Those of you who like your siblings - why?

[Growingmyownberries]

Mum of two wonderful little ones, who are at the stage where they think the sun shines out of each other. Presumably I had that stage with my siblings at one time, and it hurts my heart to think my DC might be distant one day.

I have three siblings - if I'm being honest I only like one. We all have very different personalities, but our upbringing also wasn't the most stable and I think that made a difference too.

For those of you who are still close with your siblings into adulthood, is there anything your parents did that helped? 🤞🏻 We make sure they both get individual attention, plenty of 1:1 time, and never compare. Curious/hopeful if there's anything else I can do to make a difference?

I'm not sure what my parents did to help other than be decent parents - they certainly had their moments but I can appreciate the always tried and nobody is perfect, I'm certainly not a perfect parent myself - and constantly, constantly instilling in us how important family is and that we should care for and look out for one another as a team.

We didn't get a lot of individual attention, very little 1:1 time and tbh our DPs DID sometimes compare us to each other.

And yet as adults we are all veeeeery different but close nonetheless and we help each other out.

Nope. I’ve got two sisters and I’m close to both, but I get on with one much better than the other as we are closer in personalities and enjoy the same things. Plus, now we both have children and my older sister doesn’t. Not that the kids are friends - there’s quite an age gap plus my niece has profound autism. But being parents is another thing we have in common.
My own children do not get on particularly (20, 22). One girl one boy. They have, if possible, opposite personalities. One is outgoing, energetic and non academic - a doer rather than thinker. The other is an introvert, low energy and very academic. They do not have much in common and while can get along on the surface I don’t think they’d choose to spend time together. This very much pains me, but it’s a personality issue more than anything else, though I’m sure things went on between then I know nothing about. I don’t think I could have done anything differently.

I love them, I know if I need them they would be there for me. Our mum is an only child and our dad doesn’t talk to his only sister, we’d hate to be like that.

I am v close to one sister, and get on fine with rest we never ever fall out with each other. We never have drama at events and all just accept each other for who we are and have a very live and let live mind set. My 4 kids(young adults 21 to 34 are all amicable with each other the younger 2 always adorded number 3 and still do the two DDs get on well. We never ever fall out with each other and always support each other. Today and tomorrow we along with their partners have spent the day together, and have plans for tomorrow. We all have our own eccentricities but like that we are all different. I am very lucky.

I have 2 siblings,one older and one younger.I’m closer with my younger sibling probably for a few reasons,we’ve got the same personalities and opinions and enjoy a lot of the same things.I don’t think our parents had anything to do with how close we were or weren’t with each other..

I have one brother. He annoys me intensely at times but I wouldn’t be without him, he’s also my biggest supporter and best friend. Don’t tell him that though! I think for us we were brought up to clear the air, not go to sleep on an argument, so nothing festers.

I think that your parents are the thread that binds you together, so you have to work hard to cultivate adult relationships with your siblings without them. My sibling moved away for university and made a life there. Our parents died when we were in our early twenties, so we never really got past that adolescent stage into adulthood. The closeness that we had in childhood never made it to adulthood.

I think who your sibling marries/partners up with has a bigger impact on your relationship in adulthood then how your parents brought you up. You could have a terrible childhood, but still be close to a sibling, but if they pair up with someone odd or unpleasant, then that will keep the relationship distant. You only have to look at the number of SIL posts on here to see that!

Alternatively, if you were never particularly close to your sibling, but they marry someone cracking, that could be a lovely unexpected game-changer for your relationship.

Honestly she drives me mad a lot of the time but she’s v funny and great with my kids. When we were kids she would make up these amazing stories and games for us to play. We get on better over WhatsApp than IRL though as we get on each others nerves after a few days together and have different views on a lot of stuff, but I feel a v close bond to her, regardless.

We all get on - we had a great childhood and have loads of happy memories of holidays and playing together. We are all completely different though. Don't have much in common and rarely make similar decisions in life.

I'm not sure my parents were actually especially good at encouraging our relationships and I think they didn't help in some ways - we all went to different schools, clubs and activities and that led to few shared friends/experiences. We didn't get much insight into each others day to day at secondary age. They definitely treated us differently in some ways and that could have led to resentment but I think all of us know that they were doing their best with no ill intent.

The things that help our relationships now are that we are all really supportive of each others' children and I love them being aunts and uncles and my DC having additional trusted adults to speak to and root for them. I think we all love our DC having a big cousin gang and we all work hard to ensure we spend time together to give them those interactions and experiences.

When our parents needed us, through terminal illness, death, house moves, cancer, old age etc, knowing that we were all trying to help them, and each other, and that we all took on various bits of what needed to be done, has given our relationships a new, deeper and special quality that I really grateful for.

I will do everything I can to encourage my DC to be there for each other as they grow up. They don't have to be besties who spend loads of time together but I want them to be on each others' team when needed.

My sister does my head in sometimes, I’m not sure why we are close. I suppose there is that link with childhood. Sometimes we still gang up on my mum (pleasantly).

My dc are 13 and 16, boy and girl. Mostly they hate each other 😂. But it’s bickering on the whole. They are just very different I think.

Similar interests, politics and values - on the same ‘wavelength’ despite very different personalities. Continuing to holiday together as young adults was great and finding partners that like each other is probably the key thing.

I don't think anything my parents did, I mean there's things they didn't do like comparing us to one another, or favouritism. You can't make your kids like one another at the end of the day. Also bear in mind, I know quite a lot of people who loathed their siblings as kids but get on fine as adults, so don't worry if they have bad patches.

My sibling and I weren’t close as kids or even as young adults. We get along great as two proper grown ups, but the 300 mile distance probably helps.

I’m not sure really. I suppose we have similar personalities, like the same music and computer games and share the same sense of humour.

My younger brother is a super cool person, extremely smart, super successful, but very very modest about his achievements. He never even told anyone he got a full academic scholarship to Harvard until it was almost time to go 😂 I am super proud of him and although I'm older than him, he has helped me out financially many times and even lent me a full school year of fees for my daughter's private school when I was in a crisis. But when he was at uni in London I let him live with me for free for 3 years, so we kind of help each other out when we can. He's a really cool uncle and a great role model for my daughter. We'd always help each other out if either needs it - moving, pet sitting, anything really.

We were both treated the same. I’ve never resented anything my parents have given her as they’d do the same for me.

We’re very different people, with very different lives though so I’m not actually sure if we’d be friends if we’d met as strangers.

Mainly because my sibling is a boy version of me and I’m great.

My childhood was awful so it wasn't anything positive on the part of my parents, but my siblings are good people with good humour and I like being around them.

I have 5 siblings
I can whole heartedly say I like 2 of those and enjoy their company.
2 I tolerate, I dont believe they're bad people, but we're very different.
1 I actively despise. She's a very nasty person, actively looks for ways to drag others down to make herself look better. Biggest gossip going and is just plain nasty at times.

Our childhoods were very neglectful, and I do believe it has shaped us.

I had one sibling, he was much older. We almost always got on and I very much miss him. We used to joke that mum was 'organised' because our birthdays were days apart despite the age gap. I suspect it was infertility, but the net effect was that it gave a structure to our milestones. There wasn't rivalry, just having each others back.

DH has 3 siblings. He's the eldest and the 'intellectual', then there's the brainy and musical one, then the difficult middle child who has actually turned out fine (MIL described him as the 'conventional' one) and then there's the youngest who came along after a miscarriage, although the gap is so similar that one might never guess that. They get on ok, but didn't when younger, there's less than 5 years between them all. DH is not dominant, he lets siblings 2 and 3 do that and stands up for sibling 4 as and when. I like them all but not necessarily all in the same room 🤣

I have three siblings all younger than me
My two brothers, I genuinely couldn’t stand when we were growing up
There is a nine year age gap between me and my sister, so she was very much the baby when we were young

What pulled my brothers and I back together initially was me meeting DH. He became the “interest” that pulled them back for family weekends and made things fun

My sister sadly died last year after a long illness. That really brought us all together and though we don’t talk a lot, We are in touch on WhatsApp and I know they would drop anything to help if I whatever to ask them as I would for them

You have to work at sibling friendships and want them to work. Losing our little sister has been a harsh way to realise this

It's completely random, because siblings are just people. As with every other person we meet in life, some people we like and some people we don't like.
If adult siblings get on well, that's great. If adult siblings don't get on well, so what? They don't need to spend time together.

I have great sisters. We have very different personalities and interests. One thing that binds us is a strong sense of family duty. I think if I didn't like them much I'd still make sure we met up a few times a year. Im very grateful they both met wonderful partners and both my DH and get on very well. My Sis and I go to great lengths to make sure our DC spend time together. We both believe the relationship cousins have is very important. I don't think my parents consciously did this but I grew up surrounded by my aunts uncles and cousins. Although I moved away there is always a sense of being part of a clan. This was possibly made easier because everyone was married and stayed that way with no step families or blended families.

I have great sisters. We have very different personalities and interests. One thing that binds us is a strong sense of family duty. I think if I didn't like them much I'd still make sure we met up a few times a year. Im very grateful they both met wonderful partners and both my DH and get on very well. My Sis and I go to great lengths to make sure our DC spend time together. We both believe the relationship cousins have is very important. I don't think my parents consciously did this but I grew up surrounded by my aunts uncles and cousins. Although I moved away there is always a sense of being part of a clan. This was possibly made easier because everyone was married and stayed that way with no step families or blended families.