Dangerous driving....fucking terrified about my actions

[chickennidiot]

I am still shaking....picked up my DD this evening from a friends house and lots of horrible windy roads that I'm not too familiar with. Came out onto a road with a very narrow bit that leads onto a dual carriageway. There were at least 2 other cars behind me on this very narrow stretch of road. I must have completely misjudged distances but pulled out onto the road thinking all ok, and a lorry was behind me beeping his horn super loud. I quickly sped up. Was absolutely horrible and obv driver of lorry was fuming at me (rightfully so!).

I just feel absolutely sick about what they could do next and what the repercussions could be. No excuses but I strongly believe my dd has ADHD and Autism and she can be an utter nightmare in the car at times (constantly talking, but also likes to tell me about my driving too - tells me to go, when it's safe to go, that I've gone the wrong way when I haven't (it's just not the way she wanted to go). I've realised this has been a constant source of stress when she's in the car and a constant undermining of my driving - I've been a driver for over 20+ years, no claims, accidents or penalties. But tonight I think she was talking about the cars etc, and I misjudged and pulled out too soon.

So, what is likely to happen next? - Fine, points, a ban, prison?! 😰

For what it's worth, I tell my kids to be quiet when I have to concentrate in the car and they know I mean it. Your dd needs to learn to be quiet.

The further into peri I go the less confident I am in driving but I do think other drivers are insane and if you didn't see a whole lorry perhaps he was going so fast he was on you as you pulled out but you couldn't see him. There's an episode of crash detectives on iPlayer which illustrates this really well, albeit with a motorcyclist.

I’m glad you are all ok however previous posters are correct your daughter needs to shut up and stop making any kind of comment about your driving. Remind her next time you get in the car and pull over and stop if she does it. It’s unsafe and highly distracting and next time you might not be so lucky.

I hate pulling out onto dual carriageways and motorways from sliproads....it's really hard to judge especially at night and also to know if people are going to move over.
So can imagine how petrifying that must have been especially with your daughter in the car....how old is she?

However you wouldn't need to worry about any legal repercussions.

All you can do is learn from it and try to avoid a similar risky situation in future...maybe don't drive on unusual roads in the dark if you can avoid it.....

Thank you all for your kind words. I've calmed down now and can see I have overreacted to a tense and stressful situation. Although I spoke to dd tonight about this, I will be reiterating it tomorrow to her. Anymore talk about my driving, and I will not be picking her up again. She's 14 - this has been a good lesson for us both I think!

Poor you - that sounds like an awful fright. It can be very difficult judging speeds/distances and when to pull out, especially as our roads are so busy now. Slip roads are often dangerously short & were presumably designed when there was far less traffic.

I’m amazed that there aren’t thousands of slip road accidents every day.

Please don’t worry - the lorry driver was alarmed/cross, that’s all. I’m sure many of us have made similar mistakes & all one can do is learn from them.

I would shout at my child to shut up if they were distracting me from safe driving. Stopping them getting squashed by a lorry is more important than validating their feelings. You were joining a dual carriageway so should have factored in the possibility of a lorry being in the slow lane and driven under that assumption until you could see it was clear. There's almost always a lorry in the slow lane. You're also supposed to join the dual carriageway at a reasonable speed unless you are forced to do a full stop at the junction so this just shouldn't have happened.

You won’t hear anything from this or the lorry driver, don’t worry. They get rightfully angry because they have to consider stopping distances.

More than likely the lorry had a camera, yes. I'd imagine most commercial vehicles would have a camera fitted.

But if no accident happened, the lorry driver is likely just happy to get to his destination and clock off. The liklihood of him reporting it and/or trawling through the camera footage is slim to nil. The camera is to protect him/the company if there are any accidents.

I'm a similar overthinker though, so I sympathise

You sound wayyyyyyyyy too nervous and anxious to be driving. Is using public transport an option?

@Anon501178 The slip road was absolutely horrible. One of the worst I have ever been on. Tiny piece of road that led down from a hill and had 3 cars behind me waiting to join onto the carriageway.

I felt when I pulled out it was okay and the lorry had room. It felt almost like he was speeding up behind me which felt strange, so I quickly sped up to provide enough distance.

You don’t get points for very nearly speeding.
so you won’t get a custodial sentence for very nearly causing an accident.

@Darragon there wasn't a way to go at a reasonable speed on this piece of slip road. It was far too narrow and short - plus 2 other cars behind me waiting which had followed me down the hill. On other roads I have driven on - yes, I usually do go a good speed and then join onto it, but this was was impossible.

There was an interesting new piece earlier today about the latest research into ADHD medication and, apparently, one of the things they can reduce is the likelihood of having a traffic accident.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crr2j792drro.amp

Just be thankful no accident was caused and take it as a lesson to be extra vigilant next time.
Cars can have dash cam footage but without an incident I'm not sure what they can do with it.

Firstly, you seem to be overreacting a bit here! We've all made stupid mistakes whilst driving. What we don't all do is go home and wait to be arrested! Very odd! Nothing is going to happen, the moment has passed and long gone.
And secondly, a word of advice - do not rely on your daughter to give you driving instruction! You haven't said what age she is, but I'm assuming young? Always fully check the state of the traffic for yourself, then you may just avoid mishaps in the future. Nobody should be either asking or accepting that the coast is clear from a child!

It'll be fine, but for next time keep an eye on your "stress bucket" and whenever you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, pull over. Driving when overwhelmed is like driving tired, an accident waiting to happen.

My autistic kids will shut up if I ask them to, which I do at busy junctions etc. They are a lot older but for a long time they have completely got that when I have too much information I can't process it and sometimes I need all my brain for the driving. They know what it's like to feel overwhelmed and they really don't want me in charge of their lives when I feel like that! I think what your daughter is doing with backseat driving sounds like it significantly impairs your concentration/adds to your stress and it probably needs to stop completely. Stop the car if you have to, just like you would if she removed her seatbelt.

Turning the radio off can also help, if it's on.

btw, identifying near misses and taking actions to avoid the situation occurring again is the absolute essence of good safety policy. The fact this scared you, you posted about it and hopefully you are going to change something to help stop it happening again is part of what makes you a GOOD driver.

Nothing will happen even if you were caught on someone's dashcam.

My guess is that you were going far too slowly and therefore misjudged the length of gap you needed to join the carriageway. He probably wasn't speeding up behind you, just going much faster than it felt because you weren't matching the speed of the road. Sounds like a problem with the sliproad design, but may be worth looking at some youtube videos/tips about how to join a carriageway safely when you can't get up to speed.

Do look into the ADHD meds - I couldn't pass my driving test without them.

And maybe a good idea to come up with a plan to occupy DD in the car so you can focus fully on driving. Personally I would not rely on just telling her - you need to make a proactive plan.

Chin up, everyone's still breathing :)

I always ask my kids to be quiet at busy junctions or big islands or when I’m manoeuvring or trying to pay attention to the sat nav. They do understand that I need quiet to concentrate and they can start chatting again when I’ve done the tricky bit and that this is just me keeping everyone safe.

Nothing will happen and you are remorseful about paying attention. We have all made errors on the road just some of us on here will never admit to it. But get your daughter to zip it in the car she is being a huge distraction but you’re allowing it.. you had a close call. Have a wine and just do better. You’ve had a fright. Goes for all of us, we all get complacent and can cause an accident for any little reason no one is perfect.

She's 14???

Sorry OP, neurodiverse or not, she is clearly capable of understanding that she needs to shut up when you're driving for safety reasons. I somehow thought she was a lot younger.

As everyone has said nothing will happen. But I would have a serious talk with dd, explain simply why she cannot comment on driving stuff like pull out now or going oooh when you’re parking and how distracting/dangerous it is and then seriously reenforce from now on, be prepared to pull over when safe to do so and explain again or potentially turn around

Quite. Have you been reading 1984, OP? Thought police? They’re not going to swoop in and detain you because you misjudged a pull away and a truck (which can stop over shorter distances than cars by the way) was mildly inconvenienced for a moment?

People are so paranoid and law-abiding. Usually.

Next time put your hand up in the middle of the car so he can see it, or stick your arm out of the window so he can see your apology. I don't mind people making mistakes but it pisses me off when they don't apologise.

It sounds like the Lorry driver did anticipate OP pulling out hence why they didn't crash
It's a dual carriageway, Lorrys can't travel at 20mph on a dual carriageway just incase a car pulls out. And they very much needed to let OP know they were there as she hadn't noticed!

This is entirely on OP. But it's a stupid mistake, not a criminal offense, and fortunately no harm done. The Lorry was just a bit (rightfully) pissed off.