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Original poster

I've made a SS referral, now spiralling and scared

41 replies

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 16:58

This afternoon I made a referral to local children's services regarding my ex partner and his drinking around our two children.

They're not in any immediate danger, and they're on holiday with him and his family at the moment.

What is likely to happen next? The person on the phone said they'll write up the details and then decide within 24 hours what to do and will probably contact my ex via phone. But will this happen this evening? They said it would most likely be Monday.

I'm spiralling a little and scared in case they contact him immediately and it ruins the kids holiday as I don't think he will react well.

OP posts:
TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 17:01

When are they due back?

Will he know the referral came from you?

Will he then decide to keep the children?

dogcatkitten · 15/08/2025 17:02

Why did you do it while they are on holiday if you didn't want to spoil the holiday?

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:02

They're due back Sunday and the kids will be back with me Monday.
I doubt he would hold onto them.

Yes he will guess it came from me

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 17:03

dogcatkitten · 15/08/2025 17:02

Why did you do it while they are on holiday if you didn't want to spoil the holiday?

I’m guessing because he’s drinking heavily and one of the children has told her?

I wouldn’t wait either.

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:04

dogcatkitten · 15/08/2025 17:02

Why did you do it while they are on holiday if you didn't want to spoil the holiday?

They should be back in a couple of days, so I'm assuming they will contact him Monday at the earliest. I did tell the person on the phone they were away. They didn't seem to think it would be an immediate call. They didn't even take his details.

OP posts:
Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:05

TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 17:03

I’m guessing because he’s drinking heavily and one of the children has told her?

I wouldn’t wait either.

Show quote history

If I didn't do it today it would have to have be Monday when the kids are in the house with me. It's not amazing timing. One of my kids is getting distressed and worried about his drinking (they wanted to do the holiday with him and his family though) so I didn't want to keep delaying it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:07

I'm guessing it will take at least a working day to get it written up and decide what to do so it will be Monday at the earliest they contact him.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 15/08/2025 17:07

Hold on, if they didn't even take his details then how are they going to contact him?

HotDogKetchup · 15/08/2025 17:08

I doubt they’ll care tbh. My DH’s exW has married an addict, both drugs and alcohol. When he raised concerns that he was using again in the home with the kids Social services told him that addicts could be good parents - they just need to arrange childcare for a binge.

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:09

Devilsmommy · 15/08/2025 17:07

Hold on, if they didn't even take his details then how are they going to contact him?

Exactly. There's no other referral that I know of so hopefully they'll call me first. I'm just spiralling. I've been through from him (emotionally and mentally) so much since we split up so I'm scared as he may implode once he finds out. He's in denial.

OP posts:
TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 17:09

Not necessarily.

I had a call the day after when my ex phoned them.

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:10

TraintoManifeStation · 15/08/2025 17:09

Not necessarily.

I had a call the day after when my ex phoned them.

Was it a weekend or week day?

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 15/08/2025 17:11

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:09

Exactly. There's no other referral that I know of so hopefully they'll call me first. I'm just spiralling. I've been through from him (emotionally and mentally) so much since we split up so I'm scared as he may implode once he finds out. He's in denial.

Show quote history

Sounds like they've just fobbed you off tbh so I wouldn't worry. There's no way they can contact him if they haven't even got his details so you can calm down now

Dippythedino · 15/08/2025 17:13

My question to you is if you were concerned about their safety because of his drinking, why did you let them go away with him?

You can't be that concerned so I think your referral is out of spite rather than concern for your kids.

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:15

Dippythedino · 15/08/2025 17:13

My question to you is if you were concerned about their safety because of his drinking, why did you let them go away with him?

You can't be that concerned so I think your referral is out of spite rather than concern for your kids.

Valid point. It's complicated. He will be with his family and I do not believe he will be drunk when he's driving.
It's not like he's constantly drunk, more drinking heavily at home.

OP posts:
Hardlyworking · 15/08/2025 17:20

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:15

Valid point. It's complicated. He will be with his family and I do not believe he will be drunk when he's driving.
It's not like he's constantly drunk, more drinking heavily at home.

Show quote history

But that's not illegal and the majority of parents have a drink at home?!

Sounds like you're jealous he's away with his kids and you're trying to spoil it for them.

Dippythedino · 15/08/2025 17:22

If he's drinking heavily at home in his private time and it's not around or affecting the kids then your referral seems pointless. If you're concerned for your kids then why did you let them go? If I was a Social worker, this is what I would be asking and questioning your judgement.

x2boys · 15/08/2025 17:23

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:15

Valid point. It's complicated. He will be with his family and I do not believe he will be drunk when he's driving.
It's not like he's constantly drunk, more drinking heavily at home.

Show quote history

Well heavily is subjective ,one person's heavy drinking is another person's moderate
Is he drunk in front of the kids ,putting them at risk etc?

Judgejudysno1fan · 15/08/2025 17:24

HotDogKetchup · 15/08/2025 17:08

I doubt they’ll care tbh. My DH’s exW has married an addict, both drugs and alcohol. When he raised concerns that he was using again in the home with the kids Social services told him that addicts could be good parents - they just need to arrange childcare for a binge.

I would have been like : youre not a very good social worker. What the hell, man

MuddyPawsIndoors · 15/08/2025 17:24

From what you've said so far OP, it doesn't really sound as though they'll bother contacting him.

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:27

Dippythedino · 15/08/2025 17:22

If he's drinking heavily at home in his private time and it's not around or affecting the kids then your referral seems pointless. If you're concerned for your kids then why did you let them go? If I was a Social worker, this is what I would be asking and questioning your judgement.

Is it likely they'll fob me off or make a note and take no action for now?

OP posts:
Dippythedino · 15/08/2025 17:29

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:27

Is it likely they'll fob me off or make a note and take no action for now?

Show quote history

What action do you want them to take? Are they in imminent danger? You let them go with him so only you can answer that. Did you make the referral because you wanted to get back at him for revenge or you are genuinely concerned for their safety?

Original poster
RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:31

I don't believe they are in immediate danger
Ideally I want them to support him stopping drinking so that the kids can continue to have overnights with him

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 15/08/2025 17:36

SS will not act on this as the children are not in imminent danger. They won't support him to stop drinking. He will need to prioritise this for himself. It will be up to you to safeguard them and prioritise their needs.

x2boys · 15/08/2025 17:36

RibenaToothkind · 15/08/2025 17:31

I don't believe they are in immediate danger
Ideally I want them to support him stopping drinking so that the kids can continue to have overnights with him

Why on earth involve social services ?
They are not there to monitor someone's drinking and tell them off.