Ds anxious to return to school because we didn’t go on holiday

[floweredBlue]

Last night ds was looking worried so i asked him what was wrong. He said he knows when he goes back to school the teacher will ask everyone about their summer holidays.

unfortunately, our holiday was cancelled and we were unable to re book anything. We did have nice days out but for some reason ds thinks only a holiday will be worth talking about.

I think he is anxious as I know previously the teachers have asked them to write down or speak about their summer. A lot of children in their class have been to glorious places this summer. We have had a nice time and It’s a shame that now ds is sad feeling like he has nothing worth talking about.

I personally don’t think teachers should do this anymore. Of course, if you have done something that you want to talk about, fine. Children who don’t want to share details of their summer shouldn’t be made to though.

How old is he? My kids I would be talking about the great days we did, what he liked best, or a really funny story. Or he can make something up, the teacher isn’t going to care, it’s a writing exercise.
and then they’d get a bit of a pull yourself together, unfortunate holiday was cancelled, but some children don’t get to go anywhere at all in the summer (and might add in some children don’t even have enough to eat over the summer)
its okay to be sad, it’s good to learn a bit of positive spin, it’s not okay to turn a disappointment into a massive issue.

If it’s speaking about it, I’d ask him to look out for people who describe a summer like his.

If it’s writing, I’d ask him if he remembers a good day this summer and tell him to write about that.

Id also say there will always be people who have less than you and people who have more than you.

These "what I did in the holiday" activities are very old fashioned now. (Source - am a teacher!). Mainly because teachers are, or should be, very aware of the different holiday experiences of their class.

That being said, when this was very common many years ago almost every child would write that they, "watched TV", or, "went to Mcdonalds". Parents used to be agast and would tell me they'd spent 2 weeks in the Carribean!

Sounds like he needs some perspective. A lot of kids barely get to leave the house let alone go on holidays every year. How old is he?

Op I think from your post you may have unwittingly contributed to this problem as you clearly do care what people think about you not having been away.

I can’t think of anything less important, summer at home, summer away, who cares.
Summer “day trips” - no one cares. Doing a holiday or day trips isn’t a defining or necessary factor for summer holidays.

You are measuring yourself against other people yardsticks and assuming that gives happiness or value. As a result your son’s doing the same.

I'm a teacher and have avoided this kind of topic for many years. A question showing interest one to one or in small groups could be fine, but should be more 'how was your summer,' showing genuine interest, not, 'what did you do?'. Broadly to the class so only a few who want to will answer - okish. Setting it as a writing task is very wrong.

As others have said, you can help him prepare his response though.

Tell him that he can write about his holiday being cancelled and what he did instead. Explain that it’s not something to be embarrassed about and that not everyone goes on holiday and he doesn’t want to make them feel sad too.

I still remember the awfulness of a teacher doing this when I was about 5 (many decades ago) and one of the children in the class saying that they’d been on holiday but their Daddy died in a car crash. I have no idea what the teacher was thinking as presumably they did know what had happened.

Remind him what you did do e.g. played board games, built a fort etc. then if it was me I'd talk through the worst possible holiday and why that would have been much worse e.g. "we could have stayed in a caravan with blippi"

No one cares where your son went on holiday or if he went on holiday. I doubt the teacher will ask anything other than if he had a nice summer. Lots of people don’t go away on holiday so he won’t be the only one. It sounds like back to school nerves to me.

This gives me flashbacks to my youngest coming home with the class bear. The bear had a diary of things it did over the weekend and it was full of competitive show off weekends with the bear. It even had a weekend skiing. We did the class a favour and took the bear to B&Q to look at taps and emulsion paint.

Some kids spend their holidays being dragged around from this to that, and a lot would appreciate time at home in their own bed with their own things. My son is envious of his friend who spent the 6 weeks at home.

I agree with PPs - the whole what I did in the summer holidays…. has been stopped as it was thought unfair !

Our class bear had gone horse riding and to a half term break in Germany by the time it got to us! State primary in London in an affluent area. I can’t quite remember what we did with it but it was of the “make a pizza” variety.

It is such a tough one. I’m a secondary teacher so certainly don’t get to anyone to write what they did in the holidays. But I do ask children what they did. It has been weeks since I’ve seen them so a ‘how was your summer’ seems a normal question. I will be asking most of my colleagues today as well.

Practise the answer - it was great and big up some the day trips you did. Just pick his favourite. Remind him you don’t need to go away to have a good holiday, happy memories are made everywhere.

But also, some of this might just be regular back to school nerves (teachers get them too) so don’t make too big a deal out of it, or it might cement it in his mind that it is an issue.

I'd just explain that they're getting kids to talk, and he can talk just as validly about his disappointment in his cancelled holiday as someone else can about the one they went on, and throw in a bit of what he did instead.

I agree and I was also a teacher. A colleague used to do this and I thought it was awful.

I ask them to share a nice thing they did in the summer and always start with I went for a lovely walk, spent time with my family, read some books etc. Not a written task and I don't mention my holidays away but it's a nice settlng in activity. Year 4, mixed intake.

When DS wrote his 'what I did in the holidays' piece last year he wrote about the rope swing at our local NT property. We had also been to Croatia but clearly that low key day out (I work there so didn't cost me anything) was the thing that really stuck. He won the headteachers award for that piece of writing. I do think your DS is overthinking it and lots of kids with write about things like that rather than a main holiday.

My greatest memories of school holidays were having fun with friends. We didn’t go on holiday as my dad was an alcoholic so spent any spare cash on alcohol.

Just tell your son to say we didn’t go on holiday but I played with this friend or we went on this day trip or we went to see nanny/ auntie/ cousin/ friend down the road.

The teacher will just accept whatever he wants to talk about and won’t ask questions like why didn’t you go on holiday.’

Gosh this is so sad that a child would think this way. I would be really disappointed if my DC thought like this. I hope you reassured your DS that no one cares whether he went on holiday? Did you ask him why he thinks it matters? Does he judge other kids for their activities?

Ahh we didnt go away this year either OP. We usually do and I know DS classmates have been to some far flung places this year. But iI actually think this year was a good excercise in humility for my kids who usually do go away. We did days out instead this year too.
I actually thought teachers would not ask tbh, and if thry do they will still have loads of things to talk about with the days out.
Tbh I actually had a great summer😂no packing, unpacking, washing mountains, no fear of kids being lost at sea while paddleboarding, no pool safety to worry about, no suncream and sand combo to contend with, no whining that it was too hot, no tired and hungry restaurant outbursts. It was great😂

Oh God the class bear ,my oldest had it for the Xmas holidays but neglected to tell me so poor bear spent Xmas in the bottom of a school bag in the car boot, we found him a couple of days before he went back
Of course we couldn't write that in the book so had to write something about what a lovely Xmas bear had
My youngest is severely autistic and when he got bear in nursery ( before he went to a special school)
He completely ignored it abd left it on the window sill for the night 🙈

Oh god, I remember hating this when I was at school. It was a private school so we (and the other families) were all quite well off but my dad was ... well, he'd probably be diagnosed as on the spectrum these days and he absolutely hated being away from home so we rarely went on holidays and if we did it was to a "safe" UK location where he used to holiday with his parents.

Everyone else would be writing about (and you had to then read it out loud to the class, added cringe) their holidays to Disney world and the Caribbean or Lapland/skiiing at Christmas and I had just stayed at home again.

One time I made something up, it must have been quite obvious as I was teased mercilessly. I found the best thing to write about was a favourite day in the holidays which often was a day out including our grandparents and dogs. It would be better if teachers asked to just write about one favourite day. As other posters have said, it will often be something local and ordinary for many kids, even if they've also been abroad!

I once spent the entire summer either on holiday doing something child-orientated or on play dates or days out doing something child orientated and on the day before they went back we went to the barber who gave then a lollipop, then the shoeshop who gave them haribos, and as we sat in Macdonald's for lunch they all sat there and declared it was "the best day ever" of the holidays. And yeah, they didn't mention the surfing or zoo animals or organic food or National Trust places in their What I Did Over the Holidays, it was sweets and happy meals.

We have been on two holidays this summer. Not a usual thing for us and it has been brilliant - we have filled almost half the holidays visiting new places, lots of outdoor activities, some theme parks, visited historical sites - we've seen some really awesome stuff.

When the dentist asked my youngest what he's done on his holidays he said he's played heaps of computer games and ate sweets.