Parenting in the 70s and 80s would it be considered abusive or neglectful today?

[CarolineKnappShappeyShipwright]

I'm interested in what people raised then think of how they were parented compared to what happens today. For example I was hit, not regularly and not particularly hard or anything but I wouldn't do the same to my own children. I wouldn't consider my parents to be abusive but I would report similar if I witnessed it today.

In terms of neglect - definitely all my needs were met in terms of food, clothing, activities but I look back and supervision wasn't a priority. I lived rurally and me and friends could easily wander and no one would have a clue where we were and no way of contacting us. That would have been from a fairly young age 7 or 8 often with smaller siblings we were looking after. Not a chance I would have let my kids do anything like that now. Was it neglect or just how things were then?

Things that were not good:

smoking everywhere, including in cars with the windows closed, urgh
roaming the streets and nobody knowing where we were, at about 9,10 IIRC
being slapped. Many people were, nobody cared
no seatbelts in cars until the law was changed

Things that were good:

no screens, only 3 channels, so we read a lot and played out
lots of games involving imagination
lots of fresh air and exercise, hardly anyone was fat
hardly any processed food
no internet, less porn (and it was in magazines and sales restricted)
no mobile phones, which was good or bad, depending on your view
there was definitely less crime and more accountability

I do think children brought up in the 70s seem more resilient than some of the young people of today. There is something to be said for the "pull your socks up and just get on with it" approach instead of whining on about something you can't change.

They could have but their parents didn’t allow it whereas your parents did.

I agree with this and I think that it really has swung too far the other way and that's partly why young people seem to have no resilience now and need so much help with stuff that we would have just got on with.

Compared to what my mum went through when she was growing up I had an idyllic childhood. I was occasionally smacked if I had been really naughty but I was never starved or beaten with a belt like she was. I think every generation tries to make it better for their own children. My mum could never talk to her parents about life and anything personal. She was better with me. I've tried to be better for my sons x

There were big differences

I was hit with a hairbrush. I wouldn't have done it to my children but I was a bit of a mare and it was always on my backside. I don't think it didn't any harm but it also didn't stop me being me. I just hoped I didn't get caught.

However a friends father hit her with a belt. That was awful.

And another was forced to leave school at 16 and get a job, rather than go into further education which she wanted to do. That was unforgiveable in my mind too - especially given he was a senior police officer so there wasn't a poverty angle going on. He said the same to both girls and his son was allowed to go into sixth form.

How in the world can you judge on previous generations that was a different style and the norm of the times? You said you weren’t hit particularly hard or regularly but would report it today! I can assure you some parenting styles of today will be looked down on in 40:59 years ! Guaranteed and the helicopter parenting will be one of them.

move on and stop comparing 2025 to those days .

I was the same and we had a blast of a childhood roaming around, like you was snacked sometimes and not hard or even regularly but no one can it was neglect or abuse, it wasn’t and I was pretty street wise by 9. Different times altogether

I was born in the late seventies and my parents were a little unusual in the fact that I wasn’t allowed to play out unsupervised until I was seven, then I was only allowed to the end of the street and back. By the time I was nine my parents had bought me a watch and I was under strict instructions to check back in every hour, a minute late and I was grounded for weeks (learnt good timekeeping though 😂) teenage me rebelled at the strict no go areas, wasn’t allowed here, wasn’t allowed there like my friends were, check back in every 3 hours by then, that I found ways round it and roamed for miles across the countryside with friends. I was a bit of a climber and she never knew I’d was always up a tree, or climbing the one story leisure centre roof next to the cricket club, biking for miles between towns when I was supposed to be at my friends.

But my mum was borderline abusive, probably even was, she had anger issues and trauma from her own childhood, she hit me a lot, was verbally abusive too, had no empathy with my own problems and hated and was ashamed of the fact I was a tomboy, hated makeup, dresses and acting feminine. And I struggled in school (I have adhd and asd)

I was a different parent to my own dc although I still struggled with my own issues due to the way I was parented but I’ve always been emotionally available and treated my dc with respect and empathy. They’ve turned out ok (I hope)

my parents wanted to know where I was going ie to my friends house and I was only allowed to take my bike when I’d passed my cycling proficiency. But I could go out for the day and if I was going to the lido or park, mum would give me a backed lunch to take. I had to be home on time say 6 ish ( and not when the street lights come on like people say now) . I was also smacked, only by my mum, with her hand. We had meals cooked from scratch and I had a bedtime that differed slight at the weekend and school holidays. Some of my friends have confessed to me in adulthood that they found my mum a bit scary. She was strict but on the flip side would let 7 of my teenage friends stay the night if we were all going to a party.

Every generation looks at previous ones with a mix of rose tinted or horror.
Generations to come will look at present parents with the same.
Certainly today's generation of parents have not improved anything. The mental health of youngsters is testament to that. Helicopter parents, over controlled time, and dare I say it inadequate 'childcare'.
Teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

I was born in 1961 and experienced being hit both at primary school and at home. I don't remember being asked my feelings on a subject once - indeed, my Dad hardly asks me even now! - so yes, definitely felt you had to be seen and not heard, but agree with others that's it's gone too much the other way now. It's not healthy to think the world revolves around you!
I look at parents now, in particular using the phone as a babysitter and being so stretched that they don't have any time left for the kids and I don't think it's better, just different.

Oh god yes sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. That’s the line I got told. It’s simply not true.

Do you always talk in such absolutes?

I was out playing at 7, up in the avenue (2 mins walk but parents couldn’t see the avenue from our house) - out until the sun went down. I was also smacked occasionally, and don’t consider it abusive; or me playing out neglectful, it was of it’s time as they say.

Since having my own children I have thought back to how I was parented a lot more. I was fed, watered, given a regular bath etc. Not greatly different to my own kids in many ways.

But the thing that strikes me is that there was no leisure time. My parents didn’t have it so nor did I. They were either working or looking after their parents. There were no child centred activities- no trips to the farm or a day out at the beach as a family. I was just taken along on whatever adult thing they were doing and expected to fit in. I used to take worst witch books with me everywhere. They were working class and we didn’t have much money so working was always the priority to survive.

My kids get way more stuff for them but I wonder if my upbringing was healthier in a way because I learned early that not everything was about me. I see parents of my generation treating their kids like little projects to be nurtured rather than just miniature humans they need to keep alive until adulthood.

I was born in 1964. My parents were born after/during the Second World War. My dad went to work at 15. My mum wasn’t allowed to go in a pub. In hindsight I think my parents did the best they could. But at 18 I was expected to not go on holiday with them, to get a job and to be independent. My kids still come away with us in their late teens. My grand daughter who is 6 doesn’t read a book unless the school tell her too. Her parents can’t see the point. She also eats and drinks far too much sugar and processed food. She can’t sit at a table for more than 2 mins. Child led parenting will be held up as a failure in 20 years time.

This.
We had brilliant childhoods, learnt to be resourceful, resilient and where the dangers were. We learnt to interact with others and how to entertain ourselves. We also learnt it is actually impossible to cook a jacket potato on a bonfire 🤣
There were one or two things we did which were unwise but we soon learnt.

I dread to think what the next generation of young adults will be like without ever having to be independent.

Yes

I think the reading thing is a real issue when it comes to mental health problems. Those of us who read a lot as kids explored and experienced all sorts of trauma and what-ifs vicariously through characters in novels, and we had the chance to think it through without any real risk to ourselves. Close call with danger? Famous Five. Poverty? Little Women. Bullying? Anne of Green Gables. Death of a loved one? Charlotte’s Web. Cruel adults? A Little Princess. Emotionally distant adults? The Secret Garden. And so many more. Now, the first time kids encounter something unpleasant, it’s for real, and they have to respond (or not) in the moment. It’s as if reading primes the pump for emotional resilience, and without that, kids are unprepared for the normal stresses of life.

Well, yes, when I was in my teens, I provided childcare to a couple of children who were from a very wealthy family.

The little girl was a reader and when she was about ten she told me about the books she was reading about children from impoverished families and the struggles they went through.

She was surprised that any such family existed, and she said it gave her inspiration to want to do better for people. I have stayed in touch with her now. She is a young adult and she has done a course in art to teach adults with significant learning disabilities aren't therapy?And she is also studying part time to be a counselor and psychotherapist.

I couldn't be more proud of her.

Now, though, was just tiktoks and videos, they just get it all at once.

Parenting from a few decades ago always tends to be seen as a bit neglectiful and abusive in hindsight (e.g. parenting in the 1920s would not have gone down well in the 1970s).

What is perhaps most interesting to me is to think: what parenting today that is taken as perfectly normal will be frowned upon in 50 years' time?

Had a key and walked home from age 7
Walked to school from the start with a friend.

Yes I'd say my parents were in the 80s I was hit I was left in a hotel room as a toddler by myself and they went out drinking. Mostly due to an abusive father, think I was hit too as didn't stay in bed at home so no surprise I went wondering in the hotel, reception staff were looking after me

Chapeau.

To be fair the most famous missing child case involved toddlers being left alone in a hotel room whilst their parents went out and drank and that was 2007 so 20 odd years after the 80s

I think being unavailable emotionally, letting your kids routinely get sunburnt, smoking around them and letting them walk to school unaccompanied at 6 years old would now be considered neglect yes.