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Original poster

NYE - is this out of order ?

36 replies

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 15:52

We have 2 DD 18 & 15. DD 18 is ASD and rarely leaves the house. She is more than happy at home.

NYE me and DH always stay in. Every year, we get invited to our friends house for a mini house party. Every year, we don't go as DDs don't want to go and we think it's thoughtless to leave them home alone on NYE. They are fine home alone and are left on other non-event nights while we are out. We never leave our local town when we go out and can be home in 15 mins if needed.

NYE 2025 DD 18 didn't come downstairs at all. She does not care for NYE. Other DD had dinner with us, fell asleep and then woke up around 11.45pm, came downstairs for NYE fireworks on TV and then went back to her room around 12.30am. As with every NYE, me and DH sat on the sofa with a drink each and the TV.

This year, we are considering actually going to our friends house and leaving DDs at home. Both DDs are more than welcome to come and know that. I feel guilty at the thought of celebrating NYE at midnight with cheers, party atmosphere etc while DDs are home alone, in a quiet house with us not there/nothing going on. Having the party - and our friends - at ours is not an option.

AWBU to go out NYE and leave DDs at home if they don't want to come ?

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 15:55

It doesn't sound like their thing - I don't think you should feel guilty, provided you're on hand to come back in an emergency I think it's absolutely fine. And, as you say, they are welcome to come along too, you just need to be clear that if they want to go home they ideally need to stick it out until midnight, given the point of the party. Go and have fun!

OldBeyondMyYears · 04/09/2025 15:56

Of course you are not being unreasonable!! Why on earth would you be thinking that you are? Your children are long past the age/stage that they require your presence every waking minute!

Original poster
mn1090 · 04/09/2025 15:57

@Arlanymor we would be 5 mins away and could be home asap if needed. we would do a family activity with DDs in the day and/or an early dinner and then we would go to our friends, with DDs invited if they wanted to come

OP posts:

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DiscoBob · 04/09/2025 16:00

It's not like they get really invested in a special family celebration of NYE with you two.
It's clear they're not fussed about it either way.

I think you should encourage them to come to your friend's house, but if they decline then go along. Obviously say they're able to go to a friend's house instead if that's on the cards.

Original poster
mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:01

@OldBeyondMyYears I feel that the whole world would be celebrating NYE party style .. but my DD are home, alone, in a dull and quiet house, with nothing going on.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 16:05

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 15:57

@Arlanymor we would be 5 mins away and could be home asap if needed. we would do a family activity with DDs in the day and/or an early dinner and then we would go to our friends, with DDs invited if they wanted to come

Sounds perfect in that case - particularly as you have an activity and dinner planned. But it honestly doesn't sound like their thing - they won't be alone in a quiet house, they'll be reading/texting/gaming/online, whatever it is that they do. And actually doing 'their thing' which they will enjoy more. And as you say, there is an open invitation if they want to come along. Go and have fun!

Original poster
mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:06

we have played games at home before, just the 4 of us, but that fizzled out by 9pm. We don't have other families with children of the same age to invite over. We have tried to think of anything and everything within our possibility before as a way to find places to go NYE late eve. Going away is too expensive for us, DDs won't want to go to a hotel party if we stayed local. There are no family options.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 04/09/2025 16:07

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:06

we have played games at home before, just the 4 of us, but that fizzled out by 9pm. We don't have other families with children of the same age to invite over. We have tried to think of anything and everything within our possibility before as a way to find places to go NYE late eve. Going away is too expensive for us, DDs won't want to go to a hotel party if we stayed local. There are no family options.

So - fun family activity earlier in the day, maybe some games before an early tea, head to the party for 9pm with the open invitation if they want to come, and if not, you'll be back in a matter of hours anyway and you're only down the road.

Icebreakhell · 04/09/2025 16:11

18 and 15, op go out and enjoy yourselves!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 04/09/2025 16:17

I wouldn’t even think twice TBH. Go to your friends’ party before they stop bothering to invite you and you come to a point where your DCs have left home and you are still sitting at home with the TV as there is no party to go to .

Justmuddlingalong · 04/09/2025 16:17

Go.
Your DC have a choice, go with you or stay at home.
They're both old enough to amuse themselves, so start doing what suits you.

Ellie56 · 04/09/2025 16:27

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:01

@OldBeyondMyYears I feel that the whole world would be celebrating NYE party style .. but my DD are home, alone, in a dull and quiet house, with nothing going on.

@mn1090

What you have to remember is that people with ASD do not see the world in quite the same way as those of who are neurotypical. They like quiet and routine and their own company. They do not like noise and loads of other people around them and the strangeness of being in someone else's house. Home is their safe space in a world which is often confusing and stressful for people with autism.

My ASD son is the same. He would hate to go to a party. He does not drink. He is happy staying at home in his own room doing stuff on his phone or computer in his own little world. He might watch the countdown on the TV and say happy new year to us but that would be it.

I think you should go to your party without feeling guilty and maybe ring your daughters at midnight to wish them a happy new year.

Ellie56 · 04/09/2025 16:33

Oh and the whole world does not celebrate New Year.

My cousin freely admits that he and his wife are party poopers and go to bed early on NYE!

Blissker · 04/09/2025 16:33

YANBU. It's time.

Although NYE is still quite a way off. If you don't already you should start a new habit of popping out for a drink together occasionally, just you and your partner, between now and NYE. Just for practice.

Ketzele · 04/09/2025 16:37

It's absolutely fine. I have no time for NYE - to me its the night of wasted expectations - so like your dd I would always rather be home. But that doesn't mean I expect others to sit around with me. The night is not meaningful for your girls, so leaving them to it won't be meaningful either.

ThejoyofNC · 04/09/2025 16:52

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:01

@OldBeyondMyYears I feel that the whole world would be celebrating NYE party style .. but my DD are home, alone, in a dull and quiet house, with nothing going on.

But they'll do the same with or without you there. Give them some money for their favourite takeaway and go and enjoy yourselves!

ginasevern · 04/09/2025 17:19

They're probably secretly hoping that you'll bugger off and leave them to it. Get them some nice food, chococlates or whatever and go to the ball!

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 04/09/2025 17:56

They are old enough to sort themselves out with activities on NYE.

Go out. Have fun.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/09/2025 18:02

Honestly I wouldn't even hesitate to think of it. It's different if you had a long standing tradition of celebrating. Many people that age are working or babysitting NYE. Go and enjoy yourselves guilt free

user1471538283 · 04/09/2025 18:06

Do go! I haven't celebrated NYE properly for decades and I'm fine with a cosy night in with chocolates! That might be their thing!

Even when I was young NYE was a nightmare and finally I had enough of the loudness and overpriced drinks.

OldBeyondMyYears · 05/09/2025 11:05

mn1090 · 04/09/2025 16:01

@OldBeyondMyYears I feel that the whole world would be celebrating NYE party style .. but my DD are home, alone, in a dull and quiet house, with nothing going on.

You are seriously overthinking this.

MTPlate · 05/09/2025 18:22

Honestly, the whole world is not celebrating NYE. We generally CBA and often go to bed at about 10pm! I would suggest that if you want to go out, just go! Enjoy yourselves, your kids will be fine at home. You sound like a great mum, you prioritise your kids alot. You are entitled to have some fun with your partner, so go out on NYE, if kids wants to stay at home, so be it. They are old enough to cope for a few hours.

UtterlyChilled · 05/09/2025 18:49

Lots and lots of people go to bed before midnight on NYE me included, it only seems like everyone is up because of all the fireworks. I don't dislike it but am not that fussed, and like a quiet night in. Go to the party.

GiveDogBone · 05/09/2025 19:11

You have the right to enjoy yourself one night a year. Don’t think twice about it.

meganorks · 05/09/2025 19:16

It's fine. They don't want to go. They don't really care. They are old enough to be left alone. Just go!