Husband has lied to doctor and I’m worried

[worriesaway]

Husband is overweight nhs say he’s obese according to his BMI although he is on the lower end of obese. He does an hour or two a week of sports but that’s it his job involves a lot of sitting down. I cook from scratch every night everything is relatively healthy we have one off night a week normally a Friday where we have a fake take away type meal or something less healthy. His issue is his portion sizes and snacks he loves an after dinner treat. I try to limit portions to what is considered normal but he will complain he’s still hungry and eat something else after. If i make extra for leftovers for lunch or to freeze they will most likely be eaten as a second portion. He’s on medication that can cause certain conditions so he has to have regular blood tests. He was told he had high cholesterol which this medication can cause but so can his diet. He was given tablets to lower it but he never took them as he said he’s too young to need them. When he went back to the doctor he was told it was dangerously high and at huge risk for heart attack. He’s finally taken the medication and his cholesterol is much better but he’s now been told he has high levels of fatty liver and pancreas. Doctors suggested he loose some weight and make some life style changes. The doctors have sent a letter discussing his last appointment and on the letter it states he has said he’s making lifestyle changes. He’s made no such changes he’s lied to the doctor he refuses to change anything. I’ve gently spoken to him about it I don’t by any rubbish for him but he will for himself and will put in the trolly if with me snacks ice cream etc. I can’t stop him as he a grown man who needs to make the change for himself. I’m so worried about him I’ve mentioned the worst and how it would effect me and our baby but he won’t change anything. I’ve said I love him regardless of his weight I just want him to be healthier. Has anyone experienced anything similar or got any tips.

Would he try low carb? Lots of protein will make him feel fuller than small portions of protein with lots of veg.

But it has to come from him.

And the doctor isn’t stupid. He will know by his blood results and just by looking at them that he isn’t making any lifestyle changes.

The doctor will know he is lying. He won’t be the first. But agreed with previous posters the change needs to come from him

I agree with what others say about critical illness cover. It’s expensive but can actually be more important than life insurance as he’s more likely to become incapacitated over a longer period, which is really expensive.

Would talking to his mum about my worries help or make it worse

He needs to tackle his mental health. He must have low self esteem. I think what he’s doing is a form of self-harm. After all he is slowly killing himself and not really fussed about preventing an early death. The question is, will he engage? You could spend a massive portion of your life fretting about and cajoling a grown man. Is it worth the effect it’s having on you and your child? I’d seriously consider walking away. Not as a scare tactic. Just because you deserve a happy, content life.

I’d estimate that in around 99% of cases it would make it worse. Though longer term maybe it would have some benefit. You might be surprised at his mum’s reaction - she might tell you he needs to sort it out himself.

I think that your right to be worried about your husband's weight as he has a number of health issues. Your making him good meals but he is eating big portions and it seems he likes sweet things after meals as well. He probably thinks that things are ok and he can take medication. He tell the doctor what he thinks the doctor wants to hear but his test results and weight gain will show he is making no effort.

One of my friends has known a man who I will call John for over 20 years. John has a big build but over this time has gotten bigger going from chubby IE he could do with losing say 2 stone to now being at least 5 stone overweight.
A few years ago my friend said to him John we both need to lose some weight because if we don't at our ages we are going to end up with health issues like diabetes. My friend at the time was over 20 stone and 5 foot 6. John attitude at the time was so what if this happens. He seemed happy to ignore what my friend told him.
My friend went to slimming world and lost weight. Even now she is still in slimming world and is a few pounds off her own personal target. She looks better, has gotten fitter and her health is good.

John now has type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep apnea. He gets sick a lot. He has been in hospital several times due to his blood pressure being so high and feeling rotten when this happens. My friend can see how ignoring his weight and not doing some exercise has effected him. She said that John thought that ignoring his weight and taking medication would be ok. He is now finding out that being overweight for years, doing no exercise and expecting that medication can solve his problems does not work. He has also aged poorly and looks older than his years. He has a young child also and my friend said I can't see him being alive when his child is in their teens.

You need to decide what your going to do in this situation. Ask him what's important to him because from what you see now he does not care about his weight and it not only effecting him but also you and your child. Tell him that you want him around for you both and for this to happen he needs to make some changes and unless he is willing to do this you will have to consider your future in this relationship.

I guess if you want someone to value themselves enough and feel safe enough to be able to ditch the coping mechanisms of overeating then all you can do is continue loving them. He might never be able to do it. (All the talk of life insurance and critical illness - insurance should already be in place anyway).
As coping mechanisms go overeating is one of the least destructive - the only one I can think of off the top of my head that’s less destructive (and actively often viewed as.a positive) is overworking. Any attempt to effect change through shaming (which seems the preferred approach of most pp in this thread) will hugely backfire - which is why doctors try very hard not to do it nowadays. If shaming worked it would be the NHS front line treatment!

Stop mummying him. Drop the rope.

Carry on making the healthy food, not buying the crap, eating and moving well yourself and looking after your own and your child's health.

Set a great example to your child, and accept that sooner or later they'll notice and start asking questions (there's a post trending by a woman whose little girl has started noticing and questioning her weight and health). Have your age appropriate answers ready.

Make sure he does indeed have decent life insurance, what the savings and mortgage situations are, has he made a will etc.

Because realistically you will outlive him and it is entirely in his hands.

I had to inform my DH's sister about my worries and he finally checked his sugar level and it turned out he had a prediabetes. Since then he lost 10kg and put his blood sugar level under control. He went on soup diet. Unfortunately he loves snacking but it's usually nuts, not total rubbish, thankfully. The only thing you could do is not to buy fast food, pre-processed food and snacks, so they're not at home. I wouldn't worry about his comments. He's ill and must lose weight. Just keep repeating that to him until it hits home. Tell his family, too. And be a role model.

He’s burying his head in the sand, which is making him a selfish prick, seeing as he has a baby. Coming from a family of congenital heart conditions, who watched a loved one have a cardiac arrest in their early thirties, it pisses me off when people stick two-fingers up to their cardiac health and plough on down the road to avoidable problems.

"Do you give him dessert?"

Come on, she's not his mother or his carer - she's his wife. He's a grown man and can't make his own decisions. He needs to grow up and realise this is an issue himself.

Give him dessert

If it's the OPs role in this household to do the meal planning, shopping and cooking, then I agree - serving healthier options in sensible portions is her responsibility. There's a balance.

Serve him larger portions of the healthy home made meals you cook, with plenty of fish, chicken, turkey as well as the extra legumes that pp mentioned. Also some nuts and especially seeds. Fill him up with good food and hopefully he won’t need the bad. It will cost more £ but will hopefully be worth it.

If he's still hungry after meals then maybe increase his portion sizes, particularly of bulky low cal items like veg. And maybe even make dessert - healthier low sugar desserts e.g. homemade rice pudding or fruit crumble with a lot more fruit than crumble would be better than a load of snacks.