I've made a SS referral, now spiralling and scared

[RibenaToothkind]

This afternoon I made a referral to local children's services regarding my ex partner and his drinking around our two children.

They're not in any immediate danger, and they're on holiday with him and his family at the moment.

What is likely to happen next? The person on the phone said they'll write up the details and then decide within 24 hours what to do and will probably contact my ex via phone. But will this happen this evening? They said it would most likely be Monday.

I'm spiralling a little and scared in case they contact him immediately and it ruins the kids holiday as I don't think he will react well.

What is he actually doing or behaving when the kids are around? What have the kids said?

Does he want support in stopping drinking?

How does the drinking affect the kids?

How much are you talking? And how often? Does he have a drink problem or do you just think he does?

It’s strange they didn't take his details, if it’s a couple bottles of wine on a weekend I can’t see them taking action over that.

What a ridiculous thing to make a phone call about
Next time you call up if it’s something serious, they’re going to put you in the same category as the boy that cried wolf.
And no that shouldn’t happen, but it will

Ss wont do anything. You are the resident parent and the kids are well taken care of. He's drinking to excess on holiday and his parents are keeping kids safe
Tbh I think.you did this intentionally to ruin the holiday. What were you hoping to achieve.what are you hoping to achieve

You are being very imprecise. What is he actually doing - how much is he drinking, what state is he in - when he has the children overnight? What is your concern exactly?

Do you have a good relationship with his family?

It looks like you consider his family to be a protective factor while on holiday?

Have the children spoken about his drinking? Does he put them in danger when drunk?

Social Services are not AA. They are not going to "support him stopping drinking", they will only be concerned about any danger to the children which you don't seem clear on yourself.

I was contacted the same day my ex reported me. They will get his details from gp/school/anywhere the kids details are linked to his.

When my exh used to take 2 dc under 6 to house parties on his weekends they slept on chairs whilst he got pissed. Then they walked back to his through the village at stupid o'clock.
Judge deemed it different parenting styles.
He hadn't long had his license back after I shopped him for drink driving..
I wish you luck I but I fear the only one arsed about your dc is you.

In the current climate the threshold for SS intervention is high.

how many foster carers do you know? For them the question is whether they getting their basic needs met.

if they are, then they’re not a priority compared to the children being beaten, burned by cigarettes or sexually assaulted.

and the other parent would be considered a protective factor. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s the reality.

considering this is a parenting forum, the amount of people on here who talk about potential adoptive or fostered children as unsafe trauma goblins who could ruin your perfect middle class life. It’s going to get worse not better.

Yes. The expectation will be on OP to safeguard her children. So if she has concerns about the dc going to Dad's due to his drinking then they don't go. It's on him to take her to court. They will be reluctant to get involved I would think as it's a custody issue.

Unless your ex is a risk to you I think the view of SS will be that you need to take action to safeguard your children, so you stop contact if you don't think it's safe. If you think they are safe with him and SS agree they're more likely to refer to early help. Do the children's school know what is going on?

I don't think SS will do anything.

But I wouldn't let my kids away with a heavy drinker.

they will look at it. they will make a decision. they will likely contact the school. they will likely offer Early Help.

I think if you have concerns you are probably better applying to the court for a child arrangements order or variation if you already have one. Similar happened with my exH. The children were quite young and very upset by some excessive drinking episodes. The court prevented him having them overnight for 6 months and CAFCASS were involved. Eventually he had them back, but with a strong warning about not drinking excessively when the children were with him and an indication that I could return to court to limit contact if there were further concerns.