Do people rsvp to children’s parities where you are?

[Louiestopit]

(This isn’t my first rodeo - I’ve got three older children and I’ve been hosting my children’s birthday parties for 22 years now, and I’ve never known anything like it!)

My 5 year olds birthday party was on Saturday. I invited 20 children from school, only one RSPV’d.

Out of the other 19 children invited, only 3 turned up, one an hour and half in to the party, which was a bit strange, but never mind.

I know an August birthday is always going to be difficult. I would never have a venue party for that reason, it was just at home. People are on holiday, people forget, people’s book last min activities and holidays and do those instead - I get it, my kids party isn’t the center of everyone else’s universe and that’s okay. I over invite for that reason.

I gave the invites out two weeks before the end of term, put that siblings and parents are welcome to stay on the invite, all had my number on them and said please let me know if you have any dietary requirements.

I handed them to the parents myself in the playground with dd, so they weren’t lost in bags etc, and said “my number is on there, let me know if you can make it!” (I don’t have any of their numbers).

The same thing happened on her birthday last year. I invited 20 odd children, no rsvps at all and a handful of them turned up, so I was expecting it.

Dd had a good day anyway, I made friends with a few parents at playgroups and activities when she was little and obviously, I know them all well (all now go to different schools), so those little friends of hers all came.

We moved here a few years ago, my friends who I’ve made a playgroups all thought I was crazy for hosting parties, they have all had the same experience, they now won’t invite children who’s parents they don’t know as it’s not worth it. I too dd to a soft play one a few weeks ago where she was the only child to turn up, 9 others were invited, no one turned up.

My MIL is from this area and she said she’s heard the same thing so many times.

It’s just so odd and it makes it so difficult with food etc.

Christs sake - I’m literally going blind so forgive all the glaring typos, even on the thread title 🤦🏽‍♀️

Did you chase up the responses after the RSVP date?

Yes but invites are always via Whatsapp so very easy to chase up and post a reminder a few days before the event.

I think it sounds particularly bad in your area.
90% of parents here would rsvp within a couple of days to say yes or no.

I asked a few of them a few days before the end of term if they could make it and some said, “not sure yet” and some just shrugged. It an odd place to be fair.

That’s awful.

In reception when I didn’t have everyone’s numbers - 70% rsvp. Another 25% when chased and apologetic. A couple never responded.

Once WhatsApp group established - 95% responded, most immediately. A couple of stragglers. Same couple from reception non-responders (to absolutely every party invite.)

Oh and I’d say 90% of children invited attend all parties. Those that don’t are away on holiday or have prior commitments and make that known.

That’s what it’s been like with my other children in the places I’ve lived before. I’ve never known anything like it here, but other people I know have experienced the same and flatly refuse to have parties because it’s such a pain.

There don’t seem to be a lot of parties. This is the sort of place that people never leave. So they all grew up here, all have families here so it seems like when they have celebrations, it’s all their own family and friends so they don’t have to go outside that circle. when my other children were in reception, they had birthday party invites every other week from school. Dd hasn’t been invited to any from school!

I noticed it when we moved here and my next child up was around 7/8 years old. “Play dates” aren’t really a thing here either, but again, people seem to aways be with cousins or they stick to groups of people they have known forever. MIL is from here and she calls it the midlands version of Royston Vasey meets The Hills Have Eyes 😅

There are no class whatapp groups at their school! I’ve never known that. Even when my eldest was in school and whatapp wasn’t a thing, we had an email group and later a Facebook group when that took off (showing my age now 😆)

When we moved here, I asked my older DDs class TA about class whatapp groups (and why there didn’t seem to be a PTA), and she patted me on the arm and said, “oh love, you’ll soon see why there’s not.” I did. I was very naive. It’s um……a colourful place where all the parents grew up together and some don’t get on so well even as adults. I could only imagine how a class whatapp group would go!

I was careful who I invited as well as I’ve leaned who hates who, so I didn’t invite people who clash, so it wasn’t that.

This place sounds crazy. And complicated….!

No, in London and not experienced this. My daughter is 10 now so has had lots and people have always replied, one or two sometimes I have to chase. No-one has ever not turned up or turned up halfway through. Where you do you live?

Black Country.

And yeah, when we were in London, it would have been rare for someone not to RSVP pretty much immediately. If someone didn’t, they genuinely would have forgotten and would have been extremely apologetic.

Why did you move to such a shit place? Sounds awful

Oh, it is!

I was joking to dh that we should have a spreadsheet of who hates who in dds year (parents, not children), so we didn’t accidentally invite anyone who’d have a punch up over the party rings.

We went through a year of extreme bad luck (two redundancies, a still birth, landlord selling up on us, ill heath and hospitalisation, a mental breakdown). Couldn’t be helped. It’s far, far cheaper than London here and I needed my parents in law.

August birthdays are a bit of a minefield tbh, we usually go away for DC’s if we can! Paper invites are a nightmare, they always go missing between the end of term and the party so people forget. It does sound very insular where you are (a bit too much like where I grew up tbh!) all in the thrall of the family, no need to entertain outsiders, probably a slightly scary older relative running the show in the background. Totally understand your need to move back to where you had support but don’t expect your kids to stay past school leaving age 🤣

Oh, my older two have! Not everyone here is like that; we’ve met some lovely people here too. It’s just the majority on a couple of the estates near by, which dds schoo is on (I know people don’t like hearing that, but it’s true!)

We would have been renting forever in London while we have been able to buy a lovely house here. We have a far better quality of life - we can actually afford holidays now rather than spunkingn thousands of pounds a month up the wall in rent. My 23 year old is in the process of buying a home here, to rent out while he travels the world with work - he could never dream of that in London.

So it’s not all doom and gloom, and we have fantastic fish and chips!

And to be honest, where we lived in London has taken a serious nose dive over the last 5 years.

Dts are august. We did July or September parties. Kids are in childcare, on holiday, some haven’t made their plans and then get to August and invites are forgotten about.

I was thinking maybe doing a September one might be better in future. She’s not actually turning 5 until this coming Sunday but it’s bank holiday weekend, so we have always tended to do a party the weekend before as we usually go away with friends (dd will have another little celebration then as well).

So waiting a couple of weeks into September for a party might be better as she gets older. Not that it would help the no RSVP thing!

It does all sound a bit strange but I know what you mean about areas where everybody already knows each other. It can be hard to integrate at times as they don’t need you as much as you might need them.

My DS starts Reception in a couple of weeks at a school where we know nobody. It’s a really nice village school that has very few children who live in catchment so classes end up being a mix of people who are willing to drive a few miles rather than use their local schools.

So far a WhatsApp group has been set up with every parent joining and there have been summer meetings ups and parties already planned for early Sept. Response rate is nearly 100%.

I suspect much of it is because quite a few are in the same situation as us where they don’t know many if any of the other parents.

There’s not much you can do to change the locality and extended family structures of the other families but I’d definitely try and see if you can get at least some of the. To join a WhatsApp group. It makes life so much easier arranging stuff and I suspect you’ll get a better level of engagement from the other parents.

It’s weird where I live.

At nursery a few miles away everyone had big parties 20-30ish kids. Then in Reception this year (different area) we went first as DD is oldest in class and had a whole
class party plus nursery friends. About 30 invited in total and about 23 came. All good.

Then not one other school child had a party - and it wasn’t that we weren’t invited, they just didn’t host (nursery friends did so we had plenty to attend). Which is absolutely fine just a bit odd. It’s a mixed demographic money wise, tiny school and classes and some lower income. 2 parents I know well said they couldn’t afford it which is understandable. But I don’t know if that’s the case for all. They just don’t seem keen.

This year DD wants the big party again so I am doing one as she loves it. But I am struggling with school RSVPs and I am sure it’s because we are the only one that did it. But I don’t care, I just want my very extrovert child to have a nice time. Suspect we will have about 12-15 with mostly nursery friends. Makes it easier for me but I don’t really get it.

I am hoping that for 7+ I can move on to small group activities instead. Less worrying!

DD is a bubbly, confident, child with plenty of friends. So I don’t think we are social pariahs or anything! There’s only 15 in her class (Reception and Y1 combined) so not huge.

That is odd but even with my 2 at the same school I’ve noticed the classes are quite different.
DC2 send an invite on the group and instant replies from everyone, the majority can come, a few declines with apologies but then at least 2 will cancel last minute due to mix ups
DC1 send an invite and only a handful of responses, send a reminder checking for dietaries the week before and low and behold the rest all start replying and we end up with a full house

Re August birthdays we’ve always been invited to the parties right at the end of term in July or after going back in September, if they have them at all.

We had my daughters party on Saturday as well. 1/3 of children who had rsvped didn't turn up. I was fuming. Luckily my daughter didn't care/notice. I won't be doing a full class party again! Never had this issue in nursery though. Suspect people just forgetting or making other plans as it's summer holidays

Noooooooo, god no! I would not get involved in trying to set one up.

Like I said, not eveyone here is like that. People have tried. When I first met my now 11 year old DDs best friend’s parents a few years ago, I was told the story of how she tried to set one up in their older child’s class at the school. It ended up in carnage, as have the others that people tried to set up (arguing, slagging off teachers, posting horrible photos of teachers and kids). She said it’s just not worth it, someone here always acts up and ruins things.

Another parent in my older dds class roped a few of us in to run a school summer fete a couple of years ago (we have nothing, no school events due to past bad experiences with parents acting up), the head was really hesitant to try one again, and yup, he was right, a few parents turned up pissed and there was a fight. So he put a stop to any future events again. There is always some idiot who will ruin nice things for everyone else.

Don’t get me wrong, I was upset when we first moved here but not everyone is like that. I’ve met some amazing school parents who have become good friends through my two youngest, I have two really lovely friends from DDs reception class, met them in the school nursery year, who I have clicked with (they were both away on holiday for the last few weeks of August, so I didn’t invite them as I knew they would be away, they are coming over with their children the last weekend of the holidays instead).

Oh now, that’s really annoying when they said they would come!

I knew an August birthday would always be an issue for a party though. If only she’d stayed put until mid September as she was supposed to!