Parenting in the 70s and 80s would it be considered abusive or neglectful today?

[CarolineKnappShappeyShipwright]

I'm interested in what people raised then think of how they were parented compared to what happens today. For example I was hit, not regularly and not particularly hard or anything but I wouldn't do the same to my own children. I wouldn't consider my parents to be abusive but I would report similar if I witnessed it today.

In terms of neglect - definitely all my needs were met in terms of food, clothing, activities but I look back and supervision wasn't a priority. I lived rurally and me and friends could easily wander and no one would have a clue where we were and no way of contacting us. That would have been from a fairly young age 7 or 8 often with smaller siblings we were looking after. Not a chance I would have let my kids do anything like that now. Was it neglect or just how things were then?

I'm a child of the 60s / 70s, very loving and supportive home, alongside a wide network of family and friends on whom we could rely, knew, trust. We could play out, but we were street wise, very alert to roads, given the tools to be more resourceful, resilient, trusted and parenting was about preparing us to be part of the family, not the centre of it! The world has never been perfect, but I was brought up in SE London and people were very much more community focused. We knew not to talk to strangers, to keep a coin in our socks for a phone call, rarely in a situation alone and if in doubt run!! At 8 I walked myself and brother to school, 11 got on a tube with friends, 14 had a Saturday job... we were cosseted less, allowed to be bored, had no evil influences from social media, but I did have parents and teachers that wanted us to be prepared and we were never told you could do as you pleased but actions had consequences and that nobody was going to help you if you didn't put in the effort. Not gentle parenting perhaps, but parenting that gave me a crackingly good push into the world and the ability to cope and one where I could read prior to going to school, was toilet trained, walked and wasn't pushed as soon as able, ate what was served, not fearful of people and that's very different from many of the children that I encountered working in schools! The world is very different, but if you asked me if our children have benefitted from a change in how they are parented, I'd say on the whole no.

I'm a bit younger, but I largely agree with this. I had tons of freedom and therefore internalised the idea that I'm strong and capable from a young age.
I do appreciate I was lucky in my parents and general background too.

I think a lot of these conversations miss the heart of what makes abuse abusive. Let's say person A and B are both hit by their parents.

But person A is only hit occasionally and proportionally as part of clearly defined punishment - the parent is calm, explained what they did wrong and why it was wrong and is loving and present and kind the rest of the time. The hitting and shouting is entirely predictable, and the bad behaviour is separate to the child's identity and relationship with the parents

Person Bs parent on the other hand is inconsistent in punishment, loses control and hits and shouts due to their anger not the child's actions, doesn't explain or repair and is incapable of building a loving relationship or seeing the child's identity outside of these "punishments". There's no safe loving close relationship for the child to recover in.

Both may say - I was given a smack as a child - but only one was abused