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Original poster

Husband has lied to doctor and I’m worried

40 replies

worriesaway · 10/09/2025 21:58

Husband is overweight nhs say he’s obese according to his BMI although he is on the lower end of obese. He does an hour or two a week of sports but that’s it his job involves a lot of sitting down. I cook from scratch every night everything is relatively healthy we have one off night a week normally a Friday where we have a fake take away type meal or something less healthy. His issue is his portion sizes and snacks he loves an after dinner treat. I try to limit portions to what is considered normal but he will complain he’s still hungry and eat something else after. If i make extra for leftovers for lunch or to freeze they will most likely be eaten as a second portion. He’s on medication that can cause certain conditions so he has to have regular blood tests. He was told he had high cholesterol which this medication can cause but so can his diet. He was given tablets to lower it but he never took them as he said he’s too young to need them. When he went back to the doctor he was told it was dangerously high and at huge risk for heart attack. He’s finally taken the medication and his cholesterol is much better but he’s now been told he has high levels of fatty liver and pancreas. Doctors suggested he loose some weight and make some life style changes. The doctors have sent a letter discussing his last appointment and on the letter it states he has said he’s making lifestyle changes. He’s made no such changes he’s lied to the doctor he refuses to change anything. I’ve gently spoken to him about it I don’t by any rubbish for him but he will for himself and will put in the trolly if with me snacks ice cream etc. I can’t stop him as he a grown man who needs to make the change for himself. I’m so worried about him I’ve mentioned the worst and how it would effect me and our baby but he won’t change anything. I’ve said I love him regardless of his weight I just want him to be healthier. Has anyone experienced anything similar or got any tips.

OP posts:
Maneattraction · 10/09/2025 22:45

You’ve hit the nail on the head-he needs to make the change himself.
All you can do in the meantime is carry on supporting in the way which you’ve done.
Why doesn’t he want to make any changes? What is the reason he has given for not wanting to change?
Would he be open to using MyFitnessPal to track his calories and activities so that he could visually see where he could improve?
That’s a very frustrating position to be in for you.

SirBasil · 10/09/2025 22:47

Make sure you have good/excellent life insurance for him.

Tell him it's OK if he wants to carry on and die because of the insurance. And that you won't be his carer.

NormaNormal · 10/09/2025 22:49

What @SirBasil posted.

Interested in this thread?

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General health
AdoraBell · 10/09/2025 22:52

Can you go with him to doctors appointment? When he claims to changes that he hasn’t look surprised or roll your eyes. That can help the Dr/nurses to see that the patient isn’t being honest, even if not being with themself.

TalulahJP · 10/09/2025 22:53

Agree with Sir Basil. Get him to write his will and put by £5k fur the funeral so he can have a good send off. That may focus his mind.

Silverpaws · 10/09/2025 22:54

Serve twice as much veg/ wholegrain rice/pasta to fill him up.
Cut out cheese in cooking
Reduce meat
add legumes to every meal to bulk/add nutrients
Buy very dark chocolate for treats
Go out walking together every night for an hour
My husband eats like a pig but walks about 8 miles a day and is 98% vegetarian.
31 inch waist

cinnamonbunlover · 10/09/2025 23:00

Will he try Mounjaro?
losing weight is so so hard. I’m amazed at what’s happened to me in Mounjaro it changed my life. I wish I had had it 10 years ago and I could have had a baby. (NHS ivf lottery)

life is not easy.

Original poster
worriesaway · 11/09/2025 08:43

@cinnamonbunloverhe won’t take mounjaro and he’s lost weight before by going to the gym and eating healthy so it’s possible for him. He has lost of veg with his meals but also meat he won’t eat a meal unless it has meat I tried that and jokingly got accused of trying to starve him. He also dosnt eat cheese. We also have life insurance which is good but when I joked about his health he said you will be ok I have life insurance.

OP posts:
JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 11/09/2025 08:51

The problem with that approach @Silverpaws is that is it basically absolves the DH and puts OP into a parental role. I think the likely outcome is DH sneaking out to the shops for a chocolate bar and a Lucozade.

spoonbillstretford · 11/09/2025 08:54

Just let him get on with it, it's up to him and you can't do anything about it.

5birdsonroof · 11/09/2025 08:55

He is the only one who can change his mindset and act.

Do you have children? They're going to be fatherless if he carries on - would that knowledge shift his thinking?

He probably thinks it's all scaremongering. It's not. I have a very good friend who's now widowed with two children after her morbidly obese husband died of a heart attack.

As others have said, make sure your finances are in order and you have good life insurance for him plus a funeral costs fund.

bluecrochetedplane · 11/09/2025 08:57

Hes lying to the Dr because hes too embarrassed when faced with the facts to admit that he doesn't care enough to change things.

You can't and won't change anything as it has to come from him so you either decide to carry on as you are and watch him eat himself into poor health or you leave.
It's not easy but can be done with organisation and self control but again, it's on him.

mindutopia · 11/09/2025 09:01

You are not his mum. Short of dh being about to keel over for something imminently life threatening, I would not be badgering him to go to the doctor or change his lifestyle. I would certainly express to him my concern and tell him it’s impacting my life and how. But he’s not a 5 year old. He needs to take responsibility for his health and his wellbeing.

Bunnybear42 · 11/09/2025 09:02

My husband (now separated) has a medical condition which causes high risk factors for blood pressure: cholesterol/ heart attacks/ nerve damage etc however despite knowing all this he smokes, drinks and eats crap- don’t get me started on the recent drug issues !! Things are catching up with him now unsurprisingly which was so unnecessary and I find upsetting ..
the only suggestion I would make is perhaps give him a larger portion of lunch and dinner - if you are making such good wholesome food, surely would be better to fill up on that rather than leave the dinner table still hungry and looking for more food? Other suggestion is do you give him dessert ? Fruit and yogurt or a low-fat custard or something would be a better than 1/2 pack of biscuits later on ? Good luck !

Cheese55 · 11/09/2025 09:03

It doesn't matter if the doc/nurse knows he hasn't made lifestyle changes as they are as powerless as you are to get him to . It has to come from him.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 11/09/2025 09:08

Is he depressed? It sounds like he doesn't have the incentive or motivation to change. For most people a baby would do that but if he's depressed he probably doesn't see the point.

MissyB1 · 11/09/2025 09:08

The doctor isn’t daft they will know (or at least suspect). But they can’t force him and neither can you. The lack of respect/care/concern that he’s showing for you and his dc would make me really cross. That’s what I would focus on communicating now, that this issue isn’t just about his health, it’s also about how much he values his marriage and child.

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 11/09/2025 09:10

This would give me a massive ick.
Just say no sex until he sorts himself out and stops acting like a child.

Gardenroomdoom · 11/09/2025 09:13

My dh was like this. He hit a turning point and got into diet and exercise. It has to come from him. Things that did work were me cutting out everything he shouldn't have, making portion sizes smaller so he just couldn't have larger portions, me not buying any 'treats' in the weekly shop.

Anything I said went ignored though. I honestly think the best way is to talk in front of his phone about overweight men and health risks repeatedly until his feed is full of weight loss videos.

Silverpaws · 11/09/2025 09:17

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 11/09/2025 08:51

The problem with that approach @Silverpaws is that is it basically absolves the DH and puts OP into a parental role. I think the likely outcome is DH sneaking out to the shops for a chocolate bar and a Lucozade.

Op asking for advice on what she can do. I gave some.
As a grown adult, it's up to him isn't it?

PermanentTemporary · 11/09/2025 09:21

Not just life insurance - get income protection and critical illness cover that includes stroke and heart attacks. It will cost a LOT of money. If his heart gets really bad he could become unable to work, if he has a bad stroke he could be off work for months or years, with you giving him a huge amount of support.

You don’t mention fags or booze - that’s good news.

It isn’t your job to police his diet and withholding sex as a control is a fast way to end the marriage. Different of course if you have stopped wanting sex with him.

I didn’t go with Vitality for income protection even though it was a lot cheaper because it required you to keep your weight in a certain range. I’d suggest he looks at that, but tbh if he reacts to any sense of external control like this, it’s pointless. One day he will sort it out for himself, and if you’re both lucky it will be before he has a stroke and has to hear the nurses discussing how to get hold of the bariatric hoist so that they can lift him to wipe his arse, not afterwards.

Cheese55 · 11/09/2025 09:24

I think that comment about hoisting is bit disrespectful to those of us who are/ will need to use hoists

PermanentTemporary · 11/09/2025 09:25

My apologies. One of the motivations for me eventually losing weight was wanting to be able to use a normal hoist if I needed one, not the bariatric version. But I accept it was disrespectful.

MoltenLasagne · 11/09/2025 09:33

Putting aside the issue of your husband not addressing his weight, I think you really do need to consider insurance for health related unemployment. It's no good being able to pay off the mortgage if he dies, when the greater likelihood is you have to pay it in your own while supporting him in ill health.

ClaredeBear · 11/09/2025 09:36

I wouldn’t worry about him lying to the GP as they look at evidence and hard facts only. You’re doing what you can but he’s not interested - so all of these suggestions about going to the GP and making changes to his diet probably won’t help and will just give you an additional child to look after. Some people never, ever change, and prefer to see themselves as helpless. It’s interesting that you don’t mention him cooking and I’m wondering what he comes up with when he contributes. I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions as you’ve done everything you could reasonably be expected to do but I would get very busy making sure your little one follows your example, not his.