So what do you do.. when you love and care for your male partner but your longing is for a woman?

[LEM0NADEY]

You’ve been through so much, you love him and care for him. But the feelings for women are strong like they have not been before.

I am lost. We have been through all the stuff. I trust him, he’s a great man. We travelled the world together. We fought the people who abused us

But now here I am longing for the touch of a woman. It’s all I think about when I am making love to him.

where do we go?

Do you think you are gay op? Or bisexual? That makes a big difference in your next steps

Well they are also wrong to do that aren't they?
And if you really love him you know deep down that he deserves to know the truth. Out if basic human respect.
Those women lie to their husbands because they don't live or care about them enough clearly.

I feel no sexual attraction to my DH either but I don't deceive him. We don't have sex because I don't want to but I don't want to have sex with anyone else either.

You have sex with your DH but thinking about women, it's unsustainable. Tell him so he can decide whether he's ok with that or not. And if you don't have any children there really is no reason for you not to find love elsewhere. I got children (one disabled) so I stay in my marriage because it's best for my DC and I do love my DH even though I'm no longer in love with him....

Well, here lies the other part of the issue. Two children. One very ill. Our lives are hard. Maybe it’s escapism?

Probably bisexual. But it feels like it hasn’t always been this way. I mean I no longer fantasise about men and haven’t for a couple of years actually. But I certainly used to. So it’s changed, maybe some would say you can’t do that. But for me that is what has happened. It’s isn’t that I have been deceiving him forever

Would you want to know? Truly?

I would because I value honesty. If someone is honest with me then I can make an informed decision. If they lie then I can't. If someone says they love me then I'd hope they love me enough to trust me with the truth.

In that case there is no reason to tell him unless you want to. However you need to decide if he is enough for you and just the fantasy is enough, or if never having the opportunity to be with a woman is too difficult to live with, in which case you need to end it

If you love and care so deeply for your husband - you stop this now. You're feeding it with the limerance you're in.

You either divorce him and explore. (Which you've already stated you don't want to divorce him) Or you accept this is the life you've chosen and accept you can't have your cake and eat it.

Sometimes life is making sacrifices. We can't have everything we want.

I knew someone that was a lesbian that married a man. She saw the (for all intents and purposes) otherwise happy marriage through to the end. He died , and after a period of time , she met and married a woman when she was in her 70s.

Now, I'm not recommended you do this, of course. But in an otherwise strong and loving partnership, I do think you have to decide what's more important. Fantasies and longing, or a deeper kind of love.

Most married couples, without the issues you're having, are not built on lust and longing and desires. You love them deeper, differently. And most sensible people don't chuck it all away because they see someone that reignites that lust/passion/early flutters feeling. It's quite addictive that feeling. And you're never going to maintain that in a long marriage, no matter what people tell you. But ... On balance , do you chuck everything away for a taste of pure sexual desire ?

OP, I strongly suggest you read about compulsory heterosexuality. For those people saying it is exactly like a woman saying she wants to have with another man, not necessarily...

Compulsory heterosexuality can make it very difficult for women to fully understand their sexuality, and the connection she is yearning is not necessarily just about sex, but about identity and emotional truth. It can be incredibly confusing and hard to unpick.

As someone in this situation, I strongly suggest you seek therapy and also look into Compulsory heterosexuality and seek support from late blooming lesbian fb groups where you will see more stories of women in your situation.

However, I also strongly suggest that you try to understand your feelings sooner rather than later as it is just not fair on your husband otherwise.