Annoyed with my parents

[MikeL1993]

My son is 14 months old and in that time my parents had looked after him three times when me and my gf asked if they could look after him whilst we went out. I got the impression they really don’t want to look after him so I hadn’t asked since November until yesterday.

Months ago my friend invited me into a box to watch football with him and because my gf works one weekend day a week I knew child care could be an issue so I mentioned it to my mum back in June and she said yes she’ll have our son. Fast forward to two weeks ago and my gf was put down to work yesterday so I checked with my parents they were still okay to have our son and they said yes.

I picked my son up yesterday evening and asked where they’d taken him and they said they went fireplace shopping with my older sister and brother-in-law, when I asked when this was arranged they said yesterday morning. Now maybe I’m overreacting here but before my son came along and me and my gf asked my parents if they wanted to do anything but they were child minding my nephew they’d say sorry they can’t as they had him but when it comes to my son they’ll take him on a boring day out.

My parents don’t do a lot with my son as it is but then when they have the opportunity to take him out they don’t take him anywhere nice which is in complete contrast to what they did do and still do with my nephew. I’m so annoyed because I feel like they’re treating my son differently.

Am I right to be annoyed or am I overreacting?

Overreacting - don’t overthink this
He was with grandparents and out and about with them. And he was looked after so you could go to an event - job done

Complete over reaction.

I’m sorry- but I think that’s ok.
14 month olds are entertained anywhere- he won’t have been bored. And he was cared for.
I can see that it’s upsetting to feel that they are not more involved- but the actual day out was fine.

At 14 months he’s still a baby, I’m not sure what sort of fun day out a baby needs? They agreed to look after him which they did and he got out and about for some fresh air. Maybe when he’s a bit older they will take him on outings, when he’ll be able to appreciate it a bit more.

YABU. They looked after your baby son and took him on errands. They did nothing wrong. Not everything in kids’ lives has to revolve around them.

They looked after your child for you so you could go out. Be greatful! If you start complaining then they won’t do it again.

I thought you were going to say they cancelled!

What they did with him is a perfectly acceptable way of looking after him. However I can understand you'd be disappointed if your parents are less interested in and make less effort with your brother's child.

Do your parents treat you and your brother similarly?

They treat me differently to my sisters, whenever they ask for help with anything they fly round to help but whenever I ask it’s “well come round in a few days” even though I live closer.

I think I’m just comparing what they do with my son to what they did and still do with my nephew. When my nephew was a similar age his parents went away for a weekend my parents took him to the zoo one day and the aquarium the next. I don’t think it’s even entered my parents heads to do that with my son.

I think it’s fine

children need to fit in

i do understand what you mean about favourable treatment towards your sibling’s dc though

I can see that you're comparing and it's frustrating if they don't want to do the same with your son as their nephew.

However, a 14 month old can enjoy all sorts of things and probably enjoyed fireplace shopping as much as anything else!

How much older are they now than when your nephew was little? My parents have always done a day a week of childcare for us, for which I'm enormously grateful. My eldest they took to a group every week, but 4 years later with other children they have not had the energy/inclination to do so.

Three time in 14 months? Wow, I think mine looked after my first a total of three times in five years, if that. You're doing okay with that. He's still so small anyway.

I think it's fine to take him shopping. Presumably they supervised him adequately.

Over reaction,
My daughter's favourite day out was mattress shopping, honestly she had a blast!

Just be grateful that they looked after him they could have said no.

That must feel hurtful.

I dont have experience of it but there is a long-running thread on here for people who have had similar unfair treatment from their parents which is often recommended- search "stately homes"

That's totally missing the point of the OP's situation

This is a total non-issue. I thought you were going to say that they cancelled and left you in the lurch.

Absolutely fine that they took the child shopping with them. Your child is only just over a year old. They'll get far more out of trips like the zoo and aquarium in a year or so than they would now and you'll probably get to take them on those trips.

Your parents have done nothing wrong and you will come across as ungrateful if you complain.

I think this is more a small symptom of how you feel overall - that they don’t want to help and they treat your sister differently. I’d talk to them about how you feel (not about yesterday) but generally

Apologies. I was thinking that the grandparents might have presumed the child would have enjoyed the shopping trip as little kids do.
So they weren't playing favourites, they were just having a nice day out.

My parents are 5 years older from when my nephew was the same age as my son is now but they’re still in their late 50’s so it’s not like they’re old and frail. They’re both fitter than some people half their age.

Complete over reaction. Your son got out and about and saw even more extended family members.

Maybe they know your dc gets out and about with you and the other dgc doesn't?

Completely predictable responses from PPs who think that having any expectation of grandparent involvement in the GC is the height of entitlement.

Personally I disagree, I understand why you're disappointed in their behaviour because it is symptomatic of the fact that they don't seem to value or cherish their relationship with your child in the same way they do their other GC.

If your parents had to unexpectedly help your sister in a crisis, and your DC had to tag along, that would be different - but I doubt you'd be upset by that.

If your parents were equally disinterested in all the GC, I expect you'd still be sad about that, but wouldn't be hurt in the same way.

But that isn't the case here, and I think you're right, it's pretty crap behaviour.

Your parents trust you to be competant and so don't rush to help.
You are over thinking things; you sound like you need to throw a large chip off your shoulder.

Your parents cared for your son and I bet he had a ball with his Aunt and cousins looking at fireplaces.
It's good that your Mum and Dad can relax and get on with life and know that you will not be over fussed that your son shopped for fireplaces.
No kid nor grandchild ever gets the exact same deal as another.

Also your child isn't their first grand child. Doesn't mean they love him less but they will just do things differently. Don't compare everything , you are likely to be disappointed. Perhaps they read the thread about parents being upset about grandparents overstepping and stealing the firsts of trip to the zoo etc. They may be more wary as they aren't the parents of the mother.

Maybe it dawned on them what a pointless waste of time and money it is to take a baby to places like that.