Does anyone else almost live a different life in their head?

[Wheelerdeeler]

I hope this doesn't make me sound unhinged but I do this sometimes. For context, I am a mid 40s married mother.

However, I spend part of my day living a completely different life. In my head.

At the moment, the fake life centers around a silly crush I have on a work colleague - 20 years my junior.

I imagine us getting together but I am 20 years younger, how it would happen, the way it would happen right through to us having twins!

I am happy in my own real life. Why do I do this? I know there is the crush element, it isn't serious and I would never do anything about it but I do laugh at myself. How ridiculous am I being like this? The poor guy is blissfully unaware that as he sits opposite me at a meeting I am planning our next date/holiday/child.

If it wasn't about him, I would still have this alternative life sometimes in my head. Different characters but there nearly always is something.

As I type I can see how mad this all is but am I alone? Do others do this?

I've always done this! I vividly remember telling my mother about it when I was 4 or 5. I've had periods when it's maladaptive daydreaming (when perimenopause hit for example). But mostly it's just enjoyable. Nothing is real and it's fun. Sometimes there's drama and I can kind of replay those ones for times when I need it. So if life is tricky, I have one story I go into where it's worse, and it kind of gets those feelings out. Or covers them up? I don't know!

I have various threads that are long enough to make into novels. Tempted to try!

I have always done this but realised that my 7 year old does too, and really enjoys it.
When I'm putting him to bed he'll say
"I'm going to imagine that I'm an F1 driver"
And will happily close his eyes and daydream himself to sleep.

I've always done this and it's a bit more under control now and less intrusive - definitely found it hard to listen/pay attention/focus on anything at times. A lecture would start and then - snap- I realise the hour has gone just like that while I was in my other world. I have a full on alternative life in another world. It probably has held me back in some ways - but has also been my escape and comfort. Dd has always done this too. Dh will sometimes comment that I'm 'talking to someone in my head'.

Like pp mentioned - I have to be careful what I see/watch, e.g. horror films for this reason.

I do that too! My main character has two jobs. So her life is exhasting. I'd rather sort her problems out than keep on replaying mine out. Which are more mental load type of thing like arguing with my kids senco about her ehcp. Part of me would rather do a physically exhausting 20 hour day than engage my brain in a battle of wits and SEND law. I could quote the send code of practice in my sleep now

I have several 'other lives' and a number of scenarios that don't involve me at all - e.g. a made-up family whose ongoing saga I review and plan every single morning. I've done this for as long as I can remember and the made-up family dates back to 1983.

Very happy I've found this thread, I had absolutely no idea it was so common. I've only ever told a couple of people in my entire life, and they've looked at me like I was a lunatic. I've been doing it my whole life, and it definitely gets worse in times of stress. Currently, it is very definitely maladaptive and I'm trying to work out how to get help for what I assumed was a completely mad, unheard-of behaviour. I have a few and obviously I'm also young, beautiful and super well-liked. At the moment I'm usually a mega-successful business owner who also spearheads a couple of important initiatives and charities, and somehow has also found time to write a few books, and get a doctorate! Worse thing is the company I imagine I have is actually a really good idea and could definitely be a very successful business, even though it may not actually make me a globally famous billionaire. But rather than start it, I dream I've already built it and spend my days picking out my mansion instead. It's definitely not helping my life at the moment.

Also get can't cope with even very mild horror or distressing news stories, and can suffer intrusive thoughts that can sometimes be absolutely crippling. I also hear and see when I read, so novels to me play out in my mind like a film. Don't know if that's connected.

I see novels like a film too.

Name change here. Yes, done this since childhood, except I'm not in my fantasy.
It's like erotic science fiction. Currently, there are 3 men (actors) I've always liked: Matthew Goode, William Hurt and Anthony Head who feature in the narrative. There are also beautiful creatures who have male body parts, but they're not men. The sex is homosexual and women rarely feature. Sounds weird, but I can literally orgasm (no self touching) when driving the story in my head. It's sexual release coming completely from the brain. The fantasy has changed over the years, but the creatures were there from childhood. I am a writer if that means anything and have always had vivid, fantastical dreams involving wild animals or creatures.

Whoa!!! I thought I was the only one to do this! I’ve been creating other lives since I was a teenager and was, at one point, quite worried I had lost the plot. But it helps me deal with stress and I feel better because of it.

Yes I see (and feel) novels like a film. DH and I were talking about that sort of creation of the world of the novel, imagining the sense aspects of it. He can’t really do it, his brain works differently.

I don’t share with him my rich inner life: I assume automatically that anyone would think it’s nuts 😂

I see novels like films as well. When I think about books I've read I see the pictures as if I'm remembering a film.

I make up all the characters, give them families and back stories - often involving the overcoming of some tragedy or making them renowned in some way. Sometimes I change the trajectory of their lives or replay an event in a "better" way. I also take the viewpoint of certain ones but not others - the ones I relate to more, either because they are more like me or more like someone I'd like to be.

I do think it relates to some dissatisfaction with life though. I do it more when I'm bored and feel that really I shouldn't ideally. But it's kind of like an addiction.... A lifelong one.

Great thread op. i suppose we all do this to an extent. in my head im much younger and better looking than I am in real life. im also much more confident and out going with a great social life. I wish I could actually be the version of me that I have in my head.
Men I fancy have always found me extremely attractive in my head to 😂. The human imagination is an amazing thing. I suppose the childhood role playing never stops, it just stays acted out in our heads as adults!

Yes all the time. Started really after I had my fourth child and we were temporarily living in a very small space so perhaps it was a need to escape reality of my life. Have a few but always centres around me having some exciting and tempestuous love affair. So definitely what’s missing in my life! I don’t do it all day but always before I go to sleep

Does anyone else imagine that they’re in a soap and they’re the main character? The soap has a name and everything? Asking for a friend ……. 😳😳😂

No, but I do know you're very far from alone! Since I found out how many women get through their days by being main characters in their exciting imaginary dramas, I sometimes entertain myself by watching people doing everyday stuff and wondering who they think they are, where and what (or whom) they're doing 😁

I say women because the only men I've known to be like this actually believed it or, at least, acted it out. There are loads of male authors and scriptwriters, though, so I guess they're equally prone to it. Just don't talk about it, maybe.

Mine are often involving certain fantasy characters in films or series, like fantasy worlds I mean and always involving gorgeous male characters who often walk a fine line between good and evil and I’m their light to their troubled lives and they fall in love with me and together we change the world. I imagine myself in that world, doing ordinary things and great things like wielding a sword or being the best with a bow 😂. Also having whole conversations in my head.

Or I used to imagine I’d have a tv crew following me around for the day observing my daily life, it was a great way to get housework done 😂

Ive done this since I was about 7. Looking back I think it was because I had a turbulent homelife, we had social services involvement (my brothers were placed in care), my mum was depressed and I think had Bipolar, also rather abusive at times and I was bullied at school because of my homelife, also adhd (not diagnosed until I was 37). I think daydreaming was my escape from my life and a way to cope..and still is.. with my feelings

When I was living in a depressing houseshare in a horrible area, I used to pretend I was undercover filming a Louis Theroux style documentary about the drudgery of life in modern Britain. I'd try and generate content by inciting Racist Adrian at work to say outrageous things by reading out headlines from the Daily Mail website.

Imagine if a guy did this about the woman at work who is 20 years younger than him.

Why is the gold standard what men do and any difference chalked up to some deficiency in women?

How do you know they don't?

All.The.Time. For my whole life. It used to make me quite depressed as a teenager when my life didn’t live up to the daydreams but now I revel in it: it’s kind of a skill or a benefit, because it provides a non-harmful dopamine hit to get through the daily grind. Making dinner, getting ready for bed, on the school run, in boring meetings: I’m never there, I’m in daydreamland.

Other me is currently supervising the ecological restoration of an old Sussex farmhouse, which cleverly she’s moving (brick by brick) from the High Weald to a plot in town, so the kids can walk to school. Big garden and I expect she’ll hire a garden designer to create just the right amount of wild, carefree garden to throw summer parties for the children all holiday long – the house that hosts. While also writing novels in her cabin, they sell frightfully well, which funds all of this stuff. Might add a river and a small boat, like Joey Potter sailing up the creek. And a talent for pottery! Also all of this is with one of the school dads I fancy, so involves a total rewrite of history starting 20-something years ago. Lots of storylines to dwell on to sustain me for a while!

Well, most of the women on this thread have clearly never spoken about it before, and had no idea other people also do it. As someone who monetised it by writing novels, I know a lot of men writers who do exactly the same, though admittedly I've never met anyone with quite so specific a fantasy as @AtlanticStar's slash fantasy involving Matthew Goode, William Hurt and whoever, not to mention the 'not men' with male body parts.

And when you write novels, you do have to consider whether other people will find your imaginings enjoyable too! Maybe that's the main difference -- if it's private to you, you don't have to worry if anyone else is going to find your longform daydream about being a CEO or a tempestuously attractive lover compelling!

ETA to add that I confess to being slightly annoyed that so many of these fantasies involve being a novelist! It's hard work, people! Not drifting around a shepherd's hut, staring at the horizon, beautifully dressed, before being pleasured in the rose garden by the hunky groundsman!

I'm a natural optimist. Day dreaming can pass the time when you are bored and it can help you push past what is familiar and set goals for the future. Or it can jolly up an unavoidable task. It's not just a product of despair.

I have done this all my life, have never told anyone in real life! Never realised it was so common!!
I started when I was a child, it really helped me cope with life & made me happier. I still do it, mainly when I’m trying to get to sleep. It’s like a story playing out in my head. It’s all fictional & normally in the Victorian era, I’ll go months living out one scenario. Sometimes I’ll even go months living a futuristic life!🤣- I sound nuts!! But in real life I’m a very grounded person.
I do read lots, & at times have written down my other lives planning to make a novel out of them. But have never got round to publishing/finishing anything!
I do read lots. But my alternative life is all my own & not based on anything.
I absolutely love my alternative life, & look forward to relaxing in bed at night & carrying on living it!