The sport of kings: Mornington Crescent

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

Good morning, all. What better way to begin the long weekend than a new game of the ineffable Mornington Crescent? All are welcome - veterans and newbies alike.

To set the tone, I will start with one of my favourite moves - a double shunt to

Kew Gardens

Having listened carefully for almost 40 years, I finally feel today is the day for my first game. I am going to go bold, and bearing in mind the weather conditions, in light of the Stovold contradiction, it can only be West Kensington.

But 111, are you sure you weren’t there in ‘06? You look remarkably similar to the player who was wearing mulligatawny coloured breeches and carrying the haggis? If you’re not them, then I think The Game must be in your genes.

Stovold suggests we all take a jump to the left

Charing Cross

And then Embankment 🎶

@VegimalCruditeit wasn’t me, although I rather think we’d get on. It is most definitely in my genes. I remember asking my mother when I was about 10 to explain the rules to me. She laughed.

My knees make the next move inevitable.

Charing Cross

Oh! Oh I see! I was wondering how we’d be back at Charing Cross quite so quickly, it’s the footbridge isn’t it? Cunning play 111, welcome!

Amersham

Welcome, 111! You’re clearly a natural and, if you’re not already wearing mulligatawny breeches and carrying a haggis, you certainly should be. I am already.

Using a lateral transduction (reverse polarity):

Rayners Lane

I like to carry a haggis in my handbag, along with the emergency flask. You wouldn’t believe how often they come in useful.

Ravenscourt Park

I always feel one is never alone with a haggis…

Cannon Street

I agree, TragicMuse. Whether as a weapon or a snack, a haggis is a useful ally.

Knightsbridge

Perhaps my failure at the only time I took part in a game in Scotland is because I don't like haggis. Lesson learnt.

Baron's Court.

I believe TGOG (deluxe edition) included a haggis. But that was prior to the injunction. Rare to find them now.

Grange Hill

Was that the injunction or the super-injunction? I can never remember which one is which…except that one featured bicycle clips and a jump-start lead and the other, well…crowned heads have rolled for less.

Caledonian Road and Barnsbury.

Bicycle clips are so versatile and have many uses. They are the perfect accessory for my mulligatawny breeches and, indeed, are indispensable for keeping my haggis firmly secured in my reticule.

Dalston Kingsland

Wise words Maud. If memory serves, it was a haggis making an unexpected bid for freedom (or was it a large bratwurst?) that caused such a debacle at our local High Sheriff's candlelit supper in '84.

Chigwell

My mother and father once went to a Burns Night do. They managed to convince some American visitors that a haggis had to be capture on the Scottish highlands and how stealthy such creatures were.

I wonder why they were never invited to the said event again.

Woodford

Haggi are beautiful and intelligent creatures and it’s rare to see them in the wild. The major does have a haggi booyan on one of his estates-it’s north of the life sized TGOG board.

I think I can squeak into Covent Garden by the skin of my teeth, avoiding Nidd as it’s Monday tomorrow.

[edited for accuracy]

Oh my, VegimalCrudite, does this mean the Major has lured you to his estate? I’ve never been myself, but I’ve heard his house parties can be a challenging experience for people who cannot match his penchant for Mai Tais and belly dancing.

Leicester Square

Gosh you all lead such exciting lives, I now, because of my advanced years, live a quiet existence with my memories of wilder and exciting times.
Full of nostalgia I'm off toWood Green

I used to be invited to the Major's estate, but it's gone rather quiet since I suggested a new topiarist. The lady he engages doesn't seem to be to be that adept with the shears. Although come to think of it one does hear about her talents in other areas.

A levelled-up half-Dixie to Bruce Grove

Exactly, LittleBitofBread. I heard, strictly entre nous, that her topiary renditions of the monuments and cultural sights of Europe had to be cut to the ground after neighbours reported them (and her) to the police.

London Bridge

The game of games changed a bit when the Jubilee line was opened, giving yet more options in central London.

To see the glories of topiary not rendered by anyone who plays the game of games I move to Dollis Hill.

'cultural sights of Europe' is certainly one way of putting it, Maud.

Tooting Broadway with a Gated Greyhound.

I highly recommend 'Tending to One's Topiary' by Lady Frances Fotheringay as an informative and stimulating read, for any interested parties.

Denmark Hill

Exactly, LittleBitofBread. There were some wilful misunderstandings, hence the attendance of the rozzers.

Stamford Hill

All these hills are giving me vertigo. Let's get back down to earth a bit, feet firmly on the ground Maida Vale.