DH keeps making mortgage overpyamentd ton reduce the term

[Redratefree]

We have a take home of £4k and a £1.9k mortgage. DH keeps making overpayments to the term of the mortgage, it was 27 years but it's been reduced to 25.25 years due to overpayments. However, I want him to reduce our monthly payments as this will give us more breathing space. He disagrees and wants to continue to reduce the term because it offers more flexibility when remortgaging. I received 2 emails from the bank this weekend for 2 overpayments of £500 and then one for £50, as soon as he gets paid he'll make an overpayment.

You need to talk about it and budget properly. While over-paying os great and sensible, if you're tight at the end of the month, do you have savings for things like the car getting written off, or the washing machine needing to be replaced?

Things like more expensive clothes wouldn't bother me too much (but I do spend on other things people would think are unnecessary, so there's an element of choice,) but I still put some money away every month so I can cover things like holidays and Christmas, because I have done my time of having to count every single penny to last through to the end of the month. Budgeting carefully and overpaying the mortgage is sensible, but you need to jointly discussant decide all spending and saving priorities. You are living and spending now as well as in the future.

(I have a FWB who can never be more, and one of the primary reasons is his attitude to money. His income is about double mine, but the way he prioritises and spends money... I would be never be able to feel secure.)

I'm with your husband, we also max out our overpayments each year.

Around 2k left over to pay non mortgage bills is fine assuming you don't have to pay nursery fees? Nicer car is a bit of a waste of money tbh.

Do you currently still have enough money to go on holiday each year?

I think you’re doing amazingly well to not be in debt and should make sure you have a bit of fun along the way.

Your dh does right.
Paying off your mortgage should be a goal, if it is reached earlier than planned, you should celebrate.

So please we overpaid when we could and reduced term. It saved us tens of thousands of pounds in the long term and we were mortgage free by mid 40s (before ds was getting into driving lessons/insurance/went to uni so that was very helpful!)

If you have savings, not struggling at all, it sound like he is being sensible.

When we were overpaying the deal we had allowed us to take those overpayments back out if we every needed to which was good security too.

But you both need to sit down together and work out your joint goals and financial plans and come to a sensible agreement which is in the best interests of your long term future - not going to be easy if you are polar opposites.

Are there other ways you can work towards getting nicer cars/clothes while still agreeing to overpay at current, or slightly reduced rate? Increase income?

Your mortgage is huge and the term is long - I’d feel more comfortable overpaying too. You could do with increasing your income if at all possible, but you need a better budget which allows you to save up for the extras you want. I would do a really detailed expenses spreadsheet - remembering absolutely everything (haircuts and toiletries, savings for emergencies plus pensions, savings for holidays right down to the ice cream in the park budget, christmas/birthday gifts and food, all your insurance policies and household maintenance , paint, boiler servicing etc) and then figure out what you have left over out of income and pick an amount to overpay on a regular basis. It’s not fair to empty the account randomly to overpay when there may be extra expenses that month such as clothes or a school trip. I would rather have an old car and overpay but there is a tipping point when the car is just too terrible. The same with clothes - wearing jeans with holes and a Tesco sweatshirt with bleach stains - I’d rather a few new clothes than overpay but £120 jeans and a £60 sweatshirt - I’d buy cheaper and overpay a bit. If he’s overpaying by say £4K a year - maybe £1200 -£100/month could be ringfenced for some clothes and nice family day trips instead.

OP, remember this is Mumsnet

You have to live in rags and survive on bread water so you can make mortgage over payments, top up your ' pension pot ', and have thousands upon thousands in savings and ISA's.

You mustn't enjoy today, or this time of your life - you have a future ( which isn't certain anyway) to prepare for.

Term, term, term! Your husband has the right idea. If you really need extra cash one month you just don't make an overpayment. He is reducing the amount you will actually pay by a great deal which will in itself, pay off the mortgage faster, thus reducing the term. Just do the comparison yourself, term vs payment reduction in any online mortgage overpayment calculator. It's a no-brainer and I'd be delighted my partner had his head screwed on.

Whilst it’s probably very sensible to overpay your mortgage, my view is life is for living.

if you can still afford all the fun stuff then great. But I wouldn’t go without holidays, days out, fun stuff generally in order to over pay it.

the future isn’t guaranteed and I want to enjoy my life. If that means my mortgage isn’t paid off early then so be it!

If he’s saying about remortgaging is it up soon?

if so then doesn’t that mean when you remortgage and extend the term back to the original then your payments will go down significantly?

it’s what I’m doing atm. I don’t want to shorten the term but by throwing money at the mortgage now, when I remortgage in January I’ll save £50 a month.

Have you a proper emergency fund 6x income? Do that first. Are you budgeting go as you go or including all expenses like Christmas and birthdays and MOTs etc?

Do something like Rebel Finance and get your priorities shared.

Can you increase your income? It’s not clear how you would pass affordability for a bigger mortgage.

You need to be on the same page. Rebel finance is good for this as first sessions cover attitudes to money.

I agree. I’m single and make overpayments myself so am aware of their benefits.

However, there needs to be a balance of being financially responsible whilst still enjoying your day to day life. What’s the point of having maxed out on the overpayments if at the end of the term you’re frazzled, stressed and now have a more fractious relationship?

OP has a right for her voice to be heard as a matter of principle. Its not a simple black and white case of ‘well obviously DH constantly overpaying and reducing disposable income is green flag behaviour so stop complaining’. It potentially sets a precedent also that DH will believe his way is always the best with OPs opinions being marginalised throughout the relationship.

Sorry I see the remortgage is in the same property - I doubt the amounts cited would give you a significantly different rate.

Is your mortgage interest only or repayment?.

You need to talk to your lender as rather then overpaying smaller sums (which basically puts your mortgage into credit) he could make lump sum capital repayments instead. This could also reduce the amount on interest owed. I do not see what he is getting at when he says that reducing the term would give more flexibility when it comes to remortgaging; the two are not connected.

The word that I keep coming back to is "nicer", nicer clothes, nicer car. Are we talking about you wanting to replace Asda clothing with M&S, or M&S with something more expensive? Are we talking about replacing a 10 year old Focus with a new or 2-3 year old Audi, or replacing a 2-3 year old Audi with a new Range Rover?

If your current possessions are fine but you have a hankering for posher labels, that's very different from currently having the cheapest & wanting decent. If it's the former than I'm 100% on your DH's side, if the latter then on yours.

It's all a matter of degree really. OP's DH may be stingy with things, or maybe he's learned that OP can be a bit of a spendthrift.

Nicer clothes and a nicer car aren't nice treats for the kids. The mortgage overpayment benefits the whole family because there will be more money to pay for school trips and family holidays as they get older and more expensive.

You need a decent cash emergency fund, but after that, yes, you should overpay the mortgage rather than buy a new car and fancy clothes. He’s being sensible - as long as you have the emergency fund.

I agree with this. It’s not down to him to make unilateral decisions about how money is spent. It needs to be a joint decision in my view. He is probably right - but it’s not just his money - the high-handness would annoy me too.

He might be able to. I can make unlimited over payments.

500 a month is too much can he compromise and do half?

you have two kids to look after

I'm completely with your DH. Paying extra each month was the only way we got out of negative equity in the early 1990s. Kept up the habit after that which meant we were mortgage free in our current home by our mid 50s.

However I do recognise that I'm an old git who really doesn't like having any debt at all. 🤣

Totally with your husband. I would even overpay more if I could.

Agree with this! When the money has gone into the mortgage it’s gone! A high interest savings account and then overpay from that once or twice a year but always leave a buffer of savings for emergencies.

In financial terms - your DH is correct. You are not overdrawn or in debt, you have some small savings, so you are managing. You think it is 'tight' because you like spending money and don't like being frugal.

You only want the extra money to spend on "nicer" clothes and car. These things are just status symbols. You didn't even say you wanted the money to spend on activities with/for the DC, which might have been a worthwhile choice.

HOWEVER, these decisions have to be made jointly. He can't just decide what to do and over-ride you.
You both need to sit down with your bills, bank statements and a spreadsheet, and set up an annual household budget. In the budget, include a monthly 'allowance' each for adult clothing and personal spending (fancy toiletries, coffees, cafes, hobbies, phones, new tech, socialising etc.), an amount for DC activities, and open up a new savings account for the 'next car fund'.

If you can't discuss it and agree, then I suggest you go to counselling together - big differences in values and attitudes to life take a toll on the marriage over time, and if you are not careful can cause resentment.
Resentment kills love.

We did this, at my partner's insistence, and we've been mortgage free since our early 40's. That allowed me to retire early at 55. Well worth it. We weren't in any other debt or "scrimping by" though.