party/dinner out. She does still play with toys and reads primarily, she also has lots of sports/hobbies and is very studious about school. She does have some YouTube/screen time, however she doesn’t have a huge amount of time to watch it and tends to self-regulate her usage anyway.

Is this typical for her age?
I had always presumed so, and whilst I’d love her to be little forever, I always try to let her become her own person. She does naturally tend to gravitate towards slightly older children to play (9/10).

I am asking as I have received some ongoing judgey comments from one of her friend’s mums, saying she is too old for her age, ‘where does she pick this up?’ and suggesting I am very permissive. I now get the impression this parent is discouraging the friendship on that basis.
Am I wildly off base in letting DD have these interests and grow up a little?

Sounds very normal

Seems quite young to me.

I don’t think that’s typical for an 8 year old but I do think it’s within the range of normal, especially if she has friends with older siblings or older friends with access to social media. I’d let her explore her interests with limits but remember how young she is too.

OP just double check what she is watching on YouTube and make sure you have the settings on. That is quite young in my experience.

Yes probably should have added but worried I was waffling too much- YouTube is monitored, settings are on, she generally watches it in same room with me and I periodically check through the history- her viewing is mostly related to her hobbies. Definitely no social media, and the older friends don’t have it either but have obviously picked up some terms like ‘TikTok dances’. YT is also a very small fraction of her already limited screen time and isn’t a very online child.

Very normal

I think that 8 is on the younger side for those things, particularly the body spray/ perfume and hair straightening, though it would be more typical if she has older siblings. I would be concerned about the TikTok aspect as that suggests your DD is watching TikTok videos somewhere, which suggests a lack of parental supervision of screens (I appreciate you say this isn’t the case). To be completely honest, in that situation I would be cautious about my DD spending time with your DD as I’d be concerned about exposure to something unsuitable online.

However, I suspect people’s views on this depend on the peer group/ school culture around them. My DD and my niece are both 10 and just started Year 6, but my niece has had a phone for a couple of years (with few if any screen time restrictions), is in WhatsApp groups with her friends, and seems more mature in some ways with more teenage interests. From what her parents say this is normal for her friends and classmates. DD’s classmates are quite different with very few of them having smartphones and come across as ‘younger’ in outlook than my niece. But we both think our DDs are normal for their age and peer group.

Normal.

Yes I’d say that’s normal tween behaviour - 8 is on the young side of normal - IMO tween is 8-12 really. And girls tend to get there quicker don’t they. DS is in year 3 and the girls and still quite little but by year 4 they’ll be very tweeny!

My daughter is 9. Your 8 yo sounds completely normal to me

Sounds normal as in it’s normal for your daughter and nobody else’s business really.
other mum is quite within her rights to have an opinion but not within them to passive aggressively share them with you. She’s at risk of being controlling and trying to baby her kid for too long.
reality is you’re likely both doing a good job of parenting your own kids how you want to, not an issue

Sounds normal as in it’s normal for your daughter and nobody else’s business really.
other mum is quite within her rights to have an opinion but not within them to passive aggressively share them with you. She’s at risk of being controlling and trying to baby her kid for too long.
reality is you’re likely both doing a good job of parenting your own kids how you want to, not an issue

Mines 9 and been like this for a a year ish, her friends have older teen sisters and they copy them and my daughter then copies her friends.
Like your daughter she still plays with toys/reads/does art and crafts/goes to the park.

I think she’s watching this stuff somewhere but I’m also not sure you could do much to stop her. As soon as anyone has access to a phone or internet etc then they all do really.

My daughter is actually atypically not into any of this - even now at 12. But some of the girls in her class were definitely much more like this at that age. Usually the ones with older sister or cousins.

No reason for the other mother to judge you but equally no reason for her child to spend time with yours if she doesn’t want them to for any reason anyway. I’d just stop listening to her comments and encourage other friendships.

Mine copies things from TV/movies (such as descendants/zombies) as she doesn’t have Youtube or Tiktok.

On the young side of “normal” I would say. I would keep a very close eye on the tick tok videos, and watch out for obsessing about her looks, using beauty products etc… it’s a bit of a shame 8 year olds feel the need to be getting into all of that.

When TikTok was first mentioned I did probe where she was getting this from, she definitely can’t see it on any of our devices and the kids she spends time with out of school don’t have them either. It seems to come from the playground that they call making up dances at break time as ‘TikTok dancing’.
From a tech perspective, both DH and I are professionally well versed in how to control it so everything is locked down and we encourage responsible usage rather than outright banning where possible.

I think the mother has latched on to this mention of TikTok and presumed we give free rein.

For the record she categorically doesn’t have TikTok. She has limited access to YouTube and mainly watches people making clothes/jewellery/crafts, toca poca and tween makeup videos where they recreate looks from movies like descendants/k pop demon hunters. From what I watch with her creators reference ‘follow me on Instagram/Tiktok’ etc. so the terminology is probably picked up there. That’s not to say she has never accessed stuff she hasn’t, but it wouldn’t be on an ongoing basis.

The mum’s judgement is not my concern, as PP mentioned we do parent noticeably differently and I find the friendship minorly problematic in other ways. It was only because she has made a series of comments that I questioned if this was out of range.

No skincare or anything like that, she doesn’t really think about looks more just about liking glittery things, spritzing and different hairstyles. She mentioned some other girls talking about skincare and said that was silly.

I have a 10 year old, she’s been like this for a couple of years, as such she’s received smellies and kids make up sets as gifts for Christmas etc. Loves clothes and accessories. She watches age appropriate stuff on YT, doesn’t have or watch TikTok but I think some of her friends with older siblings do so she knows about it.

She’s now starting to think about her skin care routine which is ridiculous as her skin is perfect but I’ve let her pick out a moisturiser and a face wash, nothing fancy or with overly complex ingredients, and she loves looking round Sephora.

So yeah, your 8 year old seems normal to me. My 10 year old still has other interests-swimming, gymnastics, drama but she just also loves this stuff. If l look back, I think I was the same.

Give her a couple of years, she’ll be on to the skin care stuff!

Thanks all, I’m reassured I haven’t spawned a precocious monster and I’ll continue to keep a close eye on what she consumes. My concern was regarding if this was in the range of typical behaviour, I don’t mind what the other mum thinks as such it was more that it had been mentioned a few times which made me think about it a bit more.

It’s sounds young to me I’m afraid for being concerned about her appearance in such a way, but you are where you are. What do you mean she self regulates her screen use? And to be honest if she is watching YouTube she is watching TikTok videos via that.

I think it’s really young tbh, at 8yo they’re still young children and there’s no way I’d of bought my 8yo lip gloss, body sprays or encouraged straightening her hair.

She’s got plenty of time for all that in a few years time.

I meant I don’t need to issue strict screen limits as she doesn’t get hooked on it or watch it excessively. Maybe watches it for 30 mins here and there. I have the necessary controls in place and maintain oversight.
She is not particularly concerned with her looks, just likes getting her hair styled different ways or putting on some lipgloss for birthday parties/when we go out do dinner/that type of thing. Day to day she is mainly playing sports or practising her other hobbies where looks aren’t even a consideration.