Worried sick please help - social services pip query

[Pinkponycard]

so sick to my stomach.
i was diagnosed with a neurological genetic condition 20 years ago. It’s always affected me slightly but my balance and how far I can walk has got worse in last 3 years but I get by ok. I have a good working from home (mostly) job.
in the last two years I’ve had to spend a lot more on things to help my health and decided that I would apply for pip as I currently cannot afford a car.
pip assessment went well my husband was with me and explained the help he provides, that we have a helpful family and a cleaner once a week, the assessor asked about our 3 children ages and when I eldest is 11 and youngest 8 she said they’ll be able to help more now then and I didn’t think anything of it and said yes they are about tidy after themselves a bit more now and eldest sometimes helps me out washing away.
the assessor then asked if they were in carers support groups! I said no. She said she would be speaking to the safeguarding officer to see if I needed a social services visit.
I said they don’t provide any care for me or do anymore than other children (probably less!) they just tidy up rooms and sometimes help with putting washing away all other cleaning is done my husband cleaner or me. She that’s fine I’ll still need to flag.
I feel worried sick that social services will knock on the door. I mark my condition from my children they understand I’ve had operations and I’m not spotty by any means but I just say I’m getting old I don’t say I’m disabled ever.
in so scared about social services coming round upsetting the children.
as much as that money would make a difference to our lives I wish I’d never applied for it now.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it OP. Carer’s support groups for children are not just for kids that do lots of actual caring, it’s also just some extra support & socialising usually for children with disabled parents who may benefit from it, definitely not something to worry about x

Don’t worry. But also, a young carers support group can be great for all sorts of people in all sorts of boats. They will probably get a lot out of it, even just people in a similar scenario to themselves. Embrace it!

The dc may not provide care as such but they live in a household where a parent needs support and is perhaps limited in the care and opportunities they can provide their children. In time you may need to depend upon them more.

It’s more social services turning up unannounced. I’m 4 weeks post surgery not supposed to doing much but currently cleaning in case of a visit. Cleaner can’t work this week

I mark my condition from my children they understand I’ve had operations and I’m not spotty by any means but I just say I’m getting old I don’t say I’m disabled ever.
Kindly OP, it’s ok to say you’re disabled. It’s ok for your children to hear that.

I agree with PP, your children may be offered
more in terms of their life experiences if they’re classed as young carers. It’s not a bad thing!

You’re struggling with the taboo of disability. Don’t! Don’t let it get in the way of you all having a great life!

Social services would probably refer to young carers for an assessment. This is not at all like a pip assessment. It would be done with notice and be child appropriate. If your children meet criteria they can get support. It's entirely separate from child protection social services. I referred my son for assessment but he was ineligible.

I doubt ss will even have been contacted itsa technique pip assessors do to get people to admit what they can actually do. So they can mark you down. Its like when they ask if you have pets or been on any nice holidays lately. They come across really nice they are not.

The pip assessor is not referring you to ss. They will discuss with their Safeguarding person and probably they would contact you again for permission before making any referral for support. You really do not need to clean in anticipation of a visit, your situation is someway off requiring that.

Also, don’t lie to your children! They’re not daft. They have grandparents? They can tell the difference between being old and being disabled…

Honestly it’s fine! It will get them access to other support if they need it, it isn’t a black mark at all. Please don’t worry.

It'll be fine. There isn't much money in the pot for carers.

You're sending yourself into an unnecessary tail spin, on several levels.

You should be honest with your children about your health situation. I've had a stroke, I'm finding it difficult to accept that's made me 'disabled' I understand. But your kids don't need to be protected from the word. Of the reality of your condition.

if they offer 'young carers' help for your children, let your children go if they want to. They might get something out of it, even if they aren't actually doing any caring for you (yet) friendships where other children understand their parents aren't always quite as Ann's as some of their friends parents.

in the extremely highly unlikely event social services was to visit you, they are not going to be checking how spotless your skirting boards are! They'll check the children have suitable beds & possibly if they have what looks at a glance to be suitable clothing & toys. That you have food in the house (not what or which brands) just 'food'.

but there's absolutely no reason to think they'll visit.

stop cleaning!? REST recuperate from your surgery.🌸

@Pinkponycard Please may I private message you?

Yes of course

You are not the only disabled person in the world who has children.
It is not a crime to be a parent and have a disability.
You have family support and a husband at home. Unless the children are actually neglected or abused then the social services will not be remotely interested.
Hell, half the time they don't seem particularly bothered about the children who ARE being seriously abused.

This is a total non-issue.

it isn't reporting you to SS, you aren't going to get a SS visit.

At most, the local Safeguarding officer might get a referral and contact you to put you in touch with the local young carers group.

I'm disabled and so is my older DS, my younger DD used to go to the young carers group as it was a break from home and somewhere fun and where there were people to talk to on hand should they need to.

Please rest.

OP,
Name changed for this. However I am in a similar situation to you. I have MS. Allegedly RRMS but its behaving more like PPMS. I'm also a wheelchair user and I'm hoisted for some transfers when I am unable to transfer safely using other means.

I've also got 2 children, one of whom is 12. I claim PIP and PIP are well aware of my children. As are social services. At home I expect the children to do the jobs I cant like picking things up off the floor, carrying washing baskets, loading the washing machine, putting their own washibg away, the older one helping me chop veg for tea e.t.c. Basically the stuff you would expect any child to be doing. While my older one can cook they choose not to unless its noodles and some kind of beige thing. The younger one can fix a snack and make some toast. Neither do any family cooking.

DH have our lines in the sand. They dont touch medication, cleaning the house (unless its their own rooms as they have to keep these clean themselves), or do any kind of personal care for me. The younger one will occasionally give me a shoulder rub but this is something they choose to do and get paid for it. We have other jobs on a tariff. Basically if they want pocket money they can do a job and earn it. Very occasionally the 12 year old will hoist me but this is only ever done with the direct supervision of dh and even then all they do is press the buttons on the handset.

Neither of them are registered young carers. To be honest there's very little on offer in my locality for young carers anyway and besides the older one is adamant they dont want to be anything different to their friends. They do know somethings up though- the wheelchair and the other equipment we have in the house is a bit of a giveaway. I've always been honest when they've asked questions but I've never done a sit down and reveal type of thing.

However the reason PIP may have flagged it is because there are young carers out there doing direct care for their parents and perhaps doing things they shouldn't really be doing. I wouldn't worry in your case as you can explain exactly what they do and dont do

Thanks for the reply’s and apologies for my typos in initial post - I meant mask my condition not mark and sporty not spotty (although I am spotty!)

Hi, the usual process here would be to call you and discuss a visit. Unnanounced /just turning up visits do happed , but this is generally in the case of safeguarding concerns.
you can explain to the social worker when they call that your children are aware of your physical limitations , but that you don’t explicitly talk about being disabled and your reasons for this.

this is of course your choice, however I would gently urge you to consider being a bit more open with your kids. ‘Unspoken’ things like this can be confusing for children, and may cause more worry than a more open discussion about how your disability affects you. They may not feel able to talk about it with you ( they may have questions) as you haven’t opened the conversation.

again, this is your decision. But the social worker may have this view and it’s worth considering.

I just came here to reassure you the visit is very unlikely to be unnanounced.

im sorry you are worried. There may be some very positive suggestions/ ideas that come from this contact with social services, or you may feel you don’t need any support and that will be that x

Sorry I missed this update before posting.
please don’t run your self ragged cleaning, you need to rest!

this isn’t a safeguarding referral, this is a standard referal for an offer of support.

unless your home is unsafe (dangerous levels of clutter or very poor hygiene that risks safety ) in the unlikely event they do visit aren’t going to be bothered if you have tidied .

there’s a misconception or what powers social workers have. Unless there is an evidenced concern for the safety of children, if someone doesn’t want a visit there is little that can be done. If there is evidenced risk to safety the police are the only ones with power to override a parents wish to visit the home.

in all likelihood you will get a phone call or letter , letting you know what support may be available.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, having a disability is not shameful nor is it anything to be hidden. Your children could well benefit from being able to access groups and activities that are available to young carers. The last thing social services would want to do is to swop in and remove your children, their caseloads are far too heavy with families where there is abuse for that.

Thank you all I think I was just shocked it even came up. My husband thinks I’m being overly worried he says our house is like a show home compared to most homes they would go into.
i think I need to be open with my children it’s just hard I don’t talk about my disability to anyone bar a couple of friends and my work is aware. It’s becoming more obvious with my gait though so peppe must be able to see.

i can understand the difficulty, i had to be open with mine once they understood as i have to use mobility aids, and had to have the council OT team in to put stair rails and stuff in the home.

i just started being carefully honest about my pain levels and how i find it hard to do things because i hurt. you don't need to do in depth with the whys/wherefores, but being open about your limits, and why you need to stop/rest are a good place to start.

There's nothing you can do. Why worry. This country is like that. You want their help, you have to play under their rule. You have a husband which makes all the difference in the world, for you and your children.

Don’t worry at all. If anything it’s good that your house isn’t pristine. It shows your reality. But I get you don’t want it messy. Who does.

My friends kid is in a young carers group. They do free holidays to let the kids get a break! How good is that. For free. So it could be a real benefit if they wanted to join up. I think the dad goes with them, not sure, but for free it’s great.

But like Girl guides or whatever it’s up to them if they want to join this organisation or not. I’d suggest go once or twice and see if you like it. Dont go back if it’s rubbish. It might also give them access to counsellors to talk about their feelings, and that’s free too and can help with all sorts of issues not just caring ones they want to ask about.