Do people rsvp to children’s parities where you are?

[Louiestopit]

(This isn’t my first rodeo - I’ve got three older children and I’ve been hosting my children’s birthday parties for 22 years now, and I’ve never known anything like it!)

My 5 year olds birthday party was on Saturday. I invited 20 children from school, only one RSPV’d.

Out of the other 19 children invited, only 3 turned up, one an hour and half in to the party, which was a bit strange, but never mind.

I know an August birthday is always going to be difficult. I would never have a venue party for that reason, it was just at home. People are on holiday, people forget, people’s book last min activities and holidays and do those instead - I get it, my kids party isn’t the center of everyone else’s universe and that’s okay. I over invite for that reason.

I gave the invites out two weeks before the end of term, put that siblings and parents are welcome to stay on the invite, all had my number on them and said please let me know if you have any dietary requirements.

I handed them to the parents myself in the playground with dd, so they weren’t lost in bags etc, and said “my number is on there, let me know if you can make it!” (I don’t have any of their numbers).

The same thing happened on her birthday last year. I invited 20 odd children, no rsvps at all and a handful of them turned up, so I was expecting it.

Dd had a good day anyway, I made friends with a few parents at playgroups and activities when she was little and obviously, I know them all well (all now go to different schools), so those little friends of hers all came.

We moved here a few years ago, my friends who I’ve made a playgroups all thought I was crazy for hosting parties, they have all had the same experience, they now won’t invite children who’s parents they don’t know as it’s not worth it. I too dd to a soft play one a few weeks ago where she was the only child to turn up, 9 others were invited, no one turned up.

My MIL is from this area and she said she’s heard the same thing so many times.

It’s just so odd and it makes it so difficult with food etc.

My dd is the same! She’s only 5 (well, still 4, she’s 5 at the weekend!) and she just loves a party and where she is the centre of attention. She loves everyone singing to her and watching her blow out her candles.

No one else has had a big party in her class. Her little best mate had a “movie” night. It www just the two of them with popcorn and a Disney film, it was really sweet. But that’s been it.

My 11 year old, I’ve not had that issue here. She has never wanted a big party. She’s always just wanted to take one friend to a museum for the day, or a couple of friends to the cinema and bowling, or have a sleepover. That’s easy as it’s just close friends so I do know the parents to arrange it with.

My two older ones also loved big parties, but people said yes or no pretty fast!

That’s a shame but I understand why my suggestion wouldn’t work for you.

I think we’re lucky. Nobody would say so much as a cross word in the WhatsApp group and there’s certainly no conflict at least so far!

The school has a really active PTA and raises £10,000’s every year through numerous events. The suggestion that someone would turn up to an event drink is pretty much inconceivable.

Depending where people live I’d always advise looking at village schools a few miles away. Many of them feel like a different world compared with the local estate school. It takes me 10 mins to drive there. My local catchment school on a very average estate is awful yet is oversubscribed. I’d never send my DS there. The big difference is that 90% of parents at the village school have actively chosen that school instead of their catchment school. You get a much greater level of parental engagement as a result.

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Sorry I don’t know what happened there, I quoted my own post

I have two older teenagers and then an 8 year old. The 8 year old has always had parties made up
of the children of adults I know and can contact through FB messenger or similar. This is mostly due to the problems we had with people not RSVPing when I invited the whole class to my older two’s parties. I soon stopped doing that as they didn’t RSVP and didn’t turn up. Not many kids at their primary had parties.

Yes, thank god for those people or there would have only been 3 children here on Saturday!

Thankfully, dd still meets up and plays with the children we met at baby/toddler activities as we became friends with their parents and can just call them. They all came on Saturday, which was lovely.

Twas ever the case with late august birthdays. I’m an august baby! 3 or 4 school friends is good going, I’d invite family friends, cousins etc to boost the numbers and we’d have a BBQ at home

There don’t seem to be a lot of parties. This is the sort of place that people never leave. So they all grew up here, all have families here so it seems like when they have celebrations, it’s all their own family and friends so they don’t have to go outside that circle. when my other children were in reception, they had birthday party invites every other week from school. Dd hasn’t been invited to any from school!

We lived somewhere like that - midlands town - it was a crap shoot who turned up on the day - with or without siblings. People did turn up though. Chasing tended to go down badly with some getting nasty even when it was a paid location per child.

Here we moved later but parties have been even rarer overall - did have only one child turn up for lat august DD1 - that was with two rsvps - but that only happened once and was at our home and it was summer before secondary - after tricky y6 - other times there's been a few come and it's been fine.

Are you Londoners?

My DC go to a school where a very high percentage of the families are from a culture that don't really do birthday parties/playdates, especially with people from outside of that culture. That's fine, but we didn't know when she started!

We did 2 parties for DD in Reception and Y1, invited the whole class. Hardly anybody RSVPd and only those people showed up. I think it was about 8 kids each time, out of 30. DD was so upset after the second one and didn't want to do it again, so instead we did a very small party at her house with a few of her friends. They all replied to the invite and all turned up.

DD has been to 4 parties (just left Y6) and DS 1 party (going into Y3). I've RSVPd to all of them!

Well that’s where we moved her from, I’d lived there for a long time, but my husband is originally from here (a couple of miles up the road), although, he’d been away for 18 years before we moved here.

Actually, I’m not a proper Londoner. I just lived there for 20 years. I’m actually Welsh!

I'm a Lancastrian originally, but a Londoner for over 50 years. I can honestly say only once did anyone who had accepted verbally not bring their child to a party for my young foster daughter. I rang to enquire and was told they were going elsewhere. Good manners matter. I am sorry you were treated so shabbily.

I was always told to RSVP right away, and I always have done, which is why I find it odd/rude when people don’t!

The ones who do will be the ones you have the most in common with.

My son is an August birthday so I held his celebration with friends in July before term ended.

This is because my sister was born on August bank holiday and one year, nobody turned up. I wasn’t going to risk that so have it in July instead.

As for your question, I was replying quickly because I’m prone to forgetting if left for a while.

I'm sorry that happened. That is really rubbish for you and your son.

Nobody does paper invites here, they would started a WhatsApp group name 'Dave's party' or whatever, and everyone replies on there if they're going or not.

If you don't have numbers you ask other parents or find them on social media.

Op it's awful isn't it.

I had one DD with an bday just after summer hols I never knew whether to give out before summer or just after they got back

I remember one year bumping into a mum in shop and reminded her she had not RSVPs and she said she would and then never did ??

Nothing like that here so far. Had 20 kids at my little boy’s party last Saturday. All responsed as soon as I invited them.
that sounds frustrating and upsetting for you and the kids too.

OP, that sounds very strange. Most parents where I am reply, some need a chaser but I have their numbers from a WhatsApp group.

We're in London and everything is done via Whatsapp, and replies come mostly within 2 days and then within 2 weeks for the rest. We have one birthday which often falls at half term and I deliberately book the party a week before or after, because so many people go away for half term. Nobody hosts parties during the summer holidays, they book it for just before or after.

Honestly I don't think I could be bothered to host a party if there wasn't a class Whatsapp. It sounds frustrating

Gosh nothing like that here, that is very rude! I give a deadline for the RSVP now well ahead of the party date and many people don't reply straight away but they do reply by then. Then we can decide whether to invite others, adjust the event etc. Obviously it's no issue if people can't come, I just want to know what kind of numbers I am looking at (and exactly who to expect).

It is, and people never want to swap numbers either. I tried initiating a couple of play dates last year, te summer holidays between nursery and reception (everyone from nursery moved up to reception year).

I asked a few mums at the end of term if they would like to swap numbers so the children could meet at the park over summer, or they could come to ours for a play - everyone lives very local. They looked at me like I had three heads. One said, no need we’ll probably see you over there at some point, one just mumbled something and the other changed the subject and walked off.

I promise, I am a nice, normal, friendly person! I just don’t get it!

Where I lived when my other children were little, parents would jump at the chance of swapping numbers and an arranging to meet up. I’ve never known anything like this.

Same experience here (London) - no idea why

Have now given up and just do a day out for birthdays

I send WhatsApp/text messages - stopped giving paper invites with DS1 (now aged 19)- younger DD primary school aged. Obviously relies on you having their number.