TW: Indecent images

[FlowersandElephants]

2 days ago there was a knock on the door at 6:50am. OH answered and then next thing I knew was in handcuffs and being escorted out. 2 female police officers then came upstairs, one stayed with me and one took the children to their bedroom.

i was told that my OH had been arrested due to having Category A images of children on his phone. He had refused to give them his phone password as well. I was (still am) in shock. I know people always say “he was the last person I would expect” and now I understand what they mean. The images aren’t of our children thank god.

The police came back later to update me and so many things have come out which I wasn’t expecting, he’s been using apps to talk to men and women for 2 years. He’s been cheating on me with god knows how many people. He thinks he’s gay (this one really shocked me and I think it’s a shitty excuse for being a disgusting human)

I am 6 months pregnant and genuinely thought we were good, he’s been attentive and happy with the pregnancy, he’s a good dad (well so I thought)

He isn’t allowed to see the children alone now and I don’t want to facilitate any contact even though the police and social services said I can if I want to, I don’t want to see him at all. It could take up to a year to get to court and he is likely facing a custodial sentence. He has strict bail conditions he needs to stick to.

He has destroyed our lives, I’ve barely slept since finding out. The children have slept with me every night since it happened. The police have told me he’s not denying it but is saying it’s a mistake and he was off his head when it happened. I don’t care, he’s never stepping foot inside my home again.

His mum has asked me not to tell anyone as it might be a “mistake” I’ve told my best friend and work and will tell who I need to as I need support. I don’t believe for one second that 8 police officers came to our house to arrest him over a mistake. He did this and now I need to deal with the consequences.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Just to rant to be honest.

I wasn’t? He was taken away in handcuffs

Even so, thank god it isn't photos of your kids as well - that would be a whole other layer of horror and trauma, for you as well as them, to deal with.

You're allowed to feel whatever you feel.

Thank you, this person is not a man.
To lump men together with these absolute animals is awful.

I’m so so sorry OP. First of all - tell his mum to fuck off. Tell whoever you need to tell. He’s the farther of your children, but if you need to tell people then you should.

Get an STI test. That’s the most important thing right now.

Cat A is the penetration of a child by a penis or object. This is the rape of a child.

IMO, these types of people need to be put down like animals. They will never change. They will never be rehabilitated. They will never be safe.

I have a friend who works in this area. She said you'd be surprised how ordinary and 'nice' so many of these people are. It's rarely the dirty old man with greasy hair and rotten teeth. She has dealt with all sorts. Often they are handsome, charming young men from lovely families – the exact opposite to the stereotype. I also remember reading an article by a lady who helped her friend move house. She said the friend's husband was just lovely. The funniest, sweetest guy. But as she was carrying some of their stuff from the car a box fell on the ground and a load of photos spilled onto the pavement and sat there in the sunshine – photos of children being raped and abused.

Don't beat yourself up. You just never know. If I had a 12-year-old daughter, I wouldn't leave her alone with any man. Not one. I trust no one. I know there are good men who would never hurt her, but I would never, never take that chance. I often look at older men and wonder what they got away with when they were young. I have heard so many horror stories from women over the years it makes my blood run cold. I have known several older women who were sexually abused as girls, and none of them went to the police. How many of these men walk among us unpunished? No doubt many of them have a clean conscience too and believe the girls wanted what happened. How many of the 'nice' old men in our street or down the allotment did awful things back in the 1970s and 1980s and never got caught?

Hi OP I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have led cyber enquiries from a work perspective, including regrettably ones where this type of material has been accessed. The perpetrator will generally suggest this is an accident or that someone else has acted maliciously to smear them. The footprint left will very clearly demonstrate that this is not the case. It takes persistence and drive to find such material and users generally will have accessed and discussed this material extensively. IME the Police will be clear with you what they have seen by way of access and will confirm that the access is long term and detailed. Do not believe anything this man says, do not listen to his family who will also be in shock. I would not want this man having any contact with the children going forward- supervised or not and I would only allow grandparent contact on a supervised basis when he is not there- you cannot allow the children to go to their house alone. I would think carefully around what you will say to friends and family and to the school as well and then I would be very clear on what has happened. You owe him nothing and I would be very clear you are horrified.

I misread it too. Apologies