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Original poster

Cancel break or take step children ?

46 replies

Harvestmoons · 27/08/2025 15:29

Short break booked next week for me, DH and DDog.
Arranged this in advance as step children were due to be away on hol with their Mum.
DH's ex has messaged him today to say her plans have changed and the kids will be coming to us next week as she has something else on (don't get me started🙄)

DSS 13 & DSD 15 could come with us as there's 2 bedrooms plus sofa bed, but DH has suggested this to them but they are not keen as its primarily a break for country walks and in a remote location, which I understand is not appealing for a lot of teens.

DH is veering towards cancelling but there will be no refund due to short notice.
I think we should give it a shot and try and get DSC's on board.
We had a weeks holiday with DSC at the start of summer but it was abroad, all inclusive resort with water park on site and lots to do so they loved it. But this break is not up their street at all.
Wifi is important to DSC and is advertised but it warns intermittent service due to location.
What can i do to persuade them, or am I being selfish as I've been so looking forward to it , think hot tub lodge, nice views, riverside walks 😢

OP posts:

SemperIdem · 27/08/2025 15:31

I don’t understand why your husband has agreed at all, to be honest.

Completely understandable that you’re disappointed at the prospect of not going at all.

Could you go with a friend instead, he can stay home with his children.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/08/2025 15:32

Why can’t he say no?

presumably she is also away out of the country as why can’t a 15yo and 13yo stay at home otherwise ?

Eviebeans · 27/08/2025 15:36

Why has he agreed to the change of plans

Eviebeans · 27/08/2025 15:37

Is there some reason why he can’t just say no we have other plans

BarnacleBeasley · 27/08/2025 15:41

I'd go with the dog and leave DH and the kids at home.

BadActingParsley · 27/08/2025 15:47

I'd take a friend and the dog. Leave him to parent his kids at home with wifi. (Though he should be able to say, no, we've got plans - boundaries now will help later - I'm a step mum with a very good relationship with the ex wife).

Original poster

Harvestmoons · 27/08/2025 15:49

I do want to find out from DH exactly what plan's of the ex's mean she wont be there for the DC. He was vague about her message only saying that the kids were coming to us next week.
Ex is notoriously unreliable and DH compensates in order to protect the kids from feeling like their parents are arguing about who gets to not look after them. He is a good Dad and I respect him for this, but he does not cross the ex which has been a source of conflict between the 2 of us.

I had not thought of going alone with the dog but there is no reason why not other than feeling guilty

OP posts:

SemperIdem · 27/08/2025 15:51

I’d definitely still go, whether it’s with a friend or just you and the dog. You’ve nothing to feel guilty about in doing so.

TheNightingalesStarling · 27/08/2025 16:03

Is there any way of using the accommodation as a base but going to more "exciting" places... watersports for example, or a city?

RogerR4bbit · 27/08/2025 16:08

You going with the dog and possibly a friend is the best result for all

Ellie56 · 27/08/2025 16:10

Why does Ex get to decide what everybody's doing? Why should you miss out on your holiday? Your DH should have told her it wasn't possible as you had other plans.

I definitely wouldn't take the SC if you know they won't enjoy it and if DH is not prepared to stand up to Ex I'd go on my own with the dog and a friend.

You never know - if DH sees you buggering off without him, he may not be so keen to dance to Ex's tune next time.

Hatty65 · 27/08/2025 16:12

DH should have texted back, 'I'm afraid we are not here - Harvest and I are away ourselves, because you had informed us you and DC were going on holiday. We are not able to have the children."

Failing that I'd go on my own with the dog. I would NOT cancel a break I'd been looking forward to simply to fall in with his Ex DWs whims.

I would also make it clear to DH that this was the very last time he did this - that in future if Ex announced something that his default response had to be, 'I'll discuss it with my wife and let you know'. You can't keep being messed about by her decisions.

ARichtGoodDram · 27/08/2025 16:13

Go on your own with the dog. Don't lose money and miss out

Flossflower · 27/08/2025 16:13

Can you buy a WiFi card for the kids to use while away.

Hatty65 · 27/08/2025 16:17

I'd also tell DH this was the last time he did this - that in future his default response to changes of plan has to be 'I'll discuss it with Harvest and let you know'.

At the moment she shouts jump and you have to say 'How high?'. It needs to stop.

Hatty65 · 27/08/2025 16:17

I'd also tell DH this was the last time he did this - that in future his default response to changes of plan has to be 'I'll discuss it with Harvest and let you know'.

At the moment she shouts jump and you have to say 'How high?'. It needs to stop.

FrogFalacy · 27/08/2025 16:17

Once again this is a DH issue! I’d want to know what the reason was that the ex needed to swap. That really isn’t common to do when a trip has been booked - it’s not about him being worried about being mean to children it’s about him not standing up to ex. Would he so happy to cancel a work trip or hobby etc? It’d have to be an emergency and even then ex should first be turning to her own friends and family not the exH.
I definitely wouldn’t force teens on that sort of weekend away - it will be a disaster! But think about going yourself with a friend. And I’d speak to DH and say this really isn’t ok. He can be a good dad without throwing your relationship under bus for the ex wife

OversteppingEx · 27/08/2025 16:20

Hatty65 · 27/08/2025 16:12

DH should have texted back, 'I'm afraid we are not here - Harvest and I are away ourselves, because you had informed us you and DC were going on holiday. We are not able to have the children."

Failing that I'd go on my own with the dog. I would NOT cancel a break I'd been looking forward to simply to fall in with his Ex DWs whims.

Edited

I completely agree with this.

Why is it acceptable for your DHs ex wife to dictate how you spend your spare time?

ThejoyofNC · 27/08/2025 16:21

Tell your DH to tell her that no, they won't in fact be coming to him next week because he's on holiday. He's allowing her to behave that way.

Mauvehoodie · 27/08/2025 16:23

I'd go just you and the dog and don't feel guilty for a second. I think he needs to really feel the consequences of never saying no to the ex. I get that he doesn't want to make the DC feel unwanted but this is a situation where he has made actual plans and the DC don't want to join. If you're off having a lovely relaxing time in a hot tub, it might take him think a bit more. Its one thing prioritising the DC but another when the ex's plans effectively get prioritised over yours.

Tiswa · 27/08/2025 16:24

Why would you feel guilty it is paid for no point losing money take the dog!

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 27/08/2025 16:25

The ex needs to get her arse into gear and remember that she is a parent, or the kids need to liaise with their mates to have a sleepover.

Eviebeans · 27/08/2025 16:26

It is him who should be feeling guilty about changing plans at short notice without asking you

Mix56 · 27/08/2025 16:39

Foolish to waste the money. Foolish to just say "Amen" when XW suddenly moves the goal posts.
So please go with Ddog, relax in the hot tub, take a good friend, or not.
Do not feel guilty for a millisecond

muddyford · 27/08/2025 16:40

Just go with DDog and enjoy it!

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