So today we see my narc mother, first time ds seen his gran since finding out he’s going to his first choice uni, she spent the whole time raving about ds cousin

[KnackeredCatsleepytime]

On and on and on about ds cousin

said congrats then swiftly moved the convo on to said cousin

after half an hour we left
no plans to return anytime soon

Every time she tried to spin the conversation to her monologuing about her other son (the one she adores), my oblivious dad said she must be proud to have two fine sons just as he was proud of both his daughters and showed her photos of my sister. It was absolutely delicious, I did nothing to help her.

Guessing her face turned even more to thunder 😂

Congratulations to your son, normal grandmothers would be thrilled for him. Does he have any other (decent) GPs?

give her a score out of 10 for effort and impact. Works a treat at slowly leaving their shittiness with them. My MIL barely bothers to be a bitch now as it doesn’t get the energy return she’s looking for.

Thank you all so much for this chat, and the laughs aswell
feel way better now
gonna go shower and start my bank holiday and not waste another second thinking about her
sorry you guys have experienced this also to know what it’s like
i guess it’s a show of how well we are all doing that we have others than feel a need to try n pull us down for no reason
so we must be doing something right
lets keep going, keeping being us and not let arseholes drag us down 💪🏼we’ve got this

You've replied to a lot of comments, OP, but i think you've ignored any mention of the impact on your son, and why you would not have protected him from his grandmother's behaviour?

As others have probably said, stereotypical behaviour for a narcissist mother. Playing everyone off against each other whilst trying to make you feel worthless. They thrive on a bit of triangulation. I’ve been NC with my Viper of a mother for years as all I got was toxicity and she obviously always disliked me.

I’m my experience, so long as you don’t leave them alone with them for extended periods of time, kids with grandparents with narcissistic tendencies tend to just get a bit bored of having to spend time with them. Grandparents don’t have the power of parents so don’t have the same opportunity to wound unless the parents gives them the opportunity.

I’m my experience, so long as you don’t leave them alone with them for extended periods of time, kids with grandparents with narcissistic tendencies tend to just get a bit bored of having to spend time with them. Grandparents don’t have the power of parents so don’t have the same opportunity to wound unless the parents gives them the opportunity.

What stopped it for me was my daughter, she is very like my DHs grandmother who was French and very to the point. My mum and mother in law were scared of her and had to rein it in. She was never rude but would say what she thought as if she wanted to understand why they were like it

Why give her the opportunity to undermine her GS and dismiss his achievements? As OP said, she’s done it before. It wasn’t a surprise.

MIL goes on about her DD and her kids endlessly as if they're the only set of grand kids. I don't think she realises she does it. I get sick of hearing about how anything we or our kids are doing has already been done by SIL and her boys. Better, usually, and ages ago.

Once in the middle of a massive prattle on about SIL's boys and how the sun shines out of all their arses i asked how another set of her grandkids were doing at school.

She faltered, as if i'd suddenly asked her a question about one of Saturn's moons, and spluttered something about how's she's sure they were probably doing ok ...

Im going to try that more often 👍

They have no capacity for change. Don’t bring it up. Ignore it. They feed off conflict. Ignore and dismiss.

congrats to your son 🥳

I’m stealing this line. Genius.

my MIL hates one of DH’s sisters kids doing well, they are the exact same age and gender as the golden child’s. I am totally using this line 😜 objectively speaking the scapegoats children have done incredibly well and she looks silly by never acknowledging they have done well. I don’t know what kind of lens she is looking through. Aware as I write that I sound like I don’t like the golden child and her children. That actually isn’t true, she is extremely nice. I actually dislike the pressure the golden grandchildren have at exam time because life is stressful enough for teenagers without a spotlight on you and this stupid in-competition nobody else wants.

my kids are also not as good but it isn’t as stark because of the age difference/ different genders… I always say poor granny it is just she is very fragile and immobile now… otherwise she would be delighted to go to your school play/ come to your birthday. She hates the thought that she is getting old.