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Original poster

Shocked at partners rage!!?? AIBU

45 replies

diandee · 13/09/2025 10:17

This morning, everything was fine.
He was going out and I was stood with my gone cold coffee in my dressing gown and he went to kiss/ hug me goodbye and it nudged my hand and my drink slightly spilled on the side of his top honestly wasn’t bad at all. I said sorry didn’t mean to.

he was furious!!! I said it will dry n it will come out etc.
he’s gone out in a vile vile mood sending me endless texts that I don’t respect him or his things? And that he takes pride in his appearance and I’ve completely destroyed his day and his mood???
he said he’ll throw coffee on me n see how I like it???
I did not chuck my drink on him.
im so upset. The abuse im getting from this is just crazy.

what do I do?

OP posts:
BadAmbassador · 13/09/2025 10:20

Wow he’s been storing up some resentment hasn’t he? Is he usually like this? I’d be ignoring all of those ridiculous messages and repeating just once that it was an accident caused by him hugging you and you’re sorry about his shirt. Then silence.

Hopefully he’ll realise what an arse he’s being and apologise.

ObtuseMoose · 13/09/2025 10:20

Lock the doors and don't let him back in, this situation will not get better. Angry men just get angrier.

Rightandwrong · 13/09/2025 10:24

Oh my goodness OP. That is such an ott reaction to an accident that was partly of his making - surely he must have seen you were holding a coffee cup?

I think you need to take his behaviour very seriously OP as it is spotlighting a dangerously angry man.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
diandee · 13/09/2025 10:24

Yes he does often lose it over nothing. He’s told me if it was a bloke he’d of “chinned them”

OP posts:
QueenClinomania · 13/09/2025 10:25

diandee · 13/09/2025 10:24

Yes he does often lose it over nothing. He’s told me if it was a bloke he’d of “chinned them”

Don't wait around for him to escalate to hitting you.

He will.

Gingercar · 13/09/2025 10:28

diandee · 13/09/2025 10:24

Yes he does often lose it over nothing. He’s told me if it was a bloke he’d of “chinned them”

What a rubbish man you’ve picked. Move on. Who wants this in their life??

Tell him, if you feel safe enough to-
a) he nudged you, so even though you apologised it wasn’t your fault.
b) his reaction is over the top and he needs to look into anger management.

AutumnFroglets · 13/09/2025 10:29

You are in an abusive relationship OP. Please call Women's Aid, Refuge or your GP/counselling to work through it all so you can leave safely. It sounds as though he is escalating which is a dangerous time for you.

Read up about emotional/mental abuse. And take care Flowers

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/09/2025 10:30

How long have you been together? Do you live together?

Permittedperson · 13/09/2025 10:31

If you live together, leave or ask him to.

If you don’t, dump his arse and set his stuff in black bags on the front step and change the locks.

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/09/2025 10:32

Jeezo, that is one angry man. I think you need to leave op (or he does, depending on the living arrangements). This is going to escalate.

DoRayMeMeMe · 13/09/2025 10:33

Well he obviously values that shirt and his appearance way more than he values either you or the relationship.

Having lived with an angry man, that exchange would be the end for me.
In fact, it would have been over the first time he lost it over nothing.

How easy will it be to get rid of him?

Lightuptheroom · 13/09/2025 10:38

You need to be away from this man, what starts as angry outbursts very quickly turns into throwing things at you and then seeking to hurt you physically, been there, done that. Even more important to get out if you have children. Get all your personal documents together (birth certificate, passport, marriage certificate etc) and keep them on your person. If you drive then keep your car keys on you at all times. Think where you can go if you need a place of safety. Make sure that you have your own money (not everything in a joint account) and don't start telling yourself that it's your fault that you spilt the coffee etc. If he's already telling you that he would hit you if you were a man then you are in danger.

MsPavlichenko · 13/09/2025 10:38

Leave him. It’s abuse, and just the beginning of it. It won’t get better, you’ll just learn to accept it. Apologies won’t cut it either.

Gladysknightjustwalkinmyshoes · 13/09/2025 10:39

If he's out drinking today,how safe are you when he comes back?

Kpo58 · 13/09/2025 10:39

Run.

Standing on eggshells isn't a good relationship.

itsgettingweird · 13/09/2025 10:43

Well he needs to stay out forever then doesn’t he?

life’s too short to stay with abusive men who may escalate their behaviour in future and use threats to keep you in your place.

rainbowstardrops · 13/09/2025 10:44

Blimey, imagine how he’d react if something serious happened!
How long have you been with him and what’s the living arrangement?
Oh and probably irrelevant but where is he going for his day out? I’d be tempted to tell him to stay there.

Thundertoast · 13/09/2025 10:45

diandee · 13/09/2025 10:24

Yes he does often lose it over nothing. He’s told me if it was a bloke he’d of “chinned them”

Okay - so why do you think you are attracted to someone who loses their temper over little things? Why do you think that you didn't run at the first sign of him being unable to control himself? What was your upbringing like?

BrassyPalm · 13/09/2025 10:47

Op why do you value yourself so little to stay with someone like this?
You deserve better.

Lilywisp · 13/09/2025 10:48

You could be relating any one of a number of episodes from life with my ex, I’d happen to smile and he’d had a bad day of work and he’d get angry, I fell and needed to be driven to the clinic for an X-ray and he was angry because he’d been inconvenienced, I needed two operations and having to visit me in hospital and provide a little aftercare made him angry and resentful despite the fact I’d supported him through debt issues…I won’t go on as I’m sure you get the idea…it won’t get any better trust me.

ByAgileLemonPoet · 13/09/2025 11:15

Please read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. Explains it all.

CabbageWater · 13/09/2025 11:18

diandee · 13/09/2025 10:24

Yes he does often lose it over nothing. He’s told me if it was a bloke he’d of “chinned them”

Threats of violence because he pushed your hand and spilled coffee on himself?!?!?! Wtaf!

PrivateMusic · 13/09/2025 11:20

He actually sounds quite scary op. Get out before his behaviour undoubtedly escalates.

FortuneFaded · 13/09/2025 11:21

I had an ex who had Intermittent Explosive Disorder, diagnosed by me after the relationship ended but he fits the diagnosis criteria. The slightest of things and boom! He’d be throwing things or punching walls. He never threatened me, otherwise I would’ve ended it sooner. You need to get out of that relationship. The happy times inbetween this behaviour isn’t love, it’s settling. You deserve better.

LetGoLetThem1234 · 13/09/2025 11:37

OP, everyone of the posters on this theead speak of their ex partners with the same types of reaction/behaviour your current partner has exhibited.

Please do likewise an make him part of your past.

However, please be VERY careful. He has a temper, you know this. Breaking up with him isn't going to put him in a good mood is it? Think carefully about your safety.